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CMMI: Rick Pino vs Christian Side-Hug

March 27, 2010

The Madness continues! This is the final contest of this round; we will move into the semis on Monday.

You won’t often read the words “Zwingli was right” in a sentence-in fact this may be the only time in the history of mankind–but with these two videos his prohibition on music in the church seems the only sensible conclusion.

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for people to do really, really stupid things, that takes religion.

Just a quickie for all of the Youtube commenters: no David did not dance naked in front of the ark (and even if literally was naked it is poor exegesis to make all verses subjective to one), and yes, I am allowed to judge! In case you missed the memo, Jesus put me in charge of this sort of thing. It’s written on the heavenly tablets.

Christian Side Hug

It is hard for me to adequately describe the travesty of this video.

When I first saw it I thought it was a joke. OK, ha ha, whatever… but then it slowly dawned on me that no they might not be joking. Then I started paying attention to the wonderful lyrics

“Gimme that Christian Side Hug, Gimme That Christian Side Hug, I’m a Rough Rider filled up with Christ’s Love, Gimme that Christian Hug…”

I have been hard in the past on the lyrics of other songs, but it is difficult for me to imagine a worse line in any song ever written than: I’m a Rough Rider filled up with Christ’s Love.

It actually hurts my brain. Possibly, the worst line ever written in a Christian song.

Unfortunately, the song continues: “…When I hug people I leave room for the Holy Spirit.”

What?

If you say that five times in a row you will actually retard your own IQ by fifteen points. OK: now that is the worst line ever written in a Christian song.

Who am I kidding?

They’re both horrible. It’s like trying to choose between herpes and syphilis.

The ‘performers’ in this video inquire, “Are you all ready to party up in here-ah?”

Ummmm… no we’re not. Please stop.

Right Round Rick Pino

I apologize in advance to anyone who watches this video that may be a musician. Your ability to write anything profitable may be severely impeded for a short while. I’m sorry.

We know that we can’t receive anything from anyone until we have honor in our hearts for them

Ummm… ????

So just like Moses, as a sign of honor, as a sign that you are removing the things that separate you from the holy place I just invite you to kick off your shoes right now… and while you’re down there grab a couple of socks!

Wow.

I know it’s shocking that he attempts to use such Christianese to sound holy– full-well knowing what asininity he is about to propose– just to get people spinning socks during his “performance”… but… just like Moses?

What?

Really? Good God… Really?

However, even more shocking is that the sheeple totally buy it… and still worse yet: defend him! ‘Cause you know, “David danced naked…”

The couplet at 2:58 is horrifying. We used to sing this as a joke, as over-the-top silliness: “Put your hands in the air and worship like you just don’t care.” Ooops, I mean “aa-yah” and “cay-yah”. The pain; the horror.

Once more, there is only one way to put this. To paraphrase: Millions of years from now, after Western Civilization has fallen and the Earth has ruptured and cooled and been reborn and a new life form has taken over the planet, if any of them happen to stumble upon a working DVD player and a copy of Rick Pino’s “Right Round” they will sum up the passing of our culture with two simple words: “Good riddance.”

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44 Comments leave one →
  1. katyhalo permalink
    March 27, 2010 10:12 am

    Wow, and I always thought that episode of South Park where Cartman formed a Christian rock band was satire. Apparently swapping the word ‘baby’ in a popular song for ‘Jesus’ is actually a legitimate songwriting technique. Ugh.

  2. March 27, 2010 10:44 am

    CSH simply for the fact that asserting you are a “rough rider” proves no thought at all went into the lyrics of this travesty. If you are writing a song about your sexual phobias then don’t use innuendo.

    Right round is just a case of some folks needing to graduate from Sunday school. I’m sure little thought was given to this either because the potential stench of so many socks whipping through the air is just not something I’d ever, ever, ever want to chance in any sort of setting. That alone could make it a (thank God) Darwinian dead end. Seriously who’s going to be up for fornicating after that stench is released? But the CSH forbids the bump and grind while at the same time calling for it??? I think those folks are more in danger of reproducing!

    God help us all.

  3. Maxx permalink
    March 27, 2010 10:52 am

    Did anyone else notice that a synthesizer version of “The Imperial March” was playing during Christian Side Hug? Rather fitting, in my opinion.

