As regular readers of Scotteriology know Mary and Jesus have been involved in a contest of publicly appearing in a variety of items. For a long while it seemed that Mary had the upper hand until recently when Jesus seemed to turn the tables on her with some dirty pool by making the image of his own mother appear in some bird poop. Jesus followed that by appearing in an MRI.

Clearly, the gloves were off, and for the first time in a long time Jesus appeared to be in firm control of the contest between he and his mother. However, Mary responded in brutal fashion by faking an appearance of Jesus in the house of a woman named after a whore, in a sin city themed bathroom, inside of the toilet!

It seemed that control of the contest was once again slipping back towards Jesus’ mother, and Jesus needed to respond with something really big in order to re-establish his primacy.

Jesus has not disappointed.

Jesus Christ Spotted On Mars

If looked at… this photo released by Nasa…  show[s] the face and robed body of Christ

The image was taken by a camera on Nasa’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter on August 3 and published this week The view shows gullies near the edge of the Hale crater on southern Mars.

The scope of this appearance is really beyond comparison in relation to the items previously used: cheese toast, a tree, an MRI, etc. I mean those items just can’t compare to a planet. A planet! I can just hear Jesus now, “Through me and for me all things were made ‘Mom’. Watcha you gonna do now?” At this point in the conversation Jesus starts his victory dance “The Messiah Robot.”

By my estimation this puts Jesus back in the lead, and Mary is going to have to appear in a galaxy or a blackhole or something grand of that nature to catch up. Of course, she could always fake an appearance of Jesus in another crappy place as the judges here at Scotteriology award high points for that sort of skulduggery.

As always, my prayer:  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

HT: Arni for the heads up.

As regular readers of Scotteriology know Mary and Jesus have been involved in a contest of publicly appearing in a variety of items. For a long while it seemed that Mary had the upper hand until recently when Jesus seemed to turn the tables on her with some dirty pool by making the image of his own mother appear in some bird poop. Jesus followed that by appearing in an MRI; thereby, once-and-for-all ending the debate on whether he “actually” lives inside a person.

Clearly, the gloves were off, and for the first time in a long time Jesus appeared to be in firm control of the contest between he and his mother.

Jesus may want those gloves to be put back on because Mary has come out swinging for a knockout using Jesus’ tactic against him by faking an appearance of Jesus in a place he would never, ever, ever choose for himself.

With her attack documented in the video Mary has shown an uncharacteristic savage side.

First, the location Mary chose to fake this appearance in is occupied by a woman named Magdalena. She could have faked the appearance at a place by someone named Sue, Tracy, or Gayle; but no, she intentionally made Jesus appear at “Magdalena’s”. The obvious biblical correlation? Mary Magdalene. So Jesus is appearing at the house of someone named after a whore.

But there’s more.

Second, not only did she fake Jesus’ appearance at a harlot’s, but in the bathroom, and not just any bathroom either, not the nice bathroom that’s all flowery and stuff, but the other bathroom: the one that is a veritable add for Las Vegas and decorated in Vegas “cheese-ball style.” Seriously, what are the odds of that? That a “Magdalene” would have a bathroom decorated with Vegas stuff? You know what the nickname for Vegas is right?

Sin City!!!

So here’s a faked Jesus appearance in the bathroom of a house decorated to celebrate sin that is occupied by someone named after a whore.

But there’s still more.

Lastly, and assuredly most cruelly, there were so many places in the sin city of the whore’s bathroom that Mary could have chosen to place Jesus’ image: a towel, the soap, the bathtub, the ceiling, the sink. Surely, this bathroom was already a bad enough place as it was… but no. There was one more indignity for Jesus to suffer. Mary caused the appearance to happen… in the toilet!

Who the Sheol does that?!?

The contest may getting to a point where Big Poppa has to step in and put an end to all appearances for awhile, because literally, this is the unholy trinity of faked appearances: at the whore’s house, in the sin bathroom, inside the toilet.

I mean really: why doesn’t she just kick Jesus in the junk while she’s at it?

At this point the contest might be too close to call. Seeing as this was a 10-8 round for Mary with the savage knockdown I’m going to give her the slight advantage.

As always, my prayer (especially with this thing getting scatological and all):  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

HT: Nicola for sending this along to me

As regular readers of Scotteriology know, Mary and Jesus have been involved in a contest of publicly appearing in a variety of items that was escalating into some fairly serious territory; however, with a recent appearance Jesus seemed to have taken the contest in a different, much more friendly direction.

It was a ruse.

Apparently, Jesus was using his “friendly” appearance in a coffee mug as a diversionary tactic to strike an unexpected low-blow against his own mother by faking an appearance of her in some bird poop.

Jesus has used his suddenly advantageous position, and seized the moment to really try and wrestle this contest away from Mary, and has revealed himself in an MRI.

