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Earth-Shattering Exegesis: The First Seal Has Been Broken!

July 26, 2010

Today I must report to you that we are living in the last days. A most serious and grave matter has been brought to my attention, and surely the only conclusion that can be reached considering it in the light of good biblical exegesis is that the first seal has been broken, and Armageddon is but around the corner.

Benny Hinn has been romantically linked to Paula White.

It took me a few hours to get over the shock of that when I first read it. I mean, anyone romantically linked to Benny, and I’m going to be taken back a bit.  I’m not trying to be shallow, but let’s be honest here:

The jowl, the hair, the suit, and the weird way of talking about his horrendous theology. I’m assuming there’s not a mess of women who are hot and bothered by 57 year old Benedictus.

But apparently one woman might be. And perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised because with all of the posts, videos, and sermon snippets posted here of hers in the last few years we all know one thing about her with certainty: she is messed up big time! But hey, let’s be honest again, the lady ain’t hard on the eyes.

So, on the one hand, on the human level it seems very strange that Benny and Paula are romantically linked (and good Lord in heaven let’s not even get into the physicality of that because it would be like a hundred times worse than walking in on your parents to put an image of Benny in your head doing anything sexual), but on the biblical level, this union is not only strange it is unholy. In fact it is the first seal of Revelation and proof we are living in the last days.

Revelation 6:2 reads, “καὶ εἶδον, καὶ ἰδοὺ ἵππος λευκός, καὶ ὁ καθήμενος ἐπʼ αὐτὸν ἔχων τόξον καὶ ἐδόθη αὐτῷ στέφανος καὶ ἐξῆλθεν νικῶν καὶ ἵνα νικήσῃ.”

“And I looked, and behold, a white hippos, and he who sat on her, had a bow, and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer.” Now, this verse might seem strange, until you consider the context of the author writing in the first-century and looking down the hallways of time to this most evil and unholy union.

First, how do you describe Paula White? A) she talks like this:

B) She has had more Botox injections than Joan Collins

Paula Happy:

Paula Angry:

Paula Sad:

Paula Tired:

How the Sheol would you describe her if you were John? ἵππος seems a fair enough attempt from his vantage point I would say, but surely we must stand back and be amazed that he named her by her surname! The first part of the vision explicitly names Paula White with the Greek equivalent λευκός.

Benny is not stated so clearly but stick with me here and when I am done unpacking the rest of the verse you will never be able to think of it in any other way. In fact, the future of Revelation studies may forever be altered.

Verse 2 continues after identifying White, “and he who sat on her, had a bow, and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer.” I’m going to leave the first part of that verse alone about Benny “sitting” on Paula; it’s fairly self-explanatory. But the real question is why would John describe Benny as having a crown. One again I think we have the problem of a first-century visionary struggling to come up with the proper words in his own context to describe what he was seeing in the future.

What would you call that? Yes, horrendous does come to mind, but, once again, στέφανος seems a fair enough attempt by the prophet.

Moving on.

The final part of the verse is the real clincher. It reads, “καὶ ἐξῆλθεν νικῶν καὶ ἵνα νικήσῃ,” “And he went conquering and to conquer.” The English “conquer” comes from the Greek νικάω (nikao) and usually means to be victorious, prevail but elsewhere in Revelation it is used to describe the adversaries of Christ’s kingdom as temporarily victorious (Rev. 11:7; 13:7).

Surely, there has never been a better description of Benny Hinn and his ministry than “Adversary of Christ’s kingdom who is temporarily victorious.”

Benny "Conquering"

So there you have it: clear, undeniable proof that the illicit union between Paula White and Benny Hinn is the first seal, and that obviously we are living in the last times.

Kiss your wife and children and tell them you love them. It’s only going to get worse…

HT: Stephen for sending me the story

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More Scotteriology on Benny Hinn and Paula White

7 Comments leave one →
  1. July 26, 2010 12:00 pm

    I’m just wondering if I should give that huge amount of seed money to Scotteriology still?

    • July 26, 2010 12:08 pm

      Only if you were hoping to be blessed in this life beyond your wildest imaginations, and want to go to heaven when you die!

  2. July 27, 2010 6:16 am

    Heh, I’m wondering if Jake has burnt all of his Paula White workout videos yet.

    …you know, now that he’s had time to realize who she was thinking about when she did those hip thrusts…

    >:)

  3. WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
    July 27, 2010 2:50 pm

    nice homage to Gary Larson’s “The Moods of the Irish Setter”.

  4. thomas permalink
    September 1, 2011 12:39 am

    i wonder if he’ll say “fire” at any point in the consummation?

  5. Dr. Jonathan D. Waters permalink
    January 7, 2013 11:31 am

    I thought that the first seal in the Book of Revelation was the antichrist rise to power.

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