  4. Michael B permalink
    March 28, 2010 4:14 am

    Everyone seems to be going for CSH, but I think that’s meant to be somewhat of a joke. I mean, they’re clearly serious about side hugging, but it definitely has the air of youth pastors inviting their kids to laugh at them. Rick Pino’s little travesty seems like it was actually done in the context of a worship service, which in my mind, makes it worse.

  5. March 28, 2010 7:28 am

    I’m going for the side hug.

  6. Jake permalink
    March 28, 2010 8:02 am

    The side hug was a joke segment at a youth rally. End of. Seriously everyone, in the immortal words of Jimmy Valmer from South Park: “C-c-c-come on you guys.” I happen to think that “Democratic shift in the congress” is one of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard in a song. I leave you all with this:

    ps: Nothing in CSH can even come close to the sheer madness that is Rick Pino’s hair. The side hug rappers dressed up like that as a joke. Pino comes out of the hair salon looking like that ON PURPOSE.

  7. bagger permalink
    March 30, 2010 7:38 am

    In my day, a “Rough Rider” was a condom “studded for her pleasure.” And they’ve got one filled up with Christ’s Love? Gross.

    • October 14, 2010 2:38 pm

      omg. i just peed my pants.

  8. Luke Warm permalink
    March 30, 2010 9:21 pm

    Rick Pino needs to get right round to some vocal lessons.
    And maybe an audio tech to deal with that nasty ground hum.

  9. Luke Warm permalink
    March 30, 2010 11:01 pm

    As far as “rough rider filled up w/ Christ’s love”…
    …well, I mean, haven’t Christians been singing “Joy to the world, the Lord is cum” for centuries?

  10. Jon H permalink
    April 25, 2010 2:51 am

    The “socks” thing makes me think of the military saying “drop your cocks and grab your socks”.

    I’d prefer *not* to have thought of that.

  11. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    May 20, 2010 11:09 am

    What really makes “Christian Side Hug” surreal is the performers. Wholesome Christian Whiggas tryin’ to act So Gangsta, yet not do or say anything that could possibly offend the Church Ladies. Something’s got to give, and this time it was the Reality Barrier.

    As for “You Spin Me Round Spin Me Round Round Jeesus Round Round,” first it’s an obvious filk of a song about a pole-dancing stripper. (“Just like “You Spin Me Round”, Except CHRISTIAN!”) Second, why didn’t they go all the way and set their socks on fire before Spinning them Round Round Jeesus Round Round? Jamaican Street Concert — “MORE FIRE! MORE FIRE!” (Maybe Tokin-the-Ghost Clowder could provide Da Ganja — excuse me, Jehovah-juana.)

  12. lulu permalink
    July 3, 2010 2:15 pm

    RICK PINO…. IS AWESOME …….. I THINK YOU ALL NEED TO FIND LOVE!! AND HAVE FUN!! NOT EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT BORING GOD STUFF… COME ON READ YOUR BIBLES PEOPLE… EVERYTHING IN IT WAS OUT THERE!!! HAHAHA PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND WAVE THEM LIKE YOU JUST DONT CARE!! MESS UP OH LORD!!

    • October 14, 2010 2:43 pm

      Hey Fellas,
      Lulu here is making a big point. All caps.

  13. Jake permalink
    July 4, 2010 6:28 am

    WHY ARE YOU YELLING????

  14. Shelsea Harwood permalink
    August 28, 2010 7:53 am

    I love to worship with Rick Pino! Who cares if he is a little out there? The Bible does say that we are a peculiar people. He isn’t hurting anyone with the way he looks. God looks at the heart of man. His style of worship helps to lead people into a freedom in worshiping the one true God. It seems that it’s okay for people to act this way at football games and concerts, so why not show that we are not ashamed of the Lord? We’re off to worship along with Rick tonight. We enjoy both his spontaneous worship and his songs that are written. The Bible does tell us to sing unto the Lord a new song, I think that means a song from the heart.

    • Michael B permalink
      August 28, 2010 11:24 am

      I’ve always thought it ironic that when people say “sing to the Lord a new song” that they are in fact, quoting a song that’s, what, 2500-3000 years old?

    • October 14, 2010 2:45 pm

      I’d prefer to worship a god that has good taste.

  15. Jake permalink
    August 28, 2010 9:19 am

    Except that it’s not a new song, is it? They took a crap song and rehashed it in the context of a worship service. I mean, I could take a dump on stage and everyone would say: “That’s disgusting.” But if I took a dump onstage and put some tinsel on it, would everyone say: “Wow, that’s beautiful.”?