The message is clear: Jesus really does live inside you! Gives new meaning to the song, “Since Jesus Decided To Live In My Heart.”

A Philadelphia woman is claiming that Jesus had made a special appearance on his world tour of weird places by deciding to drop in and say hi on an MRI image.

Rhonda Hodge had a set of MRI shots taken due to issues with a bulged disc, when she made the startling discovery. “What went through my mind?” Hodge told local media. “Just surprise. Oh my God, that’s the crucifixion.”

Hodge isn’t going as far as saying Jesus performed a miracle as well, but she’s not ruling it out: “My neck does feel better. I don’t know if that was Jesus or physical therapy.”

There is no word yet on when the image will make its way onto eBay, although credit where due, the local station did get her to say that she’s considering it.

As always, my prayer:  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

As regular readers of Scotteriology know, Mary and Jesus have been involved in a contest of publicly appearing in a variety of items that was escalating into some fairly serious territory; however, with his last appearance Jesus seemed to have taken the contest in a different, much more friendly direction.

What a ruse.

Apparently, Jesus was using his “friendly” appearance in a coffee mug as a diversionary tactic to strike an unexpected low-blow against his own mother.

Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping

The Pachuca family of Bryan says an image on their pickup truck is a miracle. The image that came in an unlikely form of a bird dropping appeared on Sunday. That was the first time Salvador Pachuca had been back to the home since having an accident there four months ago.

“I told my brothers come over here and see what this is and they say this is the Virgin,” he said. Family members made their way outside to see the image on the truck’s side mirror. Cristal Pachuca said she took pictures and began making calls to invite others to see, what she describes as, a miracle.

“We just all feel protected. It’s a blessing to our family and to everybody that comes to see it,” says Cristal Pachuca. Cristal says the truck doesn’t get much use, but last weekend her husband decided to take it out of their garage and wash it.

A few moments later the image appeared.

Since Sunday, a steady stream of family, friends, neighbors and strangers has stopped by to pray and take pictures of the image… Onlookers say the image is a miracle because the distinct colors and outline of the image on the truck match the image of Virgin Guadalupe.

Now I think it is obvious that this is not the sort of item Mary would choose to reveal herself in, I mean really, what sort of message is there to strengthen people’s faith by appearing in bird poo? When times are hard and things are crappy don’t worry there is a higher power? Shit happens?

I mean it’s just ridiculous, right?

The only conclusion is that Jesus himself orchestrated this false appearance to make Mary look bad and give himself an upper hand in their ongoing contest, that frankly, Mary had been winning fairly easily of late. Dirty pool Jesus. Dirty pool.

As an aside Jesus: you are the son of God and have semi-phenomenal cosmic powers and all that. Couldn’t you have done a better job representing your own Mother than this?

If I drink a six-pack really quickly, and cover my right eye while squinting with my left, I think I might, sort of, see Princess Leia. Maybe.

As always, my prayer:

Jesus and Mary I humbly beseech thee. Should you mercifully decide to bring your contest to my household, though I am but a worthless servant, please reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value. A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

HT: Zwingli For Homeschooling

As regular readers of Scotteriology know, Mary and Jesus have been involved in a contest of publicly appearing in a variety of items that was escalating into some fairly serious territory; however, with his latest appearance Jesus has taken the contest in a different direction.

Grounds for hope in a stained coffee mug

By BRIAN ETTKIN, Staff writer
Last updated: 8:04 a.m., Wednesday, June 17, 2009

RAVENA — Jerry Stolfi houses Jesus above his kitchen’s stovetop exhaust fan, inside a drab brown cupboard he calls a shrine.

“I hope he doesn’t get lonely in there, you know?” says Stolfi, 49.

“He” is the coffee stain, on a mason jar drinking mug, in which Stolfi sees a bearded image of Jesus Christ bearing a crown of thorns. The image, smaller than a square inch, appeared to him April 29, after he had finished drinking coffee from the jar, which bears the residue of dried coffee and cream.

“It doesn’t smell, though, and I will never be washing it,” he said.

Gives new meaning to the old hymn: In the morning when I rise give me Jesus!

“I recognized it immediately,” said Stolfi’s father, Gerald.

“It’s pretty much showing Jesus’s face,” said Tonney Vachaparambil, one of Stolfi’s co-workers.

“You can see it,” said another co-worker, Jeff Jevons. “I don’t know that it’s anything divine.”

Some of them see something else. One co-worker told Stolfi it looks like bandana-clad John Rambo.

Or Orlando Bloom, some dude in a mullet, Jim West in the ’70s, a coffee stain…

Stolfi has struggled to understand the reason and meaning of it, which has taught him patience, he said. He suspects it’s a sign of gratitude, for he’s “a good guy, but not a saint” who would join the priesthood if he didn’t want to marry and have a family, he said. He feels privileged to have the coffee-stained jar.

