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It’s Official: Worst Song Ever has Been Discovered

October 6, 2010

For a couple of years now I have posted several videos in search of the worst worship, Christian, or praise song. There have been a variety of contestants, who for different reasons were elected in this competition. However, the contest is over.

With a stunning Pièce de résistance, William Tapley, aka the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, aka the Co-Prophet of the End Times, debuts a new song called Doom & Gloom.

It would be hard to choose my favorite part of the badness. The way he writes himself in as an important player on the world stage. The way he gets all didactic in the middle suggesting the storage of needed items. Maybe, when he sings to think of Mary and her baby in one couplet, and then in the next pleads people not to watch pornography. Or possibly, the way he has to truncate words to fit his ‘rhyme’ scheme.

The theology is quite literally insane; the music is awful, the lyrics are terrible and infantile.

It is the worst song ever written (for now!).

(via)

Doom and Gloom

Doom and gloom
Coming soon
Listen to Third Eagle’s tune

Doom and gloom
God is telling us
The end is coming soon
Very soon
You’ll see signs up in the sun
And stars and moon

Doom and gloom, very soon
Rapture comes at night or noon
Doom and gloom, very soon
If you’re ready you will meet
The Bride and Groom

Don’t be dumb
Rapture comes
Long before the seventh trump
Don’t be dumb
It will be as in the days
Of Noah’s flood
Rapture comes
Lot and Noah did not have to
Shed their blood

Don’t be dumb, rapture comes
Trim your wick or face the gun
Don’t be dumb, rapture comes
Fill your lamps
There won’t be oil for everyone

Seven years
Tears and fears
Tribulation will appear
Seven years
Jesus said that it would be
The very worst
Tears and fears
You will think our lovely planet
Has been cursed

Seven years, tears and fears
Catholic church will be a ghost
Seven years, tears and fears
Britian, Russia, and the U.S.
Will be toast

World War 3
Don’t blame me
Listen to Third Eagle’s plea
World War 3
That’s the New World Order plan
For what it’s worth
Don’t blame me
‘cause Obama will provoke
the king of North

World War 3, don’t blame me
You’ll have no ‘lectricity
World War 3, don’t blame me
Store some water, food and fuel
Immediately

Antichrist
He’s not nice
Take Third Eagle’s good advice
Antichrist
He will try to say that Jesus
Is not Lord
He’s not nice
He’ll behead you if you
Follow Jesus’ word

Antichrist, he’s not nice
Take his mark, you’ll pay the price
Antichrist, he’s not nice
He will take away
God’s holy sacrifice

Please don’t dread
Armaged’
Have no fear Third Eagle said
Please don’t dread
Jesus said that He will stop
The death and pain
Armaged’
Only New World Order scum
Will fell the flame
Please don’t dread, Armaged’
Antichrist is such a liar
Please don’t dread, Armaged’
If you take his mark
You’ll join him in the fire

You can win
Just don’t sin
State of grace you must stay in
You can win
If you never do
The filthy sins of flesh
Just don’t sin
Think of Mary and her baby
In the crèche

You can win, just don’t sin
Please don’t watch pornography
You can win, just don’t sin
Onan’s sin is what will make
Your God angry

You can win
Just don’t sin
At Millenium
God’s peace
Will come again

29 Comments leave one →
  1. Josh Mueller permalink
    October 6, 2010 11:25 am

    Doom and gloom to such a happy tune! Wow, that almost rhymed. He must be rubbing off on me.

    You’re right Obama as the leopard king was a lot catchier, so this one beats it hands down for last place.

    • October 6, 2010 11:27 am

      You’re right Josh, this thing needs to be done to some death metal… or maybe auto-tuned. I wish I had the ability, but then I would get nothing productive done today!

  2. October 6, 2010 11:40 am

    excellent tune. I love the cut into the second verse.. or whatever it was. well, whatever it was, i loved it.

  3. October 6, 2010 12:56 pm

    When did masturbation become the Greatest Sin of All?? First Christine O’Donnell and now this guy! Seriously, what happened? You almost never heard it mentioned and now suddenly everybody damns wankers!

    • Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
      October 7, 2010 1:44 pm

      When did masturbation become the Greatest Sin of All??

      Probably because it’s SEXUAL.

