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How To Ensure Your Church Service Sucks

August 10, 2011

Just add interpretive dance. Works every time!

Of course, this is the dynamic duo of evil, the dancers of Mastema, the destroyers of culture, the super-twins of horrendous: Kristy and Misty! AKA E.C.H.O.E.S. of Praise. Which stands for Exalting Crap Hoes… or something like that.

We have seen their assault on all that is good before:

How to Ruin Your Easter Service

Terrorism ALERT: Bin Cheesy and Bin Stupid on the Loose

E.C.H.O.E.S. of Praise: Ruining Music One Song At A Time

E.C.H.O.E.S. of Praise: Evidence That God Might Not Like Us

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Just as an aside–and I get this will make me a ‘bad’ person, Lord forbid anyone say something with qualitative judgmental value–but I can’t stand this sort of crap (And it is crap–I mean can you imagine these two ever entering an actual talent show?).

Very likely, Kristy and Misty have done their horrible performances, and well meaning persons in the church have told them how ‘good’ it was afterwards. This is precisely the wrong type of feedback from what they should be getting. It’s like the girl who hangs out at the club too much who is really a four out of ten, but a bunch of drunk guys try to get in her pants so she thinks she’s super hot.

This is what actual dance groups with real talent look like:

Misty and Kristy do not have talent. They are trying to baptize their performances in religiosity and Christianese to give them legitimacy, but at the end of the day: they’re just bad performers.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. August 10, 2011 9:00 am

    LOL! Wow. I know 5 year olds who can dance with more skill than that. In fact, when 5 year olds do, it’s cute. Not so much when adults do.

  2. Jon H permalink
    August 10, 2011 1:11 pm

    Here’s a 9 year old Chinese girl who rocks:

  3. August 10, 2011 6:11 pm

    Have you seen K&K the gospel mime artists?

  4. August 25, 2011 11:48 am

    I actually have seen worship dance teams that did a good job and the difference between them and the video above are:

    1. They were professionally trained in classical ballet.

    2. The dance was actually interpretive and obviously so.

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