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How To Screw Up Your Children

January 19, 2011

Take them to a building on Sunday. Insert them into a social situation where they can ‘predict’ things and are the focus of attention. Have them think that normal physical issues such as a sore ankle are really the Devil. Convince them they can ‘cure’ these issues by praying. Add tongues.

I like the part where they cherry-pick Matthew for their theological justification. I suppose James doesn’t count: “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.”

It’s always the same with the Neo-Montanists. I’m ‘prophesying’ what their three probable ‘defenses’ would be for this shenanigan. A) the Lord is doing a new thing B) who are you to question what the Lord is doing (verified by the ‘miracles’ of course) C) Touch not the Lord’s anointed.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    January 20, 2011 10:26 am

    Agathos, you keep referring to these as “Neo-Montanists”. I’m familiar with Montanus primarily as the founder of the first big-time End of the World cult, female groupies and all. To the point that “Montanism” became the name for obsessing on the End of the World. In what other sense are you using the word? In what way are these “Neo-Montanists”?

  2. January 24, 2011 9:38 am

    These parents need to take another look at the WARNING from the Lord in those excerpts from Matthew, for they are leading astray immature people who have no guile and for that they will answer to the Righteous Judge of the universe, from Whom there is no place to hide.

  3. January 24, 2011 2:12 pm

    I dunno about this child-healing bizzo, I’m just glad Manfred threw in all the capitals in all the right places in his comment. phew!

  4. March 16, 2011 9:31 am

    Great stuff ! That’ll shore ’nuff screw up the mind of a child.


    Headless Unicorn Guy, the Montanists were known as, or more likely, called themselves the “New Prophecy” and practiced ecstatic rituals (I would bet that it involved induced hallucination via things like fasting, sleep deprivation, a little too much wine or perhaps a mushroom or two *Snooch to the Booch*) It’s been around for a LONG time. I would imagine that the reference is to that wild and wacky Pentecostal movement, who think they’ve found something new and special from GOD.

    They are an entertaining bunch, fo sho.

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