      • October 8, 2010 1:11 am

        There is of course the teensy matter of “Onan’s sin” having nothing to do with masturbation. Then again expecting a guy like William Tapley to have actually read the Bible before drawing conclusions would be asking waaay too much!

        • Eric Hinkle permalink
          October 8, 2010 10:54 am

          Sorry for this, but I can’t resist:

          “Onan! What is best in life?”

          “Fap-fap-fap…”

          More seriously, just what WAS Onan’s actual sin? I thought it had something to do with him refusing to have sex with a relative’s wife so the family line wouldn’t die out?

          • October 8, 2010 11:00 am

            Onan’s actual sin was not impregnating his dead brother’s wife. He knocked boots with her, but when it was climax time he ‘spilled his seed’ not in his sister in law.

            • Eric Hinkle permalink
              October 8, 2010 4:30 pm

              I /thought/ it was something like that. Thanks for straightening it out.

              • October 8, 2010 6:26 pm

                in the interest of a ridiculous reply just before Jim West’s awesome death fap reply. I offer simply this.

  4. October 6, 2010 1:12 pm

    yes- fatal beatings should be brought back. there are a lot of people who need one. a fatal beating that is.

  5. October 6, 2010 2:08 pm

    Jim is that anyway to talk about masturbation?

    My ten year old’s comment was, “that guy doesn’t know anything about God.” To which I have to give a hearty amen.

    I find myself making up verses in my head, but they start with WTF, WTF was that song all about. WTF, WTF, it makes me want to gouge my ears out.

  6. WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
    October 6, 2010 2:55 pm

    NOt quite following the third eagle stuff. Is this something descended from a Rick Joyner book?

    • Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
      October 7, 2010 10:02 am

      No, I think this guy styles himself as “The Third Eagle”.

      Even though he looks and sounds NOTHING like Gwaihir.

  7. October 7, 2010 8:12 am

    Is this what we all end up doing in retirement?

    • Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
      October 7, 2010 10:01 am

      Don’t know about you, but I’m trying to start a second career as a science-fiction writer. Got about ten years until retirement age to establish it as a retirement income.

  8. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    October 7, 2010 9:58 am

    It’s Prophesied,
    It’s Prophesied,
    This dude’s brain’s completely fried…

  9. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    October 7, 2010 10:00 am

    You can win, just don’t sin
    Please don’t watch pornography
    You can win, just don’t sin
    Onan’s sin is what will make
    Your God angry…

    Well, this guy DOES have another video on YouTube entitled (from memory) “Those Who Masturbate Will Not Be Raptured”…

    • Eric Hinkle permalink
      October 7, 2010 2:35 pm

      As the first Wise Man (Moe Howard) would put it, “Some people oughta get a Rapture in the kisser!” Yeeegh…

  10. October 7, 2010 11:48 am

    Two thoughts:

    1) The tune is quite the earworm.

    2) I say with absolute shame and trembling that I have actually heard far, far worse.

    And the traumatic memories of certain singers I have heard are making me crawl into the corner and assume a fetal position.

  11. October 7, 2010 11:50 am

    It’s pretty clear to me that this guy got his eschatology not from the Bible per se, but from the much more relevant and accurate Left Behind series.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
      October 7, 2010 1:45 pm

      Somebody pass this guy’s addy & YouTube videos over to Slacktivist…

  12. Blingo permalink
    October 8, 2010 2:51 pm

    oh my goodness…

    He’s got a sort of a smirk, surely this couldn’t be for real?

  13. Alexander permalink
    October 11, 2010 6:43 am

    YouTube tells me: Video not available in your country.
    Moments like this make me happy to live in Germany …

  14. February 19, 2011 3:32 am

    Oh my, I’ve had this song stuck in my head for a while now, ever since hearing it on a Christian radio show. I can’t help but humming it.

    What theology, too – “You can win, just don’t sin, state of grace you must stay in.” Apparently this guy doesn’t sin and thus earns his grace.

  15. December 18, 2011 4:32 am

    Hi there, I found your blog by the use of Google while looking for a similar subject, your web site got here up, it seems great. I have bookmarked to favourites|added to bookmarks.

  16. JGMachen permalink
    March 19, 2014 11:28 am

    You need to lighten up. This is hilarious. There’s definitely a genius to it.

Trackbacks

  1. Doom and Gloom | Unreasonable Faith
  2. Soundtrack to Armageddon « Strange Days

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