    Nevermind. They probably would. The point is, a crap song is still a crap song and will always be a crap song. Don’t give God your crap songs.

    Now I’m all for fun and creativity but maybe we should put a little bit more thought and effort into the offering of worship that we’re giving to the almighty creator God. “Mess up oh Lord” says lulu??? Oh Lord, it’s messed up alright.

    Someone let me know when a new, hip rocksta… erm, worship leader decides to cover this song in a worship service: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2Fnet0y9Ts

  16. August 28, 2010 2:36 pm

    Shelsea,

    This is most likely a waste of time as you have been conditioned not to think or question, and unfortunately, place so much emphasis on a person (other than Jesus), and regrettably in this case, someone like Pino, that catch phrases to support this is all you have. “The Lord is doing a new thing…” I could go on about that but why bother. If Jesus himself told you this was offensive to him you would say, “But Jezus, we are a peculiar people, and his style of worship helps to lead people into a freedom.” What sort of freedom I know not. I am reminded of an ancient Pharisee who said, ““Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial.”

    The Bible says lots of things, your random sampling aside. One of the things it says is love the Lord your God with all of your mind (should try using that gray matter on some of Rick’s ‘lyrics’).

    I mean, come on, what he tries here is just gross. First he starts with this manipulative gem, “We know that we can’t receive anything from anyone until we have honor in our hearts for them.” And from there proceeds to this crap, “So just like Moses, as a sign of honor, as a sign that you are removing the things that separate you from the holy place…”

    What do you think is coming after this Christianese BS? Something that actually honors God? Or something about having fun and doing a ‘new thing’?

    I’ll answer for you: what follows has nothing to do with ‘honoring’ God

    Instead, “I just invite you to kick off your shoes right now… and while you’re down there grab a couple of socks!”

    Ultimately, I would need a couple of chapters in a book to break down the problems with the overall statement concerning where God is located, our access to him, the finished work of Christ, and the difference between the old and new covenant.

    However, the most offensive thing is that he uses this Christianese for his real purpose: to get people spinning socks during his “performance”.

    Jesus once told a story about some sheep and goats. The goats did lots of things in ‘Jesus’ name’. Apparently, according to Jesus, they weren’t quite the right things. I could just see Rick now after Jesus declares he doesn’t know him, “But Jesus I got people to have fun and spin socks for you!”

    It’s not just bad, it’s disgusting, and if you had any familiarity with the Bible, Jesus, and Christianity, you would be able to see through this self-soothing, self-masturbating, worshiping at the idol of me and fun.

  17. Olivia permalink
    September 13, 2010 12:56 pm

    Unless you’ve ever MET Rick Pino or even the people who performed this other song, you have no right to speak. And considering the Lord loved them for their heart of TRUE worship instead of “ordinary worship,” you REALLY have no right to speak.

    Do yourself a favor and look up some of Rick Pino’s SONGS. Look up some of his WORK, other than just the one thing you dislike or feel you have a right to criticize. I’m glad you’ve proved that both of these artists’ work are absolutely not normal. My God deserves a crazy, consistent, REAL praise.. not what looks normal to you.

    • September 15, 2010 12:41 pm

      I’m impressed. Olivia knows how God responded to Rick Pino and his band. Apparently, the Lord loved them for their worship.

      How exactly does one know how God responded to something someone does?

      • Kdves permalink
        December 3, 2010 10:59 pm

        Someone sure likes to judge and criticize. No worries, we will be praying for you! :)

        • December 4, 2010 3:48 am

          Because telling someone “You’re wrong, but I’ll pray for you” is never judgmental at all.

          • Kdves permalink
            December 4, 2010 10:57 am

            It’s not about right or wrong, nor did I make it about that. It’s about knowing, through God and the Bible that the only one who has the right to judge is God himself. We aren’t perfect as humans, but striving to be more like God I feel includes trying to embrace ambiguity and know that we are all different. I celebrate this.

    • Nick permalink
      October 1, 2010 9:37 am

      This makes my head hurt. People like this are out there procreating.

    • Chris Traina permalink
      October 29, 2010 10:01 pm

      amen! Rick Pino is definetely one of the most annointed worship leaders in the body of Christ. Anybody who consider’s themselves a Christian is part of the same body is Rick and these dancers. We all have seen bodies that fight against themselves, it doesn’t turn out good for them. So please, let’s repent of mocking our brothers and sisters.

