CMMI: Science Bible Lesson vs Morningstar Madness
The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson
Are you mad at your children? Are traditional forms of punishment not punitive enough to alter their behavior? Then let me introduce you to the worst children’s program ever filmed and set loose upon humanity: The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson.
Now, we could probably deconstruct this thing all day. From the “theology”, to the music, to the puppeteer (visible at times), or the production value; however, watching it was probably more than you could stand already so I’ll keep it brief.
How about Chip The Black Boy? “My ex-wife left me for another man and he has her on crack cocaine, and it really hurts.” So the young lad in this kids program has an ex-wife? Really… wow. The child, the young boy, has an ex, and she’s on crack? I’ll tell you who’s on crack: the dude that wrote this thing.
Right around the panda song is when kids will start weeping and pleading for the television to be turned off. Don’t cave in. Discipline calls for a consistent hand. Make them listen to the whole song, and then inform them that if they ever do said action again that you are punishing them for, you will make them watch the video twice. Your child will never, ever misbehave in that fashion again. You win.
The Panda has one-eye, comes to life, and then dies at the end of his song… which is appropriate because I died a little inside while watching.
Just in case you think the writer and producer had an “off day” with the above episode here’s another little tune by Chip the Black Boy that start’s off “They’re always bitchin’ and complaining about me.” Perhaps, not the most child friendly song I’ve ever heard. How about just one sentence where Chip’s mouth moves in time with the words? No? OK.
Off course, there’s some dude in an alien mask accompanying Chip; otherwise, it wouldn’t make sense.
The BBC gives us a little background on this abomination:
The religious world is a strange place…
I know it might be hard to imagine, but these are the same nut jobs responsible for another entry in this contest: The Holy Ghost Holy Pokey (HGHP). Now the HGHP is sad, frustrating, incredibly stupid, and on and on with as many negative adjectives from the english language as possible. But what’s weird about this video is not only is it insane, but my guess is that it would scare the daylights out of many Christians, and they would wonder about demon possession.
This is yet another example of modern people acting like pre-critical ancient barbarians. They tried the HGHP magic song and that didn’t work, so now move onto chanting and wailing to drums, and maybe the force, God, gods, devils, evil, whatever will work in your favor. I kid you not, I half-expected someone to run onto the stage and sacrifice a goat about half-way through the video.
At this point there is only one question, and only one way it can be phrased: WTF is going on at that church? I mean, cuz damn… this is some messed up stuff.