Biblical Authors and Theologians Answer Age Old Question
I handed in my last paper and wrote my last exam today, and frankly for the first time in months I don’t have a deadline hanging over my head. Here’s something I did as a joke at school. This has been done before but I give it a few fresh twists.
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“Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?”
Kierkegaard: Just because a chicken crosses the road it does not mean he is on the other side
Tillich: The chicken had the courage to be on the other side of the road
Qohelet: Crossing the road is meaningless
Mark: Immediately the chicken crossed the road
Luther: There I stood
Hebrew writer: The LORD made his road straight.
Calvin: The chicken was predestined to cross the road (I’m sure no one saw this one coming)
Arminius: The chicken chose to cross the road (ditto above)
Descartes: I cross; therefore, I am.
Job: Consider the chicken, Were you there when it first crossed the road?
Paul of Tarsus: The chicken does not understand what it does. The chicken does not want to cross the road. It does what it does not want to do, but what it hates to do. Who will save him from this life of road-crossing?!?
Jesus: Before the chicken crossed the road: I Am
John of Patmos: This is the message we have received concerning the chicken: he has crossed the road and there is no darkness in him
MLK: The chicken had a dream of a mountain top from where he could see the other side of the road
Feminist Theologian: Typical patriarchy. I know you mean a rooster. Why can’t it be a hen?
Liberation Theologian: Because poor people were on the other side
Jim West: Lord Zwingli commanded him, “Cross!” And the dilettante chicken crossed…away from a homeschool.
Thank you, Scott. A blog post just for me, how special!!!
Wonderful to hear from you, glad you made it thru school!
Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh! Glad to see you back in blogdom
Welcome back! You should add Billy Graham’s answer (or that of some other evangelical preacher):
There are four things the chicken wants you to know:
(1) The chicken loves you
(2) The chicken is across the road
(3) Your sins have created the road that separates you from the chicken
(4) The chicken crossed the road to be on your side
You’re back! Thank heaven.
John Wesley: “About a quarter before nine, while the leader was describing the change God works in the location of the chicken, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in the chicken alone for nutrition, and an assurance was given me that he had crossed my road, even mine, and saved me from the vegetarian option on the menu.”
This is like an Isaac Asimov super quiz.
Score 1 point for each one you laughed at, 2 points for each name pronounced correctly and 3 points if you recognize the name, and actually understand the joke.
18 points — congratulations, doctor
15 to 17 points — honors graduate
10 to 14 points — you’re plenty smart, but no grind
4 to 9 points — you must go to ‘bible’ school
1 point to 3 points — raised in church
0 points — for women, gentiles, and other heathens
You forgot Morpheus: “We all have to make the choice, in order to fullfill our destinies. This chicken chose the red road.”
“Mark: Immediately the chicken crossed the road”
That one is so much funnier after two years of Greek.
The Evil One: No it did NOT!