CMMI Quarter-Finals: Hokey Pokey vs New Mystics
Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey
In its first round match-up the Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey put its right fist in Guitar Praise’s face and KO’ed it receiving 91 % of the vote. Expect more of a slugfest this round.
Apparently, though maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise, Mephistopheles trolls Scotteriology. He left a comment concerning the HGHP after the first round, “The HGHP is truly a magnificent pastiche of SSRI-induced psychosis coupled with west-coast worship. As a matter of fact, Belial and I are doing it right now.”
The HGHP is perhaps the saddest, lowest, most incomprehensible moment in the history of Christianity. It is difficult to understand how any form of Christianity, at any point in the history of humanity, under any circumstance possible, could degrade into this foolishness.
To see any form of content so divorced from the extreme emotionalism is horrifying. It’s the Hokey Pokey, and they treat it like magic.
And the way that dude sings the song… it’s the Hokey Pokey dude. Come on. (Thanks J!)
The New Mystics
The New Mystics are not some glass jawed lightweight for the HGHP to push around. No siree! Rappin Pastor made that mistake in the first round, and using a form of “drunken boxing,” but in the New Mystics case “stoned streetfighting” Rappin Pastor was destroyed by a feint with baby Jesus-smoke-pipe to the left, a punch to the sternum, and finally, the heavy drunken glory right-hook.
It’s hard to adequately describe the ‘theology’ of the Poo Mystics. They take, literally, a few words from Acts, and then make thousands of words from the rest of the Bible subject. I’ve heard of special pleading… but this is ridiculous! Of course, when you have such a narrow, confused, idiotic, and truncated theology what follows is necessarily derivative of such negatively connotative adjectives.
I wish there was “one” video that was indicative of the insanity of these dudes–as with the other videos in this competition–but they are so messed up (and scattered) more than one shall have to demonstrate.
In this video (at about two minutes among the other insane foolishness): “You will live and you will not die. Sickness is not your portion. You’re going to live for hundreds and hundreds of years. Yeeeaaahhh, dawg. I’m talking’ like three, four, five-hundred years old.”
Hmmmm… what are the chances that if we track the life-lengths of everyone at that meeting that none of them lives past a hundred?… or if we do a study of all the “word-of-faithers-new-mystics” of the last thousand years NONE of them made it to a hundred? Never mind “three, four, five-hundred years old!”
Unfortunately, with these two ________________ (fill in blank here, and be sure to let me know in the comments) there are more videos to testify to their madness.
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This is an epic, epic battle that will be told of for generations to come, “Once upon a time, lo, did two giants… nay, Titans meet on the field of battle. Their madness and insanity were legendary… legen—dary.”
There can be only one!
Overtaken by joy wins! A beatiful contradition of the fuits of the spirit = self control. Wiked!
Man. It’s so tough to vote against HGHP. But the new mystics are just so goofy and stupid… If this contest is for insanity, I think it’s pretty tough to vote against John Crowder.
It’s still early, but it looks like my favorite might be done for (HGHP)!
They are both bad theology to the point of insanity.
Honestly, I’d vote for whichever has a greater influence, but I don’t know which one.
Joyner and Crowder have both written books (in the most general sense possible). Joyner has written more, so my vote goes for HGHP.
Tokin’ the Ghost wins this hands down. HGHP is a schoolkid prank compared to the sheer insanity that is Crowder’s stoner theology. Crowder is like HGHP on acid!
Its the hokey pokey vs the okey dokey! This was tough! But I am going for the mystics; they are completely incoherent.
Man that was so difficult, almost changed my mind a second before i clicked the submit button but think its got to be the New Mystics for the win (if win is the right word.)
One thing I will say for the Hokey Pokey, that singer is cute! However, they still get my vote (sorry cute guy). Relatively sane people should be held to a higher accountability than the obviously insane.