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CMMI Championship: New Mystics vs Cancer Pastor

April 7, 2010

Cinderella vs The Juggernaut… The Finals: It’s here!

I believe there were a few regulars that predicted this final, and thank God it’s here because I don’t think my soul could take much more insanity, but there was so much stiff competition there was no guarantee that either would make it. However, here we are: the worst of the worst. The absolute bottom of the barrel. Even The Hokey Pokey dudes can point and say, “At least I’m not those guys!”

We shall keep the introductions brief. Their reputations precede them. If you need a tale of the tape, past contests will give you all of the relevant info you need. Unfortunately, the regulars are probably a little too familiar with these guys already for their own sanity and serenity. One more vote, and then we might need some good, clinical biblical studies for awhile to give our souls and psyches a rest.

In this corner…

The New Mystics

The New Mystics have been on fire and are the Cinderella story of this tournament with three monumental upsets.

Round one: vs Rappin’ Pastor

Quarter-finals: vs Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey

Semi-Finals: vs Crazy Julie

Perhaps if I had seen this video and realized they had a professional wrestling background I would have ranked them higher (with “higher” standing as a double entendre!).

Wow. A staggering combination from the New Mystics with power shot after power shot. Cancer Pastor better strap on his oxygen tank and make one heck of a comeback… cue the Rocky music.

Cancer Pastor

Round One: vs Morningstar Madness

Quarter-Finals: vs Creepiest Worship Ever

Semi-Finals: vs Christian Side-Hug

What more about The Goog can be said here that has not already been said? The sheer psychological trauma and insanity of his preying on the emotionalism of his audience is near impossible to quantify. Add in those who defend him, and we take a trip towards crazy-land that I never want to take again!

I’ve seen The Goog in action for awhile now, and no matter how many times I see him “perform” with his oxygen tube I am shocked and stupified. I just can’t imagine the balls and guile it would take to get up on stage, emotionally charge a reading from Isaiah, and sing that song while hooked up to an oxygen tube. Stunning!

Then to blame it all on porn… I just. Wow.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. April 7, 2010 5:29 am

    The more I think about it, the more I think that it’s a very strong possibility that Cancer Pastor is a bona fide Sociopath.

  2. Michael B permalink
    April 7, 2010 7:09 am

    What’s up with the random babbling in the Crowder videos? Shing bling bling! Oy oy oy oy oy…

    • April 7, 2010 1:41 pm

      That my friend is a mockery of tongues.

  3. Benjamin Bentley permalink
    April 7, 2010 11:31 am

    As soon as the Mystics beat Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey, their path to well-deserved victory was assured.

  4. April 8, 2010 12:23 pm

    The New Mystics : I am speechless. I need to find some illegal narcotics to blot out the brain melting idiocy 😛

  5. Bob Staghorn permalink
    April 8, 2010 3:15 pm

    Yes, the new mystics are nuts, but at least they are obviously and transparently crazy in a ridiculously juvenile and pathetic kind of way.

    Goog is much more skilled at lying, manipulating, passing the blame and generally wreaking havoc with gullible Christians. My vote goes with the Goog.

    • Pete permalink
      April 8, 2010 3:45 pm

      Un-unfortunately the New Mystics still have an active ministry…I’ll say it again, New Mystics FTW!

  6. April 9, 2010 1:41 pm

    It looks like the NMs have this in the dimebag.

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