Skip to content

Lying For Jesus: How to Raise the Dead

July 8, 2011

Has someone annoyingly died on you? Well, fortunately for you, Randy shares his story of raising people from the dead and gives some pointers on how you can also raise people from the dead.

Yaaaayyyy! Now none of us have to die, we can live forever! Just like all of the people of faith through the centuries that haven’t died! Just like, uh… just like…

Just like… huh, I should be able to name one.

Oh wait a minute… nevermind.

From the video introduction

Have you ever met a crazy Christian, the kind that will calmly and confidently tell you the most insane and ridiculous things as if he were ordering a Big Mac at McDonalds? Meet Randy. He has raised the dead, and does it all the time. It’s easy. You just go up to an old corpse and tell it to get up, and poof, it’ll hop up and start running around. Those crazy Christians, they say some of the craziest things! (Randy’s raising of the dead takes place around 3:40 but you really should listen the whole way through the video to get the full extent of craziness).

Biggest not surprise of the video: it’s in a third world country and completely unverifiable. It’s always in a third world country (unless you are arrogant enough like Todd Bentley and try the schtick over here and get exposed on national TV!).



2 Comments leave one →
  1. Chris E permalink
    July 8, 2011 4:56 pm

    Way back when, I attended church in a locality where most of the churches were in pretty good relationships with each other – so we had guest preachers over, knew what was going on in other churches etc.

    Anyway, one particular charismatic outfit was led by a very charismatic founder who – understandably – was greatly loved by his congregation. When he got ill, prophecies of healing were pronounced which increased in intensity as he got worse and worse.

    Eventually he died – at which point the ratchet effect was such that his congregation were convinced that God would raise him from the dead, and so they carried on round the clock prayers around the body. After two days they got into trouble when the local police found out that they hadn’t reported a death.

  2. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    July 8, 2011 6:32 pm

    Same thing happened with Cyrus “Koresh” Teed around 100 years ago. Cyrus founded a quasi-apocalyptic cult called “Koreshianity” whose core doctrine was the Hollow Earth. Koreshian twist was We Live On The Inside of The Hollow Earth. Their utopian colony (and post-apocalyptic world capital) of Estero, Florida is still there, maintained as a Florida state historic park.

    When Teed died (delayed injuries from an altercation with the local political machine), the Koreshians KNEW he would resurrect, and kept his body around until the local authorities forced the issue.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: