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More Pastoral Stupidity

August 28, 2007

As you may have heard Paula White and her co-pastor husband Randy are divorcing. Will this require them to even temporarily step back from ‘ministry’? Of course not. The raping and pillaging of the sheeple must go on. Now, I’m not personally against the Whites (I’m not actively hoping they die a horrible death and burn in hell for eternity), however, theologically and philosophically I find them disgusting and their “message” reprehensible. Being rich, Botox, and face lifts are not the biblical message. Seriously, stop doing that stuff to your face, cuz: damn.

For example, Paula White is doing a ladies’ retreat next week-end titled Satisfied Woman. Wow. Only one word comes to mind: Really? Her book is titled You Can Have It All. Once again: Really? When you speak of the increase, prosperity, your best life now, and all of the self help mumbo jumbo that ensues then you should be disqualified from ministry stealing from people for this sort of behavior. Can you speak the garbage that she does, but have your personal life falling apart and still be legit? If I was a sheeple I think I would be switching my allegiance to Joel Osteen. At least he has a nice smile and there is none of “The Anointing” crap.

prosperity-dummies.jpg

I’m going to assume that I’m preaching to the choir here. As a general rule thinking isn’t encouraged in prosperity or Word of Faith circles, so I imagine Scotteriology and related sites are not high on their reading list, but if any adherents to that philosophy have mistakenly made their way here I have a couple of requests.

First, go out and find out what “worldview” means. First-century people did not understand money the way you do, or have the same assumptions towards money that you do. There were no banks. There was no ATM’s. There was no interest. You have to understand how they understood money before you can use their writing to substantiate your argument. Investigate how much money a first-century Galilean fisherman would have seen and used in his lifetime. I think the verse about having all of your needs met might take on a different meaning.

Secondly, some how some way, you are going to have to show me prosperity in the lives of Jesus, his disciples, and the early church. Jesus: poor and crucified. I’ll give you a pass because he had to do that whole atonement thing and all, but couldn’t he have at least done it in style? Let’s see, disciples? poor and martyred. Peter? martyred. Paul? poor and martyred. James the brother of Jesus? Killed by the Sanhedrin. Justin the martyr? Well, his name is a small clue. Polycarp, Ignatius, I mean the list goes on and on.

Where is Peter and Paul in Rome living in a large villa with slaves at their beck and call, piles of money all over the floor, living Their Best Life Now? Why was Jesus not the head of the Sanhedrin, or one of the priestly elites? Why was he a poor outsider? Seriously, at some point you are going to have to harmonize the life of Jesus and his followers to what you speak. Where is Paul writing, “For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified… and of course, how to be rich, healthy, happy, and the most successful people in Corinth“? Where does Peter write: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you are sharing Christ’s sufferings, so that you may also be glad and shout for joy when his glory is revealedin your finances“? The “prosperity” you preach cannot be found in their lives.

Finally, the priestly elite that Jesus so often clashed heads with, and were largely responsible for his death, were the richest people group in Jerusalem! They had nice big houses built that overlooked the Temple, and their own bridge that took them from their mansions to the Temple. They lived in extravagance. They were a small portion in the population, but had most of the resources. It just absolutely blows my mind that untrained and unaware ministers now take the stories of Jesus who was vehemently against this priestly elite’s religious abuses and teach people to be like that priestly elite! It is 100% backwards! One of the writers of the Bible had this to say to his ‘little children,’ “By this we may be sure that we are in him: whoever says, “I abide in him,” ought to walk just as he walked.” There are many ways to do theology badly, but I’m not sure if the plot has been more lost by any other group. You can’t get much further than turning the enemies of Jesus and their lifestyle into the “Gospel.”

Of course, if I am wrong, and what Jesus really meant by take up your cross and follow me was my putting on a platinum and diamond crucifix to show off my bling, then certain aspects of being his disciple just got a whole lot easier.

UPDATE: This could be its own post, but would require the same title. Praise Jesus, Bishop Weeks brings the pimp-hand strong! I gotta go. I need to download as much White, Bynum, and Weeks as I can so that I too can have the same wonderful peace in my life.

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. Jim permalink
    August 29, 2007 12:14 am

    Really Scott, you’re the new and improved Chris Tilling! Brilliant!

