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New Spiritual Gift Discovered in London!!!

December 11, 2008

A shocking new spiritual gift has been discovered at St Mellitus College and St Paul’s Theological Centre.  This gift is the power of the spoken word to put members of a classroom or audience into a powerful and peaceful sleep.  Apparently, the gift which is being termed hupnos was unknown before the arrival of their new NT tutor; then during the last semester many began noticing powerful movements of the spirit as they would “come to” after a lecture feeling like they had been in a state somewhere between narcolepsy and a coma.  Evidence has started to pour into Scotteriology:

"And thusly, so it shall be, and I have therefore proven, and if you go to my blog..."

"And thusly, so it shall be... and I have therefore proven... Paul seems like a good guy to have a pint with... flowers are pretty... and if you go to my blog..."

Hupnos is a powerful new kerygmatic gift that is dynamically manifested through the spoken word of those so empowered.  Apparently–and as opposed to those who thought he had no spiritual gifts–professor Chris Tilling is mighty in the gift of hupnos.  The picture below is fuzzy because by merely saying the word “cheese,” and the photographer being too close to Chris and his anointing, the photographer is actually falling to the ground asleep from the hupnos power of one word from Tilling!

Powerful, powerful stuff.

The lady beside Chris is also falling asleep in this picture. Fortunately, she was still able to lecture even though she was shaking Chris’ hand and glancing in his general direction when he said “hello” to her.  That’s playing with spiritual fire Mrs. Barker.

"You are getting sleepy... very sleepy."

"You are getting sleepy... very sleepy."

Shocking new undeniable charismatic proof that once and for all proves the cessationists wrong.  Surely, this will be a boon and swell the support and donations for CTRVHM (Christ Tilling Real Very Holy Ministries).

More on this story as new information comes available.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. December 11, 2008 11:08 am

    That’s funny! I hope I do not possess this gift once I begin teaching…but I worry about it, I do.

  2. December 11, 2008 11:25 am

    i wondered what he was up to.

  3. December 11, 2008 12:14 pm

    1 Corinthians 12:7 “To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good”

    Everybody needs a good sleep so I am all about the common good.

    You git.

  4. December 11, 2008 12:30 pm

    Clearly, what Chris intended to write was “You gift” in response to the many blessings he has received while reading my blog, and the grace and humility shown in the postings here.

    Stop it Chris you’re making me blush!

    But I shall graciously accept your compliment: I’m a “gift”. Thank you.

  5. December 11, 2008 12:38 pm

    thanks for the nap, I fell asleep for hours after reading his comment – he must have the written gift too? so refreshing!

  6. December 11, 2008 4:19 pm

    I have this gift too!!!! I didn’t know it was a gift. I have a young chap who comes to services and often falls into heavenly snoring as I “preach the word!!!” He claimed it was cause he has a long commute and works construction all day, but now I know – I have a gift.

    I’m so happy now.

  7. Geoff Hudson permalink
    December 12, 2008 2:18 am

    Has anyone fallen out of a window yet? It appears that the gift is not so new (Acts 20:9). The real gift is to look as though you are listening, but be asleep. Studying the reverse sides of one’s eyelids thus is a fine art. But in those days, spiritual gifts were gifts of spirits, good spirits from God of course

  8. December 15, 2008 11:04 am

    Agathos, hilarious. I must ask: where is this gift mentioned in the Bible? Or is it an entirely new thing?

  9. December 15, 2008 7:57 pm

    Sorry Geoff. Had I read all of the comments, I’d have seen where the gift is mentioned in the Bible.

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