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God’s Backhand: The New Worst Song Ever Written

November 1, 2011

It’s hard to believe that someone could write a song and ‘produce’ a music video that would make the Third Eagle William Tapley look better in comparison, but it seems that is exactly what has happened.

Last year I figured that the Worst Song Ever had been discovered when Tapley released his video for his completely insane Doom and Gloom.

It appears we have a new champion (for now!).

Richard Hackley – God’s Backhand:

God’s Backhand

The Assyrian army camped outside Jerusalem
Ready to conquer and level it
But most of the army died in their sleep one night
So the Lord ended that threat

And there’s other stories like the prophets of Baal
Queen Jezebel, Goliath of Gath
These weren’t just innocent bystanders
These were enemies who felt the wrath

Of God’s backhand
When tough love must get even tougher
God’s backhand
When evil plays rough, God can play rougher

Were not talking about tennis or ping-pong
Or any kind of friendly sport
We’re talking about God fighting for his people
Where someone can really get hurt

But that someone is your enemy
Who’d have no qualms about hurting you
So they’re not being unfairly treated
When they get what is their due

From God’s backhand
It’s as strong as it ever was
God’s backhand
It will solve problems that nothing else does

God’s backhand
When you need something more than just defense
God’s backhand
Will send evil flying over the fence
God’s backhand
God’s backhand


Yeah… that just happened. And I simply cannot imagine (for now!) a worse song being written. We shall see…

(video via)

15 Comments leave one →
  1. thompjs permalink
    November 1, 2011 11:37 am

    Wow, I think you are right. What can be worse?

  2. November 1, 2011 12:01 pm

    God IS an Englishman. He plays tennis.

  3. November 1, 2011 2:32 pm

    Wow. You need to put some legal disclaimer on this post about this video causing emotional trauma. That’s definitely the most terrifying thing I’ve seen in a long time.

  4. November 1, 2011 3:41 pm

    Apparently, God’s pimp hand is strong.

  5. atimetorend permalink
    November 1, 2011 7:17 pm

    Did not consider it in contention with “gloom and doom,” until I saw the domestic violence and boy in the hospital without feet. Quit watching at that point, maker of this video is reprehensible and without excuse.

  6. atimetorend permalink
    November 1, 2011 7:37 pm

    Kind of interesting, from myspace, “you can’t make this stuff up”:
    Bio: Graduated in 1977 with a bachelors degree in music theory and composition. Became interested in MIDI in the 80’s. Started performing completely original works in the 90’s. Songs have simple melodies, interesting (and sometimes complex) arrangements, and potent Christian messages. I call them “SongSermons” (registered trademark).
    Influences: Beethoven and the Beatles.

  7. November 2, 2011 7:26 am

    it absolutely has to be a spoof, intended to be incendiary. could it possibly be a satire on god’s ‘justice’?

    • 4xi0m permalink
      November 2, 2011 8:50 am

      I think the video is a spoof on the song, but the song is most likely real. If that’s the case, I think the maker of the video did quite a good job satirizing the song’s ‘theology.’ If not…wow. Either way, I agree that this guy beats the Third Eagle for the worst song ever. There are 17th and 18th century hymns with a similar message, but at least they don’t sound like they were written and composed by a seventh-grader.

  8. Allen permalink
    November 2, 2011 8:12 am

    Had it coming, the bitches

  9. Len permalink
    November 2, 2011 12:30 pm

    So 9/11 was an example of God’s backhand? Well at least he seems to like female mud wrestling, so that’s OK.

  10. November 3, 2011 8:54 pm

    There is no way the video was made by the composer. No one is that terrible. Please tell me that no one is that terrible.

  11. Darren permalink
    November 7, 2011 1:44 am

    There is no way that is real. Someone is just one-upping the Third Eagle (if that was possible). I think this is clearly satirical.

  12. November 8, 2011 10:31 am

    Okay, after doing a bit of research, here’s the skinny.

    Richard Hackley did write and sing the song which is cringe worthy in itself, but the video was made by somebody else who has a very sick sense of humor.

  13. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    November 24, 2011 11:30 am

    Watched it through (with pretty bad lag). Will take a lot of MLP:FiM to bleach my brain out after that.

    The audio? An amateur who thinks God has Gifted him with Music. You see them all the time behind the piano in small splinter churches. Nothing exceptional.

    But I have to agree. Whoever made that video has a very sick sense of humor. And I say that as one experienced in Sick Humor.


  1. God’s Backhand | Unreasonable Faith

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