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Worst Preacher Ever: Dollar vs Anderson

August 13, 2008

I know what you’re thinking: Forget the Olympics we want our WPEC!!!!!

Well, after coming under heavy scrutiny, and fighting bad weather, the Worst preacher Ever Championships have moved from Edmonton, AB (boooooo) to Chilliwack, BC (yayyyyyy!!!!).

Finally, the first round will be able to continue, and hopefully at an accelerated pace. Today’s contest finds the highly ranked villain “Dr.” Creflo Dollar taking on rising internet star Steven Anderson. Let the championship continue.

Dollar:

I’m sure you’ve all probably heard that Creflo is one of six “pastors” (most who are in this competition) who have been asked by the Senate for a report on their finances. Creflo’s response? Homey don’t pray dat!

You have probably seen or heard of some of Creflo’s finer moments at a pulpit where he has made such epic claims as denying the divinity of Christ, arguing we are gods, and of course, the old reliable Word of Faith trick: if you question the man of God it is from the devil. In this competition Creflo came to drop bombs; he’s got more heresy than the Bible’s got Psalms!

This video is from Creflo “preaching” on Matthew 11. Anyone who has had to prepare a sermon, been trained as a scholar or exegete, or has actually read the gospel of Matthew might have their brain leak out of their ears listening to Creflo’s “sermon”. “Dr.” Dollar was given an honorary “doctorate” by ORU in theology. 1 Corinthians 12 tells us there are a variety of gifts… apparently “Dr.” Dollar has been “gifted” with a degree in theology. It certainly doesn’t help.

Buckle up for four minutes of psychic agony:

Anderson:

Many of the contestants in this competition are well known with large TV ministries. Anderson? Not so much. However, someone has to stand up for the little guy. Steven L. Anderson is that person!

Week in and week out there are horrible preachers who abuse their audiences with a cascade of words that hit their forlorn parishioners and fall to the ground, hopefully, to be forgotten the second their foot crosses the threshold of the church to freedom.

Fortunately, we never have to hear the tripe that escapes that theological abyss. However, for some unknown reason Anderson recorded this sermon and it found its way to YouTube; thereby, leaving a generation of pastors and exegetes scratching their heads and thinking, “Did he really say that? is this a joke?”

At least Anderson shows a modicum of self awareness when he acknowledges in his sermon, “You’re not going to like this, but you haven’t liked the sermon up til now….” No Steven, they probably haven’t.

So many riffs I could make off of that statement… I’m guessing that’s a pretty constant theme through a lot of his preaching, “You haven’t liked the sermon up til now….”

Buckle up and put in the mouth guards for another four minutes of pastoral insanity:

——————————————————

If this competition was merely four minute clips either of these sermons would be very hard to beat without the other contestant being a satanist; however, my guess is that Creflo has a slight edge and will win the voting just because of his history of heinous sermons and epic fleecing of the sheeple for millions of dollars. Let the voting begin.

Next match: King vs. Hagee

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. August 13, 2008 4:14 pm

    Both of those are extremely painful to watch. I was thinking that Anderson had the edge seeing as though he has zero public speaking skills, but Creflo’s abuse of scripture delivered with flair is likely going to have a much greater detrimental effect on the unsuspecting. Creflo gets my vote.

    Sorry Anderson, take a public speaking course and maybe you can be a contender next year. You certainly have the right skills in slaughtering scripture!

  2. August 13, 2008 4:37 pm

    I don’t even know what Creflo was talking about, but Anderson makes so much sense, i actually stood up to urinate on Creflo’s image (fried the crap outta my computer.) Please note I’m not living in Europe, so it’s still legal to stand and pee on my laptop.

  3. August 13, 2008 4:42 pm

    k, now i’m waffling. Creflo’s bad, but what kills me is that Anderson seems to connect pissing on the wall with being good, but God says he wants to destroy them that pisseth on the wall. Every single time in the OT. Does that mean we’re supposed to want to be men or not? Are we supposed to believe that Germany is blessed by God because at least God doesn’t wanna destroy them? i’m confused. And G W B pees sitting down? who knew?

  4. August 13, 2008 5:50 pm

    Excuse me whilst I laugh hysterically.

  5. August 13, 2008 9:59 pm

    I’m listening to Creflo again as I type. Just ‘cuz I like the abuse. That’s right, that’s how I roll.

    Everyone needs to lighten up on Anderson. He’s just explaining scripture; shining a light onto Biblical Principles. Of course, I don’t know exactly what principles he’s trying to illuminate… or what his final point was… He confuses me, too, Mike.

    What we have learned here today: (1) the Bible depicts “W” sitting down to pee, thus ensuring God will not destroy him; and (2) John the Baptist was beheaded because he was angry and lost his temper, completely unrelated to anything Herod or Herodias did (because, it turns out, the people who translated the biblical text did not have the special secret knowledge imparted to “Dr” Dollar).

    Scott, it has become clear to me that if you wish to become a successful theologian and pastor, you should forego your plans in BC and move to Oral Roberts, or wherever the hell Anderson went. “Respectable” seminaries be damned!

    This has made me sad that I didn’t buy Dr Dollar’s book at the airport bookstore this afternoon.

    Creflo by a length. Anderson just doesn’t have the polish, the hubris, or the experience. He can find six obscure, related references. Dollar can see through the actual words of scripture to what never existed there before he said it really happened.

  6. Curious Presbyterian permalink
    August 13, 2008 10:45 pm

    I vote for Anderson.

  7. Jake permalink
    August 13, 2008 11:39 pm

    Creflo is like a Manchester United. No, cancel that. I would never compare that maniac to the thing I love most on this earth (may my guitars and future wife forgive me).

    Creflo is like Chelsea FC. The only reason people know about him is because he’s backed by an unlimited budget. In his case though, he’s not getting his money from a Russian Oil tycoon, he’s getting it from his parishioners…

    Creflo lines up in an aggressive attacking formation. He goes 4-3-3 with lots of speed and finesse down the wings and a polished, lethal finisher up front. He has a solid backline defence built on retarded scriptural knowledge and heretical theology and a creative midfield capable of conjuring up all sorts of heresay’s and blasphemies. As a PREACHER, this guys lineup is a seemingly unstoppable arsenal of power and punch.

    Anderson is like Barnsley. Lower ranked in a lower league they meet the Chelsea like Creflo in an FA Cup style one off playoff match (just like we have here)

    In a game like this Anderson stacks the backline and plugs the midfield with a 5-4-1 formation, putting at least 9-10 players behind the ball at all times. Anderson is ULTIMATELY defensive…. against his congregation that is. His opening salvo makes me think that he’d just been in a fist fight with a guy in the front row moments earlier. This guys public speaking skills scream defence.

    The match goes down like this:

    Dollar’s offensive flair can batter against this small fry all he wants, but in terms of PREACHING, Anderson just might take the day. He’s fired up for this match, Dollar is a mammoth operation. He preaches before thousands and brings all his flourish to the table. He’s undoubtably a champion in this competition (though not quite the true champion we really want. Like Billy Graham, who we will compare to Manchester United here).

    But much like Barnsley in last years FA Cup, who defeated the mighty Chelsea (and the pathetic scousers from Liverpuddle I might add) Anderson takes this one for me…

    If you put Creflo in Anderson’s church, he’s still horrific from a theological standpoint, but preaching and speaking wise he’s very VERY good. Put Anderson in Creflo’s church and he gets shot within 5 minutes. He’s a horrid preacher. His defense stands up and he pokes in a hard earned goal.

    Anderson FTW!

    (ps: United for the treble this year! COME ON YOU REDS! Blue is the color… of misery and sadness)

  8. Jake permalink
    August 13, 2008 11:42 pm

    Actually scratch that. Billy Graham isn’t the Manchester United in the above analogy.

    Jesus is.

  9. August 14, 2008 12:46 am

    OK…

    If your mission was to make me laugh out loud repeatedly then well done guys…well done.

    Best comments so far.

  10. August 14, 2008 1:36 am

    what anderson lacks in size, he makes up for in heart. i mean, say what you will, but it takes heart to turn a sermon on romans 11 into an excuse to pray for the destruction of the entire city of san francisco .

  11. August 14, 2008 10:13 am

    I “like” how Creflo starts out asking important questions, but then quickly goes in the wrong direction. It’s amazing where his “logic” takes him by the end.

    When I first saw the Anderson video I thought it had to be a joke. Something like what RockTV does. It just seems like too much the perfect parody video.

    In the end Creflo has to take this – I actually liked Anderson’s sermon. Who needs theology when you have such wonderful quotes?

  12. Dustin permalink
    August 14, 2008 11:44 am

    i don’t know if i’ve ever seen a more insecure preacher so bent on people hating him in order to feel significant…does repeatedly insulting your audience’s sensitivities count as preaching? he just seems like a little bug in some church basement. Creflo by a mile.

  13. August 14, 2008 11:48 am

    Did Dollar just accuse John the Baptist literally losing his head because he got angry and tried to use logic in a situation?!

    Wow.

    Anderson is kind of endearing because he posts all of his videos himself. It takes a certain kind of man (a stand-up man, if you will) to directly invite that sort of abuse.

    Still Creflo has that whole “attentive audience” thing that scares the crap out of me.

    Creflo for the win.

  14. August 14, 2008 12:57 pm

    Creflo.

    Are we sure that Anderson isn’t a hoax?

    [Scott: I wish he were Dan, but unfortunately, he is an actual pastor. What a lucky congregation!]

  15. August 16, 2008 8:42 pm

    Wow, that was truly the most unbearable 8 minutes I have ever been through. (And I’ve given birth….) While I was watching Anderson I kept waiting for the Candid Camera guys to pop out and do their thing. I had to prop up my jaw so it would stop hitting the floor. scary stuff, good material for a horror movie of some sort. But I have to vote for Dollar….primarily because of his large audience and following. How many saps does it take to start a church? One, if he’s got enough money.

  16. August 19, 2008 3:53 pm

    Creflo gets my vote.
    His facial expressions and use of proper vocal dynamics makes him believable. And that makes him twice as dangerous as Anderson.

    Go Creflo!

  17. Clinton permalink
    August 20, 2008 1:06 pm

    Creflo

Trackbacks

  1. How not to preach… | SamMarsh.net

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