Skip to content

Special Passover Award For BS (Biblical Stupidity)

April 19, 2011

And the winner is? Drum roll please….

Paula White.

Usually, Paula is doing some serious BS with the calendar and the feast days of ancient Israel. Paula has articulated an immense amount of BS pertaining to the calendar. She really likes the calendar… she loves the calendar. When Paula is around a calendar it gets awkward.

But her calendar has magic powers for your finances!

Paula is the dilettante queen who brought you the Day of Atonement blessing, then promised the First Fruits blessing, and now has moved onto the Passover Blessing.

PASSOVER—GOD’S DIVINE APPOINTMENT WITH YOUIS ONLY DAYS AWAY!

God operates in season and cycles…which are set times

We are approaching the First of God’s three set times, or “appointments”—holy days of the year, that are special to Him—when God commanded you to meet with Him…to honor what He has done for your life! (Exodus 23:14: “Three times a year you shall celebrate a feast to Me.”)

Passover—the first of these “holy appointments” with God, is only days away…this coming Tuesday, April 19th!

When you honor God on Passover (Exodus 12:24: “And you shall observe this [set time] as an ordinance for you and your children forever”), you release the “7 Supernatural Blessings of Passover” as found in Exodus 23:

1.  Assign an angel to you. (vs.20)
2.  Be an enemy to your enemies. (vs. 22)
3. Give you prosperity. (vs. 25)
4. Take sickness away from you. (vs. 25)
5. Give you a long life. (vs. 26)
6. Bring increase and inheritance. (vs. 30)
7. Give a special year of blessing. (bs. 29)

God commands that all of His children observe Passover forever! Even the Apostle Paul said in 1st Corinthians 5: 7 – 8: “… For Christ our Passover also has been sacrificed.  Therefore let us celebrate the feast [set time]… with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.”

That’s right folks: God is magic!

All right. Now I want you all to put on your surprise faces: to unlock the Magic of God’s Passover Blessing you have to perform a ritual or the magic doesn’t work, especially during this very powerful time of the year when the magic is highly susceptible to this ritual… any guesses what the ritual might be?… wait for it… come on, I’m going slow because I don’t want to shock your senses too badly…

You guessed it: You unlock the magic from God by giving money to Paula White. It makes perfect sense!

God concludes this thought on honoring Him on this divine appointment by saying in Exodus 23:15: “…none shall appear before me empty-handed”(NASB). Honor God today!

You CAN Release the 7 Supernatural Blessings of Passover today!

Please join me to honor God with your sacrificial Passover/Easter Offering—and for your best Passover/Easter offering of any size I will send you my brand new 2-CD series, “Built by Blood.” And for your gift of $ 70 or more I want to include the beautiful stainless steel communion set for two in an attractive leather carrying case.

To Give Your Best Passover Offering of $70 or More Unto God Today!

To Give Your Best Passover Offering Unto God Today!

It is at moments such as these that I think vulgarity actually becomes appropriate to adequately describe my disgust at such snake-oil saleswoman shenanigans. I shall resist however and instead bestow a special award in BS to Paula White:

She certainly has plenty of BS to go around!

9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 19, 2011 4:01 pm

    absolutely love it!

  2. April 19, 2011 4:29 pm

    *Applauding* Well deserved award.

  3. April 19, 2011 5:52 pm

    Hey, this worked really well at our church last year!😉

  4. April 19, 2011 7:09 pm

    Extremely well deserved golden turd indeed. Oy gevalt.

  5. Humberto Merida permalink
    April 19, 2011 8:12 pm

    LOL! Love this.

  6. April 20, 2011 6:58 am

    An excellent Poo, for an excellent Paula.
    Well deserved.

  7. April 20, 2011 8:36 am

    Bravo!

  8. April 20, 2011 12:46 pm

    I especially like the picture of *bread* for Passover!

Trackbacks

  1. and the golden turd award for religious exploitation goes to… « XKV8R: The Official Blog of Dr. Robert R. Cargill

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: