Creation to the Flood in One Minute
I took a class on Genesis. One of our assignments for this class was to write “Chapter summaries of the book of Genesis consisting of one or two brief yet descriptive sentences based on a thorough reading of Genesis in Robert Alter’s translation.” The goal for this exercise is, of course, to actually have the biblical studies student read the text. How novel.
Fortunately, for me I get very high grades and this was worth a very small amount of our overall grade, so I thought to myself, “Self, have some fun with this one. If it goes over like a fart in church then at least it won’t ruin your academic career.” Equally as fortunate, the professor for this class has a great sense of humor, and enjoyed my take after 50 or so similarly dry reports.
Today I give you all of history from Creation to the Flood in under one minute. Enjoy:
Chapter 1
God creates the world Part I: From a Distance.
Chapter 2
God rests and blesses the seventh day. God creates the world Part II: This Time it’s Personal.
Chapter 3
Temptation of Eve; her succumbing to temptation; Adam and Eve hide from God; Adam blames Eve for current predicament (and demands his rib back); God makes coverings for Adam and Eve (first time in history a man is asked, “Does this outfit makes me look fat?”); God banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden.
Chapter 4
Adam knows Eve Part I: Gone in Sixty Seconds; Cain kills Abel; Lamech kills a younger man; Adam knows Eve Part II: Revenge of the Seth.
Chapter 5
List of the descendants of Adam; Enoch does not die; Methuselah lives 960 years.
Chapter 6
God limits the number of years of men to one-hundred and twenty; Sons of God explain ‘tongues’ and the ‘laying on of hands’ to the daughters of men creating the Nephilim; God decides to rain on evil humans parade: literally; God instructs Noah concerning the Ark.
Chapter 7
The Flood.
Chapter 8
God remembers Noah; the Earth dries and Noah, his family, and the animals emerge from the Ark; Noah makes a sacrifice to God; God promises to Himself to never again wipe out the Earth on account of man.
Chapter 9
God blesses Noah and his sons; Noahidic covenant; God sets His bow in the sky as a reminder of the covenant; Noah plants a vineyard and parties like it’s 1999 BCE; Ham sees his father’s nakedness; Noah curses Ham and blesses Shem and Japeth. Noah lives to the ripe old age of one hundred and twenty… give or take eight hundred and thirty years.
Chapter 10
Lineage of Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japeth: Table of Nations. Ancient cure for insomnia discovered by reciting this chapter.
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Gervais on Genesis
Yes, it is a re-post, and yes it is deserved.
Sometimes I think that perhaps we are just a little too familiar with some of the stories of the Bible, and they don’t really affect us the way that they should. We can make all sorts of propositional statements about a book like Genesis without ever stopping and actually really listening to the story we have discarded for its ‘timeless truths’.
This video is not for the faint of heart, but it seems that Gervais is more impressed with the fact that God created light than many pastors I have heard speak. I’m not endorsing or defending anything Gervais says or does in this video, but I think it would be wonderful if we could regain a legitimate sense of wonder that he shows (acts) in this stand-up.
I almost forgot… he’s funny. Really funny.
LMAO! That’s a good video! Made me LoL!
Excellent. As a world history teacher in a christian school I love the Nephalim reference!
I am not sure if this is supposed to be a “Christian” Web site (got the link from a friend). One of the previous commentators claimed to have been from a Christian school, and voiced his approbation of your Genesis paper.
This saddens me that a world history teacher in a Christian school should have so little discernment. My conscience and sense of duty to the truth and my Saviour, the Creator of the Universe, Jesus Christ, constrains me to give my opinion.
I was disappointed by what looks to be a flippant use of the first 10 chapters of Genesis. Any serious follower of Christ will find flaws in this. Methuselah lived to be 969 years old. There is no Scriptural connection between the sons of God and the Nephilim. BCE is a ridiculous attempt to remove Christ (BC) from the History of the World. Chapter 2 is not a second creation; it goes into more detail on the 6th day (but maybe I misread what you meant). I could write much more, but I don’t know how long comments are allowed to be, and it is possible I am casting pearls before swine. These will suffice.
The man on the video is witty, but either is ignorant of the Truth of Scripture, or is blasphemous on purpose.
I recommend that people go to the Bible, rather than merely to what people say about the Bible. It is the word of God.
Gervais was (probably unwittingly) correct when he said, “Darwin was wrong.” Evolutionism is a un-scientific, and dangerous religion.
