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God Hates Democracy

December 18, 2010

Prepare to enter the Thunderdome of mental anguish.

This video was posted at Right Wing Watch, the religious reich who want to “speak out against intolerance because that’s the American way.” The irony in that slogan in comparison to their own rhetoric is almost impossibly rich.

Back in October, Cindy Jacobs of Generals International spoke at a conference in London where she prophesied that God is getting ready to bring a “Davidic governmental anointing” and will start targeting elections in order to remove the unholy from public office:

Of course this is all sorts of whack-a-do, and we could spend lots of time deconstructing the craziness and silliness of the above, but a couple of quick observations.

First, what would a Davidic governmental anointing look like? I mean sometimes when I hear crazy dilettantes start to ramble incoherently like this I have to wonder, “Have these persons ever read the Bible?” I mean face it: one of the last people in the Bible that you would want running your government at any level would be David. Really, look at his own life and leadership; it wasn’t exactly ‘smooth sailing’.

“Hey David, what should we do about this tax proposal?”

“Well, I’m not exactly in charge anymore…”

“What? What happened?”

“Well one of my boys took over the government from me and he’s raping all my bitches up in here; but if I was still in charge I’d say don’t take any money just collect a few hundred foreskins”

“Uh, Ok.”

“Hey how’s the wife? I saw her at the pool the other day.”

“Not cool David. Not cool at all.”

At the moment I can’t think of a worse anointing to have on your government. That anointing would be characterized by split interests, infighting, massive deficits, wars… wait a sec. I just figured it out. The American government has a davidic anointing already! Clearly it is the most logical conclusion and explains what has happened the last several years.

Second, does any one know of a human language in which repeating the syllable “buh” and “bay” ad nauseum is some sort of communication? The only thing I can come up with is she’s speaking baby-talk tongues because obviously her own intelligence has receeded so far, and she has made herself so willfully ignorant that at times her double-digit IQ forgets how to communicate in adult language and she is left rambling incoherently like a baby. The Lord says, “Buh, buh, buh, buh, bay-bay-bay.”

The saddest part? Her baby-talk makes more sense than her English.

20 Comments leave one →
  1. Paul permalink
    December 18, 2010 1:06 pm

    “Come on! Do it Jesus!” Love it. I do want to point out that her tongue is a known language: oompaloompa. I do not understand, however, why she’s wearing a rainbarrel under her smock.

  2. MikeK permalink
    December 18, 2010 1:31 pm

    epic…and I noticed the source was the American Way…that’s great…b/c if the spirit ever dropped in a way that actually promoted the church to love and care for the poor and sick…well, let’s all hope they aren’t looking at Cindy “Somebody speak in tongues” Jacobs…

  3. December 18, 2010 2:02 pm

    Right Wing Watch is a joint project of People For the American Way that monitors dozens of broadcasts, emails, websites, and the activities of Religious and Radical Right political organization. RWW analyzes and distills information that would otherwise circulate widely only within the Right, using our expertise on the radical right to expose risk their agendas and activities present to the country.

  4. Chris E permalink
    December 18, 2010 2:13 pm

    Have you heard the Don Carson presentation where he claims one possible explanation for tongues sounding the way they do (whilst simultaneously not exhibiting the properties of languages) is that they are a form of coded speech.

    • Paul permalink
      December 18, 2010 2:20 pm

      Where can I find this?

      • Chris E permalink
        December 18, 2010 6:36 pm

        Pages 85-87 of his book “Showing the Spirit”. Alternatively, it’s in one of the supporting lectures he did when he was writing the book:

        I think it might be lecture 3 – but it’s been a while since I listened to it, so i’m not sure.

  5. Chris E permalink
    December 18, 2010 2:18 pm

    I suppose she’ll claim accuracy on the basis of the new UK PMs first name being ‘David’.

  6. December 18, 2010 4:58 pm

    Loved the David dialogue, extremely funny.

  7. Paul D. permalink
    December 19, 2010 1:38 am

    Lord, what a nut job that Cindy Jacobs is. My old church used to be devoted to her.

    • EricW permalink
      December 19, 2010 5:21 pm

      I think a church we used to attend still is.

  8. December 19, 2010 8:43 am

    I’ve been noticing theocratic assumptions in less fringe writings recently – the notion I am looking for in these writings is anything that hinders or animates positive engagement with society (what I call citizenship). This video shows another layer of ‘reasons to not be real citizens’. It must be incredibly bifurcated from the rest of the participant’s lives – otherwise it would no longer be profitable for the ilk like Jacobs. It is like a blending of fatalism and kids throwing tantrums until they get their way. Neither has any positive social traction (although I bet they claim the work of others as their own). Both refuse to own complicity in the problem.

    Sometimes seeing an extreme example helps to clarify things a bit.

  9. Jon Hendry permalink
    December 19, 2010 11:00 am

    I’m looking at that and thinking: “Samwise got some new leather armor”.

  10. December 20, 2010 1:18 am

    You need to work on funny.

    Calvinist pickup lines was funny.


  11. December 20, 2010 2:58 am

    If I had a couple of squid for every time I’d heard a preacher announcing the imminent “something” of God (which of course has never happened), I’d be booking holidays in the caymans left, right and centre.

    Now we see why the word “lunatic” was invented

  12. WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
    December 20, 2010 7:04 pm

    This one was a little on the lazy side for someone so familiar with OT literature.

    • December 20, 2010 9:17 pm

      Might have to explain this comment…

      • WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
        December 21, 2010 2:33 am

        Absalom but no Amnon and Tamar? Bathsheba but no Ahithophel? Nothing about letting Joab kill just about whoever he wants to and not doing anything about it? Nothing about taking a census? I just thought you could have done better trolling for reasons why we wouldn’t want a leader like David, that’s all. No disrespect meant since I love reading your blog but this one just feels more like a first draft than a finished joke.

        • December 21, 2010 11:14 am

          I would hate to destroy any faith you might have in me but almost everything I post here is a first draft, in fact, I prefer the term zero draft. I pretty much type a free flow of consciousness make sure there are no squiggly red lines and then hit the publish button. I simply don’t have the time for finished product.

          Though if someone wanted to pay me…

          • WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
            December 21, 2010 5:03 pm

            Fair enough. 🙂

    • Jake permalink
      December 20, 2010 10:51 pm

      Really though, you could apply that comment to most of this blog in its entirety…

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