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Worst Preacher Ever: Copeland vs Osteen

August 2, 2008

Today’s match is an epic battle with the number eight seed Kenneth Copeland taking on the number nine seed Joel Osteen.

Copeland:

The “Godfather” of the prosperity message has to get serious consideration for worst preacher ever. Not only does he have a massive pile of his own BS he has influenced and inspired others to imitate him just as he doesn’t imitate Christ.

The Godfather lives on a outrageously large compound, and flies around the world in a $20 MILLION dollar jet. Copeland shares how what God has is more than enough so we can work for a giving… to God, others, the church, those in need, starving children in Africa Kenneth!

To be honest I’m not sure the evil he has perpetrated in the name of Christ can ever be added up.

Osteen:

Joel Osteen has an incredibly large church and a very big audience. I saw a story about him where he was signing copies of “Your Best Life Now” and a lady commented to him something along the lines of, “This is our Bible now.” I wept…

Joel’s large audience whom he has convinced that his version of Mammonianity–which is a ridiculously over the top conflation of materialism, nationalism, and religious language–is a valid form of Christianity makes him a serious competitor in this championship that no foe should take lightly.

Anyways, you have probably seen his “preaching” on the tube, if you are unfamiliar with Osteen’s body of work take a quick trip over to Youtube to watch some especially bad sermons. If you want to torture someone make them watch the joke compilation video. It makes me want to give him one of those special Todd Bentley prayers that begins with a kick to the face with a biker boot.

I didn’t post a video because I think if anything is indicative of just how bad Osteen is it would be this abomination of desolation:

Osteen demonstrates how he strangles the Gospel

Osteen demonstrates how he strangles the Gospel

Your Best Life Now. THE GAME!!! Not only is his Mammonianity an insult to the gospel he goes and turns it into A GAME! This game may be proof that we are in fact living in the end times. I may have to investigate Revelation a little more closely to find the prophesy that proves my point.

—————————————————

Two Mammonians going head to head; who will win is hard to call. The odds are close. Let the voting begin.

Next match: Jones vs Bynum

20 Comments leave one →
  1. Jake permalink
    August 2, 2008 4:50 pm

    Osteen’s marketing campaigns are the stuff of legend. Copeland has an economy bigger than a lot of countries. Osteen will come out swinging in the early rounds, his board game will work the body and wear down Copeland’s defence. But Copeland can counter with his massive accumulated wealth and the fact that he’s under senate investigation scores big with the judges. Osteen can go the distance in this match, boasting the largest church in America (or is it Oprah’s now?). But just when it looks like this match is going to the judges, Copeland counters with these two quotes:

    “The biggest failure in the Bible, is God.”
    “You don’t have a God in you, you ARE one.”

    TKO in the 10th round. My vote goes to Copeland.

  2. August 2, 2008 6:18 pm

    Well, this is a hard one – because Joel’s father John was one of the big Word of Faith purveyors in the 80’s. The apple does not fall too far from the tree.

    Osteen spent $95 million to renovate the Compaq Center in Houston. “We are really an example of what God has chosen for the church today in the fact of the sheer size.” “Jesus brought the gospel into the marketplace, the village square – everywhere people gathered, and Lakewood will become the “village square”

    I still think Copeland wins. His SCARY facial contortions . His you have a “demon” of everything. Demon of bills, demons of sickness, demon of sloth, demon of hair loss etc. etc.

    His claims that we are gods. “…imparted in you when you were born again. Peter said it just as plain, he said we are partakers of the divine nature. That nature is like eternal in absolute perfection. And that was imparted, injected into your spirit man. And you have that imparted into you by God just the same as you imparted into your child the nature of humanity. That child wasn’t born a whale; born a human. Isn’t that true? Well now, you don’t have a human do you? No, you are one. You don’t have a god in you, you are one.”

    Copeland isn’t afraid of false prophecy either: “But There are going to be multiplied millions upon millions there’s going to be close to a billion people that have been trapped in that religion, that over the next few months are gonna to come into the kingdom of God. That’s gonna happen, you watch and see what I’m telling you (cheering) Because its been…I’m telling you Satan’s fat is in the fire he pushed it over the line, and God has moved… I’d to get in there and walk around a while but I don’t have the time but I can tell you this, that thing has come to an end, its over, I’m talking about Islam and every, all that that stands for. That’s over with. ” (Word of Life Christian Center Honolulu Hawaii, dedication celebration service, evening service, Dec.2, 2001.)

