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CMMI Quarter-Finals: Crazy Julie vs Insane Jessa

March 23, 2010

One of the great things about Scotteriology is that there is absolutely no gender bias here… if you are crazy and you’re a woman, you’ll still have as much opportunity as the men to be accounted for! Case in point: today’s quarter-final match.

When Crazy Meets Piano “Prophetess” Julie Meyer

In the first round Crazy Julie laid the smack down on the Breakfast Song garnering 74 % of the vote… not bad.

I’ll let Jake and Davo describe this travesty from the original post:

You know how a lot of CCM is, or at least has been, based on creating “equivalent” artists that parallel mainstream artists? Who thought it’d be a good idea to parallel Bjork??? I mean, come on… Also, how conveniently ironic that she should give a “prophecy” that involves a massive expansion of media (media, media, media), requiring inspired worshipers donate large sums of money… especially considering she works at an acting school. I mean… what are the chances?

If there was somehow a machine that could quantify bullshit and badness then this video would break it:

Jessa Bentley

Jessa won her first round over K & K Mime with 66 % of the vote… not bad.

Mimin’ ain’t easy… and crazy, irrelevant, insane miming is even harder; however, Jessa was able to overcome with her “pro-phecy” on the amateur mimes.

Once upon a time in the dark depths of Hades, Beelzebub cleaned out his snot stained nostrils and flicked the contents on the earth. Lo, Fresh Fire Ministries USA was born. (HT: Chris)

If you are a new visitor to Scotteriology enter “Todd Bentley” in to the search function. You will be introduced to one of the biggest douche-bags to ever walk the earth. Skilled at what he does… but a douche-bag nonetheless (really, there is no other word for him). Basically, he runs an old school scam that works very well on Christians: convince them that God is holding something back on them, and they can only get it from God through you. I kid you not, he even had people believing that there was a special portal open from heaven to Lakeland, Florida and they had to go there to get the ‘anointing’ or healing.

We all know this to be false. God does not need to open a special portal because he created Canada, and those of us blessed and lucky enough to live in heaven on earth don’t have to go anywhere else!

Anyways, Bentley had his scam all set up, and marks were flocking to him. How good of a scam is that? They came to him. It was perfect, then his Beefy McManstick started doing his thinking for him, and ‘allegedly’ he started doing some ‘tongues’ and ‘laying on of hands’ with the douche-bagess in this video. Meet Jessa. Todd is trying to introduce and incorporate her into his new ministry. It is almost impossible to quantify the douche-bagess levels and stupidity in her “prophecy”.

I’ve seen some pastors mess up some pretty good situations for women that were… um, less than desirable, but I can’t imagine that any pastor, anywhere, ever screwed up his situation worse than Todd for someone as crazy as Jessa. Can you imagine their breakfast table? Boggles the mind.

Oh yeah: Todd, if we ever run into each other, say in an airport, restaurant, or mall, we are going to have a fight. I will inform you of this, give you a chance to prepare yourself, and then it’s on. Just so you know.

My interpretation? The elephant represents Todd; no one wants him in the room, and Oral Roberts is dead which means that Todd will die soon. Ok, that might be over the line, but the madness is contagious!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. atimetorend permalink
    March 23, 2010 11:53 am

    I think either of these ladies could have gone on to the final match up if they hadn’t had the misfortune of colliding in the semi-final round.

  2. Benjamin Bentley permalink
    March 24, 2010 5:41 am

    Agreed. But them’s the breakets.

    As of now it’s a dead heat, with Jessa trailing by a single vote. I had to go with Julie – her bullshit comes with grandiose aspirations and so much more forethought and calculation.

  3. March 24, 2010 8:09 am

    Gotta go with Julie, for lots of reasons. The most important of which is that I’ve been in services just like this. I grew up in a Pentecostal church, which hosted a more minor league version of her … This one hits close to home, and it gets my vote.

  4. March 27, 2010 12:03 pm

    Crazy Julie, because she’s half Patti Smith, half Laurie Anderson, and three-quarters crazy.

  5. March 31, 2010 10:00 am

    here is a comment from a friend in the movement – let me know what you think of his response to the jessa video:

    once again, I think they missed the point of the dream. which was that we are walk by faith and not by sight, which I perfectly got.

    And Oral Roberts was present in the dream because he is an icon of that faith walk, and I have read both sides of the Roberts argument. Embracing a critique of these flawed humans without seeing the good they did for the kingdom is dangerous, and for someone desiring to flow in the miraculous and walk in love, that blog and this video vastly fail to walk in love. anyway, those are my thoughts.”

    what say you?

    • Michael B permalink
      March 31, 2010 5:30 pm

      So, at no point is the dream’s legitimacy even questioned? Does the thought, “That just sounds silly,” never occur?

  6. Jon H permalink
    April 25, 2010 3:02 am

    “there was a special portal open from heaven to Lakeland, Florida”

    Why does this bring to mind Marvel Comics’ Man-Thing and the “Nexus of All Realities”, in a swamp in Florida?

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