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God is a Steelers Fan!

November 30, 2010

This past Sunday Stevie Johnson had a wonderful opportunity to win a game for the Buffalo Bills in overtime against the Pittsburgh Steelers. He was wide open… and he just dropped the ball.

Last week after catching three touchdowns against the Bengals Johnson tweeted, “Jus Goes To Sho God Is Good N Real! Keep Faith Thru Good N Bad.” So the ‘proof’ that God is good and real is an NFL athlete catching three touchdowns in a game.

But here comes the irony…

Upon crumbling under the pressure and missing his wide open catch SJ wrote on his Twitter page:

Let’s get one thing out of the way: Johnson is being consistent in his ‘faith’. When he catches the ball and does well it’s because of God, and when he doesn’t catch the ball and do well it’s because of God. Pass the buck much?

Anyways, Stevie does ask an important question, and you can tell it’s important because it’s in all caps, “YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!!”

Well Stevie, I think the lesson from this is fairly simple: God is a Steelers fan. I mean really, the evidence is overwhelming. How else do you explain Big Ben being rewarded with a last second play against the Arizona Cardinals to win the Superbowl two years ago when super-Christian Kurt Warner was playing quarterback for the Cards? Clearly if God was going to reward any figure on the field it would have to be Warner, but the only logical conclusion is that God is arbitrarily a Steelers fan, and even though Big Ben is a little rough around the edges (OK a lot rough) God went with ‘His Team’ and rewarded them with the Superbowl.

I mean how else to you explain the refereeing when the Steelers beat the Seahawks for the Superbowl a couple years before that? Again, divine influence is the only logical conclusion.

What other team has a moment so famous, so obviously the result of divine intervention that it is called The Immaculate Reception?

Clearly, God is a Steelers fan…

But there is an unfortunate corollary to God favoring the Steelers. It seems he doesn’t much care for the Bills. One time God even went so far as to take the Bills to the Superbowl four years in a row only to capriciously stomp their hearts and allow the other team to win each and every time. YHWH of Hosts can be a bit of a trickster when it comes to the old pigskin!

Wait a sec! Can God be an NFL fan if they are using pigskin for their primary tool?

Probably not.

So Stevie, maybe when you are a free agent you can try to sign with the Steelers so God will stop knocking balls out of your hands when you are wide open in the endzone… that or you could practice more and maybe take responsibility for your own actions. One or the other. Take your choice.

HT: Robert Cargill

4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 30, 2010 4:10 pm

    As a life-long Cowboys fan, Scott, I can say with absolute sincerity,

    YOU GO TO HELL!! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!

    It’s obvious God is a Dallas fan. Everyone knows it.

    What’s that you say? What about this year? That’s different… We’re being punished for Jerry Jones’ tower of Babel in Arlington and Gov. Rick “Let’s invade Mexico” Perry’s three-peat re-election this year.

  2. Jake permalink
    December 1, 2010 3:18 pm

    God may have been a big Cowboys fan in the 70’s, but based on the trophy cabinets and the huge amount of purely insane last minute winners and logic defying comebacks, I’d say that since 1992, God has unequivocally been a Manchester United fan. One could also argue that God has in fact, been masquerading as the manager since 1991.

    • December 2, 2010 7:59 am

      Jake, it’s spelled A-I-G, not G-O-D.

      But I can understand why that might have confused you…

      • Jake permalink
        December 2, 2010 4:10 pm

        It’s AON now, I’ll thank you very much.

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