      • October 30, 2010 10:18 am

        What rubric does God use to evaluate how anointed a worship leader is? What are the criteria? Does God have a Top 10 Most Anointed Worship Leader list?

        • Jake permalink
          October 30, 2010 11:40 am

          Most Oil Used.

          Clearly then, Rick has reached “Deep Horizon” levels of anointing.

      • Kdves permalink
        December 3, 2010 10:56 pm

        I agree entirely! He performed at our church tonight and it was so amazing. The presence of God filled the room. He truly is anointed. Last I checked, our God is not one to keep score or needs a rubric. I witnessed it, and felt it. That’s enough for me! God knows Rick’s heart, and it truly emulates through his songs. I thank God for blessing him with a talent he isn’t afraid to use. I can’t tell you how many people were in awe of his singing and God’s presence tonight. It left an indelible imprint for certain! :)

  18. Chris Traina permalink
    October 29, 2010 9:59 pm

    I can say this with 100% confidence. God absolutely loves Rick Pino. As a matter of fact God absolutely loves the world. So to make a webpage to mock people and be completely unloving is not at all of God. I pray that God would teach you about his love. All that said, I love y’all

    • Kdves permalink
      December 3, 2010 10:48 pm

      Amen! My thoughts, exactly. :)

  19. Theophilus permalink
    November 5, 2010 9:40 am

    Of course God loves Rick Pino. Of course God loves the world. And we should stand in unity with our brothers and sisters who truly love God. But can you seriously say that Rick Pino is 100% about pursuing the holiness of God and the glory of God when he has people spinning worn socks above their heads in “worship”? He is supposed to be a worship LEADER, so he is LEADING people not closer to the throne of God but further away by such ridiculous “worship” practices.

    • Kdves permalink
      December 3, 2010 10:47 pm

      Really? Last I checked, we are all different and worship can be manifested in so many ways. Rick Pino performed at our church tonight and I left in awe. The presence of God was unbelievable. Rick Pino thinks outside the box and reaches many who wouldn’t normally be reached. Praise God for that, and Rick Pino. This mundane world is so uptight and can’t stand being out of their comfort zone. If it’s not for you, fine… but judging and insulting him is far more damaging than waving a sock in the air.

  20. December 3, 2010 11:13 am

    you should take vocal lessons if there is a need for you to sound like Taylor Swift or Josh Groban `’.

  21. December 4, 2010 3:50 am

    This post is never going to die, is it.

  22. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    December 10, 2010 10:34 am

    Nope.

  23. Bry permalink
    January 24, 2011 7:54 pm

    what about childlike faith? Little children don’t have all the right and holy words… and yet we must become like children to enter into the kingdom of heaven. There is a difference between being silly and being irreverent.. and rick pino was certainly not being irreverent. He sees the Lord as his daddy, and he is is child. God touched my heart after i responded critically to his music… we all need to see where God can make us more like little children, unabashed and unashamed to worship with abandon.

    • January 24, 2011 9:31 pm

      I don’t quite understand how spinning socks over your head is relevant. Perhaps I’m failing to understand the metaphor.

  24. August 21, 2011 1:24 am

    Hhahaha Rick Pino rocks my socks! Songs For An End Time Army is great and The Narrow Road is even better! You guys should check him out! God Bless!

  25. August 22, 2011 12:36 pm

    I used to be recommended this blog by way of my cousin. I’m not positive whether or not this publish is written via him as nobody else understand such specified approximately my problem. You are wonderful! Thank you!

  26. Michael permalink
    January 25, 2012 12:45 pm

    You people need to see where its at. God works in amazing ways. Anything that will bring one person to Christ is the best thing in his eyes.
    God uses all people and certainly is using these Guys.
    In the words of Rick Pino we are warriors but if you are all turning against our brothers how are we meant to stand in Unity against the enemy and against the world.
    Open your hearts and let God manifest himself to you.
    We are all about letting God come in amazing ways.
    When Christ can pierce through our outter skin and our worldly conformity then we truely can rise up to sit on his thrown.
    Let your body free, let the spirit fill you up then you will see there is nothing wrong here.
    Lets just worship God with all we are.

    • January 25, 2012 2:18 pm

      “We are all about letting God come in amazing ways. When Christ can pierce through our outter skin… then we truely can rise up to sit on his thrown.”

      God sounds pretty homoerotic to me. Apparently, he also hates grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

      • lilli permalink
        December 20, 2013 8:55 am

        homoerotic? Only if you’re a dude :)

        *seedy grin*

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