Jesus vs Mary XI: Dirty Pool Jesus

As regular readers of Scotteriology know, Mary and Jesus have been involved in a contest of publicly appearing in a variety of items that was escalating into some fairly serious territory; however, with his last appearance Jesus seemed to have taken the contest in a different, much more friendly direction.

What a ruse.

Apparently, Jesus was using his “friendly” appearance in a coffee mug as a diversionary tactic to strike an unexpected low-blow against his own mother.

Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping

The Pachuca family of Bryan says an image on their pickup truck is a miracle. The image that came in an unlikely form of a bird dropping appeared on Sunday. That was the first time Salvador Pachuca had been back to the home since having an accident there four months ago.

“I told my brothers come over here and see what this is and they say this is the Virgin,” he said. Family members made their way outside to see the image on the truck’s side mirror. Cristal Pachuca said she took pictures and began making calls to invite others to see, what she describes as, a miracle.

“We just all feel protected. It’s a blessing to our family and to everybody that comes to see it,” says Cristal Pachuca. Cristal says the truck doesn’t get much use, but last weekend her husband decided to take it out of their garage and wash it.

A few moments later the image appeared.

Since Sunday, a steady stream of family, friends, neighbors and strangers has stopped by to pray and take pictures of the image… Onlookers say the image is a miracle because the distinct colors and outline of the image on the truck match the image of Virgin Guadalupe.

Now I think it is obvious that this is not the sort of item Mary would choose to reveal herself in, I mean really, what sort of message is there to strengthen people’s faith by appearing in bird poo? When times are hard and things are crappy don’t worry there is a higher power? Shit happens?

I mean it’s just ridiculous, right?

The only conclusion is that Jesus himself orchestrated this false appearance to make Mary look bad and give himself an upper hand in their ongoing contest, that frankly, Mary had been winning fairly easily of late. Dirty pool Jesus. Dirty pool.

As an aside Jesus: you are the son of God and have semi-phenomenal cosmic powers and all that. Couldn’t you have done a better job representing your own Mother than this?

If I drink a six-pack really quickly, and cover my right eye while squinting with my left, I think I might, sort of, see Princess Leia. Maybe.

As always, my prayer:

Jesus and Mary I humbly beseech thee. Should you mercifully decide to bring your contest to my household, though I am but a worthless servant, please reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value. A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

HT: Zwingli For Homeschooling