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Virgin Mary: Ice Queen of Heaven

February 11, 2009

Through the last few years Jesus and his mother have been engaged in an epic public battle as to who can “appear”  to their loyal followers the most often, and in the weirdest objects.  A sandwich, an eggplant, an MRI, a grape, a moth, a water stain… and on and on, and back and forth they go.  Every once in awhile they graciously appear in an sacred item that the blessed servant may then quickly cash in on e-Bay for some of the wealth of this world.

Though, I’m guessing that could come back to bite you in the ass on judgment day.  Jesus asks to see the object that he has radically revealed himself in so he can show it off to Mary, and Joe Schlep has to explain how he sold it online.  I imagine Jesus responding to this insult by shooting Joe with laser beams from his eyes knocking him through a trapdoor to hell… or maybe not.

bildeAnyways, Mary has responded to Jesus’ latest appearance by carving herself in a piece of ice.  Apparently, there was some left over Cana product consumed before she began.

“Miracle” in Ice? Virgin Mary Seen In Plymouth Ice Formation.

Lionel Gonzalez says he wasn’t the first to notice the ice shaped like the Virgin Mary outside his home. His friend, Jose Perez, did.

Perez stepped into his mobile home Wednesday afternoon and said, “Hey, you know you got the Virgin Mary out there!”

“Don’t be playin’ about that,” Gonzalez responded. “You don’t play about that.”

Yes.  Don’t be playin’ Mary.  Don’t be playin’…

Of all of Mary’s revelations and appearances, however, this one is by far the most disappointing:  A) you have to be fairly drunk, high, or visually impaired in some serious manner to see Mary at all, and B) You can’t sell her on e-Bay!  What good is a holy relic if it’s just going to melt? Not very considerate on Mary’s part, though this may go back to said Cana product.

My only request to Jesus and Mary should they bring their contest to my household :  Please, reveal yourself to me in a non-perishable item!  A very large chunk of gold would be preferred, or a softball sized diamond.  I’ll let you decide.

I anxiously await Jesus’ response to his mother by his next appearance.  Super Jesus powers activate!

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 17, 2009 6:05 am

    screams in frustration, bangs head off monitor.

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