“You don’t hear about an image like this coming to everybody every day,” he said. “It’s so rare. He selected me for some reason.”

What’s God trying to tell me? Why did God do that to me? Why did God allow that to happen to me? In considering hermeneutics and presuppositions, perhaps, few things have colored the readings and understandings of modern Christians–in a bad way– than the individualistic tendencies of our society. Me, me, me. That said…

I hate to be the bearer of bad news Mr. Stolfi, but when Jesus appears to you with the crown of thorns it means he wants you to suffer for the gospel and his message… horribly. On the other hand, if he had appeared in his glorious resurrected body you would be all set for a long life of pleasure and opulence. However, suffering for you. So sorry.

As always, my prayer:  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

Seriously, I can’t make up stuff this good.

For the last several months both Mary and Jesus have been in a contest of publicly “appearing” on a variety of objects, and for the most part they have been going back and forth: first one and then the other. However, the contest seemed to have taken a turn for the worse as Jesus turned it up a notch.

Last week, I reported how Jesus had taken a potshot at Mary in their contest of revelation by showing up out of turn, and on top of that sleight, on an item that was eerily similar to a former appearance by his mother.

Mary, once upon a time, appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich. Jesus, for whatever reason, decided to appear twice in a row and the second time on a piece of cheese toast. At the very least, it seemed Jesus was trying to “send a message” to his Mom.

Well Jesus: you gone and done stirred up a hornet’s nest now son!

On the very same day that Jesus’ appearance on a piece of cheesetoast was reported (an event that happened around his “birthday”) Mary in a brilliant tactic appeared on a grill!

How cunning can one woman be?

Burn, Mary Burn. Relic Inferno!

Think about it.The grilled cheese sandwich and the cheese toast were both made on a grill, so when Jesus goes and appears on cheese toast what does the heavenly mother do? Appears on the implement that made the cheese toast!

Brilliant.

Seriously, I may have underestimated Mary’s chances in this contest, because a move of such brilliance and unmitigated gall can’t be over appreciated: she’s brought her “A” game, and laid a challenge at Jesus’ feet that frankly… well, I just can’t wait to see his response.

As always, my prayer:  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

Oh.

Just in case this story couldn’t get any more ridiculous. The most bizarre/awesome picture I have seen in a long time:

Can you smell what the Rock's mother is cookin'?

That’s right: lucha libres checking out the grill… does it need any more verification than that?

I thought not.

For the last several months both Mary and Jesus have been in a contest of publicly “appearing” on a variety of objects, and for the most part they have been going back and forth: first one and then the other. However, the contest seems to have taken a turn for the worse as Jesus has turned it up a notch, taken a preemptive swipe at his Mom, and caused two international events in a row.

You can tell that this has been planned for quite awhile. First, Jesus appears at Christmas in the cheesetoast. I mean Jesus can’t even enjoy his birthday anymore he’s become so consumed with this battle. Second, he waits four months until its Mary’s turn to do something before he allows this to come out in the press. Devious.

Linda Lowe of Inman, S.C. says an image of Jesus appears on a piece of cheese toast her boyfriend made as a late night snack.

Lowe told the Spartanburg Herald-Journal in a story posted at BlueRidgeNow.com that her boyfriend made the snack for her just before Christmas, and when it came out of the oven it bore a familiar image.

Months later, Lowe still has the snack, and she told the paper, “It is a reminder that the Lord is with you every day of your life.”

Even more troublesome than Jesus going out of turn is the fact that he seems to be stealing one of Mary’s prior appearances. Dirty pool, Jesus. Dirty pool. This contest is really starting to get cutthroat.

It’s not the first time that a combination of grilled cheese and bread has produced a sacred image.

In November 2004, the online casino GoldenPalace.com, bid $28,000 to purchase a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that supposedly bore the image of the Virgin Mary.

The woman who sold the sandwich, Diane Duyser said she spotted the image after she’d taken a bite out of the sandwich and saw the face staring back at her.

Wow. Jesus has ratcheted up the seriousness of this contest. I suppose we will just have to sit back and wait to see what kind of response Mary will have–I suggest she appear in the Statue of Liberty as that will be the only appropriate response to Jesus’ challenge and tactics–or see whether Jesus will keep up his guerrilla tactics and appear once again out of turn, or do something else derivative of a former Mary appearance.

And as always my prayer:  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

HT: Colleen Arnott

Article from HERE

Through the last few years Jesus and his mother have been engaged in an epic public battle as to who can “appear”  to their loyal followers the most often, and apparently since they have eternity on their hands the shenanigans between Jesus and his Mom will continue.

A few weeks ago Mary appeared in some ice.  As usual, Jesus did not wait very long to respond to her challenge; because you know he is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, so he’s quite reliable in that fashion!

