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How The Prosperity Gospel Should Work

August 3, 2010

If Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, Paula White, Creflo Dollar, or any prosperity gospel preacher actually believed any of the principals they “preach” and promise to their followers their ministries would function the exact opposite of how they are currently run.

It doesn’t matter what Prosperity Pimp you select, if you watch their show, go to their meeting or website there will always be a section or time to “partner with them” and to “seed into their ministry.” The benefits of doing this are supposedly two-fold: one, you will help spread the message of the gospel, and two, you will receive your own reward. At all times they will assure you: it’s a biblical principal (which means a cause and effect formula that will work every time). If you give to them, you will be blessed.

Can you imagine if any of the prosperity dealers actually believed what they were selling? If they did, then their “covenant partner” offers would look a lot more like this:

Dear Covenant Partner,

I have been telling you, proclaiming, and preaching that God rewards abundantly those who seed into his kingdom. When we plant a financial seed in faith God is good and able, and more than powerful enough to cause that seed to grow. Our Father in heaven will reward those who seed  ten-fold, fifty-fold, a hundred-fold. Pressed down shaken together! Your cup will overflow.

Because I know this to be the truth I want to ask you to come along side me in ministry and allow my ministry a blessing from God so that the gospel can go out to all of the lands. I want you to be my special covenant partner, and in coming along side me in ministry, I’m asking that you allow me to give you a thousand dollars.

Beloved, I sense in my spirit that we are coming into a real time of blessing where God just wants to pour His spirit out on the faithful, and wants to abundantly bless those who are His. I believe that if you allow me to give you a thousand dollars when I start to receive my reward from our heavenly father there will come a time where my cup overflows to such an extent I will have to start sending out ten thousand and one-hundred thousand dollar checks to those who covenanted with me and allowed me to plant this seed.

Please write or call the toll free number today. Don’t wait! Please allow me to send you a thousand dollars, which surely will be useful during these tough economic times, but more importantly, allows me to seed into the kingdom and grow our ministry exponentially as we take the good news of the Bible to all corners of the earth.

Blessings,

Insert name of generic prosperity pimp here

How long do you think any of the pimps could maintain their extravagant lifestyles that they use as “proof” of their scam and God’s blessing if they attempted to apply their own formula to themselves?

That’s right, the correct answer: not very long.

Don’t worry about seeing them attempt this though. In reality, they really don’t believe what they’re selling either.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 3, 2010 8:44 am

    Nicely done.

  2. August 3, 2010 10:33 am

    You go, Scott!

  3. August 3, 2010 11:27 am

    One of the side effects of coming through the Pentecostal world amidst a lot of such prosperity messages is that I am really shy to talk about money with my parishoners. I feel that I’ve swung too far the other way. Not that I’m about to tell them that their giving is seeding into a ministry – but the reality is that whenever I have let my congregation know of a need they respond with generosity, yet I let the needs of my own self and family not get on the radar screen which actually causes strife in my home. I’ve been trying to work through this for years. I feel a sick reaction to the discussion of money in church contexts simply because of how horribly the subject has been treated. I am also aware that many of my congregants have had bad experiences with churches and church culture. It’s a real problem. I suspect I’m not the only one either. There has to be a balance in there somewhere.

  4. August 3, 2010 1:58 pm

    Thanks, Scott.

    Ever since your “First Seal” post last week, any time someone mentions “prosperity gospel,” I’m stuck with a mental image of Benny Hinn “seeding into” Paula White’s… “ministry.” It hurts!… the two-backed beast has a wrinkly brown ass on one end, and an unchanging expression on the other!

    Someone please, make the bad man stop!

  5. Jason permalink
    August 3, 2010 2:28 pm

    I grew up in the Word-Faith movement, grew up listening to Copeland et al. My parents were poor money managers to begin with and this put a whole new level of pressure and stress into a family. It’s one thing for a father to borrow money from his boss to cover until the next payday, it’s another thing to do that AND be giving large amounts to the church and agonize over why the promises aren’t coming true.. maybe they’re not giving enough, maybe there’s sin, maybe not enough prayer.. always new excuses about what’s wrong with them that stops the blessings from pouring out.

    And then even as an adult I STILL kind of believed it.. not so much with my actions but I still talked it, and even taught it to congregations when the pastor let me teach.

    Only now in my late 30’s do I see.. and finally my parents see to and have left that.. cult is the only word.

    These guys do real harm to real people, it’s sad.

  6. August 4, 2010 11:23 am

    I’ve brought up this same question before, but nobody who supports prosperity gospel teachings/ers ever has an answer. And of course it isn’t limited to them, but is at the very heart of all “tithing” sermons: give to get (which, being interpreted, means “invest”). Or the fear-based approach: give to stave off curses.

  7. M. Darrell permalink
    August 4, 2010 1:13 pm

    My husband (now deceased) made his living by traveling in sales. He was also an evangelist. When he came to a new town he would seek out churches and pastors of our denominational persuasion. The pastor often invited him to preach for them, which he did. Mostly he went to the smaller churches which he enjoyed doing since he was not dependent upon offerings to support us.
    One time he went to one of these small churches. He noted that the people appeared to be limited financially. The pastor, however, drove a new cadillac. When they went out to eat afterward, the pastor ordered steak, but the people ordered hamburgers.
    Before the midweek service, my husband went to the bank and changed some larger bills for five dollar bills. During the offering time that night, he stopped the pastor from taking an offering. Instead, he invited the people to line up at the front. Then he gave each one of them a five dollar bill!!

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  1. How the Prosperity Gospel Should Work | Dr. Platypus

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