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One Of The Unluckiest Churches In North America

July 20, 2009

Who you ask?

Without Walls in Tampa, Florida received a spiritual kick in the groin last Sunday when it learned that Paula White, a contestant in the Worst Preacher Ever Championship, a dilettante of dilettantes, and without a doubt one of the most derivative, misguided kooks to gain national notoriety behind a pulpit was announced as their new “pastor”:

There are not enough words to express how sorry and bad I feel for her congregation who will have to listen to her misunderstanding of the OT, NT and anything that might sort of be related to the Bible while she yells into the mic trying to imitate a black person.

Televangelist, life coach and author Paula White has returned to the pulpit of the Tampa megachurch she co-founded.

White will take over as senior pastor at Without Walls International Church, replacing her ex-husband, Randy White, who is resigning because of ill health. The couple started the church, initially known as the South Tampa Christian Center, in 1991.

“I’m not visiting,” Paula White said at a service Sunday. “I’m home. I’m here. I look forward to leading you into the place that God has designated and designed for us.”

To the congregation at Without Walls: I mourn with you. I intercede and pray for you. May God have mercy on your intellects, hearts, and souls.

If Yahweh of Hosts still rolled like he did in the OT then he would have appeared on stage and smiteth the Sheol out of Paula as she ‘preached’ this ‘sermon’.

WARNING: watching the next five minutes will make you more theologically retarded!

I’m going to lay down in the corner and weep for a little while after watching that…

22 Comments leave one →
  1. July 20, 2009 9:23 am

    Father, deliver them! Scott, I think you may have unearthed one of the most ridiculous and jacked-up “sermons” ever heard! Well done!

    Is there a feminine form of dilettante? Perhaps “dilettantess”?

  2. Blingo permalink
    July 20, 2009 10:19 am

    This woman is so wrong. She just tells weak and vulnerable people lies in order to get money from them to fuel her own vain and materialistic lifestyle, which in my opinion, is a far worse crime than any biblical misunderstandings.

  3. steph permalink
    July 20, 2009 10:43 am

    what’s with the sound effects? and jumping around – is she a wannabe punk rocker? failed big time. is she speaking english? she’s spitting out an odd arrangement of assorted english words. Is this speaking in tongues maybe? She’s bad. As bad as Brian Tamaki, self appointed ‘bishop’ of the Destiny Church in New Zealand.

  4. steph permalink
    July 20, 2009 10:51 am

    a woman is a ‘birther’? was paul ‘stretched’ to a ‘birther’ too? I don’t believe this … is she really a woman? Or a monster? I need to get out of the house, immerse myself, swim and be purified …

  5. Blingo permalink
    July 20, 2009 11:31 am

    She’s telling the people what they want to hear: Jesus will help you lift yourself from poverty, abuse [insert problem here]. Unfortunately or not, we live in the real world and the only person that can do that is you.

    These people, by allowing themselves to believe in her preaching and asking Jesus for help are simply absolving responsibility for their actions. This will not solve their problems.

    What it does do is to give these people false hope, which causes them to donate to the church. Therefore, what Paula is preaching is anything but a joke. More a twisted way to extract money from the masses. Are her methods calculated or is she as deluded as her flock? I reckon she believes all her own hype in order to free her conscience from her heinous actions.

    I also find it mildly offensive that the author of this blog aims criticism mainly at her lack of biblical understanding. Too much time under a study light lately? What about the people that are being taken advantage of? Does the bible not preach to be like Jesus? Did Jesus not turn the tables in the synagogue because it had turned into a den of thieves? He certainly didn’t consider it a laughing matter.

  6. July 20, 2009 11:55 am

    oh for the love of all that is holy….. make it stop dude. my ears are bleeding.

  7. Blingo permalink
    July 20, 2009 11:58 am

    Religion is a mess in America, I hope this kind of thing never reaches my shores. The moderate church must be failing if people are being attracted by this garbage.

  8. Blingo permalink
    July 20, 2009 12:46 pm

    This reflects my feelings better:

    Sorry, it’s just that I find it hard to laugh at this bull. I suppose what you meant is that if these ‘preachers’ had a genuine understanding of the bible then it would reflect in the rest of their life attitude. Watching Paula preaching made me quite angry, think I’ve calmed down now! 🙂

  9. July 20, 2009 5:33 pm

    Hoooooolllllyyyyyy ccrrrrrrraaaaaapppppp. Scott, bro, I only made it 57 seconds into the second one. I tried, I just couldn’t do it.

    *Vomits all over keyboard. Then collapses in said vomit.*

  10. Michael B permalink
    July 20, 2009 5:47 pm

    It wasn’t as though what she was saying was wrong as much as she wasn’t saying anything at all. I mean, I could discern words, and I think that they were in sentences. But beyond that, it was like there was no causal connection from one sentence to the next. All rhythm and cadence, but no actual thoughts.

  11. carl sweatman permalink
    July 20, 2009 11:50 pm

    What I found a bit humourous: during one of the pans of the audience, there was someone who starting to write something down! (I’m honestly hoping that it was a grocery list and not something they thought was insightful).

  12. July 21, 2009 1:01 am

    The “hallway of nowhere”!!! wiked!!

    Is that like the room before you climb the Stariway to Heaven?

  13. Blingo permalink
    July 21, 2009 1:18 am

    You guys are all idiots.

  14. July 21, 2009 2:27 am

    Blingo, solid response.

    The old “you’re a dick” playground argument wins everytime.

  15. Blingo permalink
    July 21, 2009 2:50 am

    Ambiguous response Phil. I suppose the biggest dick of all here is Paula!

  16. Blingo permalink
    July 21, 2009 3:17 am

    Although, saying that, the woman did produce some quality videos. Check this out:

  17. July 22, 2009 9:10 am

    Scott, I don’t know how you lasted 5 minutes. I feel like stuck in the hallway of nowhere as my brain leaks out my ears from the pain. That’s some preaching. (If you call repetition of nonsense preaching…)

  18. Fr Craig permalink
    July 23, 2009 6:40 am

    would it even be possible to outline what she said? how can people listen to that crap?

  19. tara permalink
    July 29, 2009 7:24 am

    leave pastor paula alone i understood everything she was saying all of you just need to go back to praying for her and God plan for her life and ministry and walk in love. Jesus never went around destroying people but saving healing and restoring people

    • steph permalink
      July 29, 2009 7:56 am

      You are blessed with very good skills of interpretation. Nobody is ‘destroying’ Paula. And remember Jesus went around telling quite a few people off for misrepresenting the will of God and misinterpreting Torah.

    • July 29, 2009 8:17 am

      I am not “destroying” Paula. I would be quite surprised if I was able to do so here on this site.

      I am following your version of Jesus.

      I’m saving them from a false gospel. Healing their minds from the doctrine of greed and demons. And restoring them to a Christian understanding of the Bible and life.

      God’s plan for her life, eh? Hmmm… her god is Mammon and his plan for her life is to be RICH y’all! Of course, you have to give her money… lots of money… but that’s beside the point.

  20. Jim permalink
    October 18, 2009 6:27 am

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLMAO

    What a joke. Can’t people see through her. It is sooooooooo obvious she hasn’t a clue of life and is living in Paula White Fantasy Land. Who taught her this anyway?

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