    Joel comes from the same cloth, but is a little less scary to watch, and is more following his father than an originator of horrible theology as Copeland is, so therefor I vote for

    COPELAND

  3. Curious Presbyterian permalink
    August 2, 2008 6:25 pm

    I vote for Osteen.

  4. August 2, 2008 7:25 pm

    This is way tough but for sheer repugnant and filthy heresy I have to give the palm to Osteen. Not since Marcion has a bigger liar paraded as a servant of the Lord. In fact, Osteen will go all the way to the final four and end up in the last showdown with Bentley.

  5. August 2, 2008 8:05 pm

    Osteen.

    Much as I despise the prosperity gospel this is a contest of worst preacher ever. Osteen is the whole package, while Copeland can at least speak.

  6. August 2, 2008 11:20 pm

    Copeland? Who’s that? Talk about old and flabby. Osteen could whip his tushy any day.

    Osteen, all the way! Gimme an O!

  7. August 3, 2008 12:08 pm

    Osteen

  8. Brian permalink
    August 3, 2008 1:40 pm

    This is a really good match-up. Sort of like George Foreman coming out of retirement (after, say, Michael Moorer) to fight Mike Tyson (back when he was the New Great Thing… before Buster Douglas, the rape sentence, and making a snack out of Holyfield’s ear).

    Copeland may have his jets, his biker rallies, and his 18,000 sq-ft mansion, but Osteen’s got the friggin’ Compaq Center and a board game! (How do you top a board game?!) Joel can help you “develop a healthy self-image.” Can Copeland do that? I don’t think so.

    Osteen. Second round knockout.

  9. Jake permalink
    August 3, 2008 2:03 pm

    I still argue for the longevity factor with Copeland (but one could argue the Osteen family legacy too I suppose) so he still gets my vote. My vote for best sports analogy so far goes to Brian. Brilliant.

  10. carmensthreesons permalink
    August 4, 2008 12:15 pm

    Osteen. I know he’s got a few of my relatives hooked!

  11. Brian permalink
    August 4, 2008 12:35 pm

    @ Jake:

    Thank yew. Thank yew. 😉

  12. Dustin permalink
    August 4, 2008 11:19 pm

    i gotta go with copeland on this one. The unbelievable arrogance of that man and the incredible abuse of wealth and resources is just staggering. When i saw him holding a prayer/press conference over the $20 MILLION DOLLAR JET…that was it. The man has a private airport and a FLEET of airplanes…come on…

  13. Matt K permalink
    August 5, 2008 11:08 am

    Osteen. My blood pressure rises just hearing his name.

  14. Clinton permalink
    August 5, 2008 11:24 am

    Osteen

  15. August 5, 2008 12:44 pm

    Copeland.

    I’m not a fan of Osteen, but he’s a lot more mainstream than Copeland. I think you’re right referring to Copeland as the Godfather of Prosperity.

  16. August 5, 2008 2:02 pm

    At least Osteen makes you feel happy in a soma kind of way. Copeland is pretty much Satan.

    Copeland.

  17. August 8, 2008 11:02 am

    Copeland

  18. August 12, 2008 9:56 pm

    As much as I can’t stand Osteen. I’m gonna have to go with Copeland. My thoughts are along the lines of Dustin. How can you hold a prayer/press conference over a $20 Million dollar jet?

    Copeland

  19. August 13, 2008 4:38 pm

    Osteen. Anyone who can smile that big has to be doin’ something wrong 🙂

  20. August 13, 2008 9:33 pm

    So, I’m traveling today for business. I get to Atlanta, and have to call the shuttle from my hotel. Talking to the driver on the way back, she starts asking me about the ninja-like assault Vicky smacked down on the airline stewardess.

    She kept going on about how much she just loves the Osteens. Talk about your paroxysm-inducing moments. This very contest match-up was on my mind during the conversation.

    Just thought you might like to know. You’re international, dude. Interstate, even.

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