  2. August 29, 2007 12:24 am

    You could make a bumper sticker that opposes the prosperity Gospel. It could read as follows:

    What part of “Blessed are the poor” do you not understand?!

    🙂

  3. Kyle permalink
    August 29, 2007 1:13 am

    Amen! Amen!! Amen!!!

    By the way, the same goes for God’s favorite team is the team with the most prayin’ Christians on it.

  4. August 29, 2007 1:41 am

    AMEN!

  5. Jim permalink
    August 29, 2007 1:47 am

    Kyle, in the words of my esteemed professor of systematic theology in college, “God don’t care who wins no ballgame.”

  6. August 29, 2007 9:39 am

    Great article!

  7. August 29, 2007 1:15 pm

    This cracked me up. I loved it!! Your post is, to use the slang of the Sixties, right on! Keep on trucin’!

    I am going to review your post on my own blog – probably tomorrow, if I get enough peace and quiet around the house to write LOL!

    Great piece. Keep on preaching the word.

    Peace!

    John Botscharow

  8. August 30, 2007 8:27 am

    Looks like someone’s not getting their anointing from Jesus.

  9. August 31, 2007 4:10 am

    Josh McManaway said 19 hours ago:

    Looks like someone’s not getting their anointing from Jesus.

    Would you please explain wat you meant by that and to whom it was directed?

  10. August 31, 2007 8:09 pm

    They must be secretly Baptist.

    I heard that immediately after White’s “Satisfied Woman” conference, ‘Bishop’ Weeks is going to teach an Anger management class.

  11. September 1, 2007 12:04 am

    Paul is just being “like Christ”.

    Jesus was reported to spend a lot of time with fishermen in His day. I read somewhere (and therefore believe it to be wholy true) that fishermen back then where the equivelant of interent entrepreneurs and “brat pack” celebs today.

    So Jesus ran with a pretty “hot” crowd. Just as Paula does.

  12. September 1, 2007 7:09 am

    The fishermen of Jesus’s time were entrepreneurs in that they owned their own ‘business’ much like the guy who owns the newspaper stand or the guy who owns the hot dog stand in the park or the independent ice cream truck.

    Jesus did run with a hot crowd” Matthew was a tax collecor, Mary Magdalene was supposedly a whore, and there were lepers, crazies, and other social outcasts who followed him. I think a better modern day equivalent than Paula White would be Che Guevara back in the 1950s in Argentina. Or Mother Theresa. Or Ghandi before India gained independence – say about the time of the salt boycott and the march to the sea. Those people who marched to the sea with Ghandi to make salt and sold that salt in the streets of Delhi and Calcutta were entrepreneurs cut from the same cloth and the fisherman who followed Jesus – not exactly Paula’s crowd.

    To a certain extent they have smiliarities to the brat packers – except none of them had famous fathers. But they definitely were young and rebellious – in more ways than most orthodox Christians want to admit.

  13. October 24, 2007 1:01 pm

    John – a bit late, but it was a joke directed at Scott.

  14. November 2, 2007 9:45 pm

    Scott,

    Sice I seem to be getting some referrals from your blog, I’s like to let all of you know that I’ve moved my blog to its own servers . I’d appreciate you updating any links. And, yes, you’re still in my blogroll. 🙂

    Peace!

    John Botscharow

  15. bitesdadust permalink
    March 3, 2008 9:33 pm

    It does amaze me how some evangelicals don’t seem to read all their bible. Maybe it’s too uncomfortable. If you stretch one verse too far you can end up with a turkey neck. Read the whole lot, brother, The son of man has nowhere to lay his head”.

  16. lonetruth permalink
    July 30, 2008 11:31 am

    Wait… you really are a Christian???????????????

    Dang, I thought this site was totally “fun blasphemy”. Sorry I misjudged. I just added you to my blogroll.

    Keep up the good writing!

  17. philippians314 permalink
    August 18, 2008 8:22 am

    Excellent post! I’d love to hear the Prosperity Gospel Preachers and Word of Faither’s answers. I’ll bet they try to pay you off and give you a Rolls Royce if they don’t have to answer….

  18. November 22, 2008 8:30 am

    Re: “God don’t care who wins no ballgame.” So true. But if sportspeople pray for safety and strength and humility and good sportmanship, that is great. (Or at least refrain from the general immorality that seems to surround professional sports culture and the idolatry given it by the public).

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