Servetus? Off the hook. Pelagius? You’re safe. Joel Osteen? Smile and feel good. Tilling? Don’t worry be Wrighteous. Tetzel? When a Crowder rings one of your sermons to heaven springs. Even Todd Bentley is a theological giant compared to John Crowder. This guy is so crappy that if the personification of crap saw this video it would say, “At least I’m not that crappy!”
The bleeding on my forehead is from me trying to claw the memory of this “sermon” from my mind. Every bad, horrible, heretical, and pitiful pastor or speaker can now point and say, “At least I’m not that guy.”
UPDATE: Just when you thought it possibly could not get any worse…
Filed under: Bad Theology, Modern Heresies, Religion
I’m at 1:30 and I’m feeling really uncomfortable, I have the retarded tingles all over right now…oye oye, maybe that’s the drunken glory. I don’t know if I can finish this.
I bet he’s the pastor of a mega-church or worse, an emergent one. Those are the sorts of preachers who command huge audiences.
Looks like he just has his own wacky para-church ministry, “new mystics”. That name pretty much sums it up. From his site:
“John has a passion to equip a supernatural generation with effective spiritual tools, including signs, wonders, miracles and prophetic abilities, needed for the last-day harvest.”
There’s so much wrong with that sentence I don’t know where to begin. And I’m guessing 90% of the people on his links page he’s never talked to, I know a few of them and I’m certain they’d reject this guy if they’d ever even heard of him. oye oye alright.
Kyle,
You are a funny man
———————————-
Jim,
He could be a pastor of a mega-church, that is possible; but I would think that he is not “emergent.” If there is one thing valuable they have brought to the “conversation” it is the complicated role of language in our religion. There is NO emergent pastor that would talk this way even the ultra-relativists. Not sure that is a word maybe I just made one up. Wrighteous… and I think you are a very funny man too!
I made it 2:17 into this before the overwhelming urge to swear at my screen made me feel it wise to click stop rather than subject my family to an ecstatic bout of swearing!
i was going to comment longer, but little fat friar tuck angels pulled me away to the kegs from heaven, you know?
More angels! Somebody make these people read Hebrews.
Jeff
I’ll not say anything mean. Living with tourettes is no laughing matter… poor guy.
OMG!! The beard is ridiculous. Why do people listen to that dribble?
The next Todd Bentley? I bet one Peter K. is readying the defense as we speak…
Really? Tokin the ghost? Second hand spirit? bi-locate? Man I am missing out. I need to throw away theology and doctrine and get in with this guy.
So, Todd Bentley has the signature phrase of “bam” and this guy has the “oing, oing…” This Crowder guy is ridiculous. Either he is crazy irreverent or maybe we have all misunderstood God. Perhaps he is our homeboy who hooks us up.
I guess it would be funny if it wasn’t SO incredibly sad… People believe this stuff and it messes them up…
If people can get away with this after 2,000 years of theology and study, is it any wonder that the early church was screwed up.
The whole “tokin the Ghost” thing is mind-numbingly ignorant. Thank you “Toronto Blessing” for releasing people like this on the Body of Christ.
Seeing this, it’s hard to believe that the Enlightenment took place some 300 years ago… One would think we’d have learned something by now.
He’s undeniably funny, though.
nyoi nyoi nyoi
I made it to 3:34 of the first video! That may be the most annoying thing that I have ever seen. If I see his name on the marquee of a local church I will promptly inform them to lock up the communion wine!
Thanks for sharing
As far as bi-location is concerned, I was, as ever, here in Ireland last August. There was no John Crowder. I know because I felt a desperate depression last summer in the absence of a fat Friar Tuck angel to hook me up. I sang “Help! I need somebody” off key and repeated “nyoi nyoi nyoi wooooooah!” as a mantra… but nothing.
With no spirit of Crowder to fill me up, I settled for the next best thing; Presbyterianism.
True story.
Calling this mysticism is probably the worst part about this. This kind of self-indulgent bullshit has nothing to do with mysticism.
That is the absolute scariest video I have ever seen!
It’s like watching COPS during a DUI stop.
I’d rather down a bottle of Pinot myself.
“There is no high like the Most High” was just stunning.
I’m glad that he cleared this up for me:
“Isaiah 35 says you shall be overtaken by joy……that means taken over by joy.” –Oh, I see.
But I’m wondering most about this one:
“A little more cream and butter for our feet”. –Wha?
“Throughout church history there’s been saints who bilocate…..I (John) was in Ireland and Georgia at the same time” –stunning.
I am secretly hoping for a “weight loss” miracle though. oin oin oin!
Bi-locating is so last decade. Tri-locating is the new move of the spirit.