Face of Christ ‘appears in cushion’ at Jesus-Misericordieux church Reunion

From correspondents in Saint Denis, Reunion|Agence France-Presse|
March 15, 2009 11:06am

THOUSANDS of people have flocked to a Roman Catholic church on the French Indian Ocean island of Reunion after believers said they saw the “face of Christ” in the pleats of a church cushion.

Church officials limited access to the Jesus-Misericordieux church in eastern Saint-Andre’s Cambuston district to a few minutes per visitor as traffic in the area ground to a halt.

Believers and curious onlookers pulled out cameras to take pictures of the cushion attached to the priest’s chair.

Antoinette, an 82-year-old parishioner, said the face was a “divine phenomenon” as tears welled up her eyes.

“This church is a holy site,” added Lise-May, another worshiper.

Saint-Andre authorities put up four tents outside the church on Saturday afternoon so the faithful could follow mass.

A group of about 30 parishioners who had joined a Christian ceremony ahead of the Easter holiday had been the first to notice the particular setting of the cushion.

“This is not a miracle, it’s a sign of God,” said parish priest Daniel Gavard.

Hmmm.  A sign from God is it?  What is God trying to say?

He wants us to sit in comfort when we go to church? For us to get rid of uncomfortable wooden pews? Or should we just have divinely comfy pillows for those pews?

Questions that demand an answer.

Anyways, as usual, when Mary responds in the next several weeks by appearing in something we’ll try to figure out what she might be saying or how J to the sus might respond.

And as always my prayer:  Jesus and Mary should you decide to ever bring your contest to my household:  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item of great value!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.  Amen.

Through the last few years Jesus and his mother have been engaged in an epic public battle as to who can “appear”  to their loyal followers the most often, and in the weirdest objects.  A sandwich, an eggplant, an MRI, a grape, a moth, a water stain… and on and on, and back and forth they go.  Every once in awhile they graciously appear in an sacred item that the blessed servant may then quickly cash in on e-Bay for some of the wealth of this world.

Though, I’m guessing that could come back to bite you in the ass on judgment day.  Jesus asks to see the object that he has radically revealed himself in so he can show it off to Mary, and Joe Schlep has to explain how he sold it online.  I imagine Jesus responding to this insult by shooting Joe with laser beams from his eyes knocking him through a trapdoor to hell… or maybe not.

Anyways, Mary has responded to Jesus’ latest appearance by carving herself in a piece of ice.  Apparently, there was some left over Cana product consumed before she began.

“Miracle” in Ice? Virgin Mary Seen In Plymouth Ice Formation.

Lionel Gonzalez says he wasn’t the first to notice the ice shaped like the Virgin Mary outside his home. His friend, Jose Perez, did.

Perez stepped into his mobile home Wednesday afternoon and said, “Hey, you know you got the Virgin Mary out there!”

“Don’t be playin’ about that,” Gonzalez responded. “You don’t play about that.”

Yes.  Don’t be playin’ Mary.  Don’t be playin’…

Of all of Mary’s revelations and appearances, however, this one is by far the most disappointing:  A) you have to be fairly drunk, high, or visually impaired in some serious manner to see Mary at all, and B) You can’t sell her on e-Bay!  What good is a holy relic if it’s just going to melt? Not very considerate on Mary’s part, though this may go back to said Cana product.

My only request to Jesus and Mary should they bring their contest to my household :  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.

I anxiously await Jesus’ response to his mother by his next appearance.  Super Jesus powers activate!

For the last several months both Mary and Jesus have been in a contest of publicity “appearing” on a variety of objects: a tree, a sandwich, a moth, a water splotch, etc. Well, Mary has “upped the ante,” so to speak, and has been found on an MRI of a brain. I suppose if this woman told her doctor that she was “hearing voices in her head” she may have an argument!

Clearly, there is only one way Jesus can top this. While all subsequent appearances have been on the outside of objects Mary has taken it “indoors.” Therefore, Jesus must appear in an image of someone’s heart. I’m sure there’s something in there about head knowledge vs. heart knowledge, but I’ll just stop there in case any of my Catholic friends are in the house.

Virgin Mary in Fort Pierce woman’s brain scan

A 42-year-old woman without insurance and mounting medical bills plans to sell an MRI scan of her brain in which the image of the Virgin Mary seems to appear.

Pamela Latrimore has been sick for years with cancer, arthritis and a series of serious ailments she blames on a childhood in Jacksonville, Ark., a place that has been investigated by the U.S. government for possible dioxin exposure. Dioxin is a toxic chemical linked to a variety illnesses including cancer and liver problems.

In 2002, Latrimore had an MRI of her brain done and the results were stashed in her thick pile of medical records. Her sister-in-law looked at the sheet recently and pointed out what appeared to be the image of the Virgin Mary.

Full Article: HERE