To find the truth about the Creation viewpoint, go to http://www.drdino.com and http://www.answersingenesis.org.
Psalm 119:160
I will be pleasantly surprised if I find my comment is allowed to remain here long.
“BCE is a ridiculous attempt to remove Christ (BC) from the History of the World.”
Actually, in biblical studies because we are engaged with Jewish scholars the trend in academia is to use BCE. This is not an attempt to “remove Christ.” but to be sensitive to our fellow scholars.
“Any serious follower of Christ will find flaws in this.”
Yes, I love quoting my favorite Bible passage “The seriousness and sternest of the Lord is my strength.”
Don’t worry. I’ll let your comment stand. I can’t write stuff this funny, so at the least I can leave it up for others to chuckle at… because we’re “swine.”
Well played.
If you didn’t like this post then I assume you really won’t like these either:
http://scotteriology.wordpress.com/2008/06/02/one-thing-genesis-isnt/
http://scotteriology.wordpress.com/2008/12/20/genesis-61-6-sbv/
Much love!
You forgot, “Make a grim noise unto the Lord.”
I must agree with Kevan.
It betrays an erroneous understanding of the almighty God to joke about His word.
Proverbs 14:9 – “Fools make a mock at sin . . .”
Titus 2:6 – “Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.”
Wow, those are quite the exegetical chops you’re showing off.
Let the comment stand! May it be a beacon of light in the dark den of iniquity amongst you swine! You Charlatans! You Blasphemers! I alone (along with Kevan and luke… and probably Peter Kirk) will stand for Truth, Justice and the American way! We will also wear capes of red, blue spandex and our underpants over top of them and we shall bear the burden of your comedic insolence. But we shall not bear this burden in silence, NO!!! For our consciences, with their sense of duty to the truth and our Saviour, the Creator of the Universe, Jesus Christ, will consistently constrain us to give our opinion.
Sorry, but my sense of duty to the cause of comedic timing constrained me to write that.
Seriously, keep casting your pearls before the rest of us swine… Hey does anyone else feel a cold coming on?
Uh, dude, is that like the “North American way”?
‘Cuz when you say “American way,” it makes it sound like you’re standing for America–as in, the United States of… I mean, props–mad props; Lord knows we need it–for standing up for your neighbor to the south, but I don’t know that many of your fellow Canadians (or Canadiens) will support you there. We’ve been ham-fisting things (as opposed to fis– uh, nevermind) for some time now, with no end in sight.
Anyway… Just sayin’.
Pfft, as if I’d think so far as to put any sort of geo-political thought into a comment! I just wanted to set up the cape/spandex/underwear thing and thought a Justice League comic book reference would work wonderfully.
But you know, go America. Or something…
did someone drop the AiG weblink?? har har.
Might as well visit flat -earth society while you’re there.
Those who cannot really show a good argument against the Bible and the Creation viewpoint will often resort to such a tactic as mocking those who hold to it.
If you really think that the AiG web site (or that the Bible itself) is lacking in intelligence, or are as the flat earth society, you are grossly deluded.
It is more likely that because you cannot prove the Truth wrong, you seek to throw dirt on the messenger.
Could it be that you are trying to decry the Creator, because you wish to live contrary to His laws, and are thus feebly attempting to appease your conscience? Wake up and consider your ways. Jesus said, “Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.”
But maybe you’re basically a good person, and are not in danger of judgment. If you think so, check out the “good person test.” http://www.wayofthemaster.com/goodperson.shtml
Kevan Myers
Psalm 119:78
Kevan,
Did you bother to read the two articles linked above?
And yes, it is definitely the opinion of the majority of the people who come here, myself included, that AiG is not just lacking intelligence but abundant in stupidity as well.
The answers to the problems in our society and declining church memberships is not believing the primeval narratives more literally. THAT IS NOT THE GOSPEL! But if you turn your Bible to the right another 38 chapters you’ll meet this guy Jesus…
If you keep posting stuff as uniformed as the above you will find it moved to dilettante hobby-horse.
Ken Ham is a fraud with a phony degree who breaks the law. shouldn’t that concern you a bit?
I think “Dilettante hobby-horse” should be a tab at the top of your blog.
I’d still take Ken Ham over anyone at way of the “master” radio.
I wonder if we could have a worse radio show contest. Similar to The Worst Preacher contest – but for the ones who get to drive people farther from Christ, Monday through Friday on your AM dial.
Never mind, I can’t imagine anyone beating wayofthemaster.