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The “Hammer” of the Gods: A Trait of Deity

June 10, 2010

Last year I introduced some of you to the Watchers and their organs like horses that they liked to flaunt around after they taught human women how to use makeup and adorn themselves with gold.

Well, apparently in ancient times, the Watchers ain’t nothing!

Meet Priapus:

In Greek mythology, Priapus was a fertility god, protector of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia. (Roman equivalent: Mutinus Mutunus) He was a son of Dionysus and Aphrodite. Sculptures of Priapus with large, ithyphallic genitalia were placed on gardens and fields to guarantee an abundant crop. He was much more popular in Roman mythology than in Greek.

He tried to rape Lotis, and she was changed into a lotus plant to protect her. In Ovid’s Fasti, an imbibed Lotis is tempted by the aroused Priapus, at which time one of Silenus’s donkeys (he was hosting the feast) with “raucous braying” revealed Priapus’ intentions and the entire party had a good laugh at his expense. To repay the donkey for the embarrassment, the annual feast (sometime during May) of Priapus is begun by the sacrifice of a donkey to the diminutive and ironic garden-god.

The medical condition priapism gets its name from Priapus.

HT: Teacher’s Paradise

You would think that Priapus is likely the most well endowed god. You’d be wrong. Check out Mercury (Hermes)

OK. That’s just ridiculous. When you have to tie a vine on Mr. Longrod Von Hugenstein so you can walk around perhaps, just perhaps, we may have taken things a bit far! And how the Sheol is he supposed to fly around with that thing? Any turbulence and he would knock himself unconscious.

And you think we’d be done right? Surely, no deity can be packing heavier artillery than Mercury? Surely?

And along comes El:

El’s penis extends like the sea
Indeed, El’s penis like the flood
El’s penis extends like the sea
Indeed, El’s penis, like the flood

CAT 1.23.33-35

And El said, “Supersize me!” and he won the junk-off…

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Jon H permalink
    June 10, 2010 6:32 pm

    I like how Priapus is weighing his unit in a scale. Too bad the other side of the scale is obscured/lost.

    Presumably it weighs as much as a duck.

  2. June 10, 2010 11:25 pm

    bahahahahahhahahaha!

  3. WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
    June 11, 2010 12:52 am

    At the other end of the scale (pun not intended but people are going to read it that way anyway), I lent a friend some writings by Jeffrey Burton Russell and he noticed throughout the books that paintings of the devil almost invariably portray him as having “tinky junk”. It’s there, but you don’t notice it unless you’re considering the peculiar pattern. If in Greco-Roman lore there is a god with giant junk in Christian painting of the devil his junk is usually tiny.

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  1. Ancient Near Eastern Gods and Their Penises « Tolle Lege!

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