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‘Bishop’ Eddie Long Crowned ‘King’? Oi Vay…

February 9, 2012

This is perhaps one of the silliest and most idiotic things that has ever happened in the history of Christianity. And let’s be honest: there is no small competition in those categories.

In a recent service on January 29th 2012, Eddie Long invited Ralph Messer who claims to be a ‘rabbi’ bringing torah ‘truth’ to Christians. This ‘rabbi’ then proceeds to pronounce Eddie Long as King in “god’s government” lifting him up in his chair/throne and carrying him around the stage.

 

Now, after watching that complete sham of a ceremony let’s remind ourselves about ‘Bishop’ Long. This is the same man who organized a march through Atlanta as part of his anti-gay agenda, but then several months back it was revealed he was being accused by four young men from his private school of taking them on vacation and then having sexual encounters with them. When the news first hit, Bishop Long declared, “This I’m gonna fight…”

 

Then details started to slowly leak out, “Ok, ok, ok. So I did take these men on trips with me… and I did share rooms with them ‘occasionally’… and I did buy them gifts… but we never had sex!”

Uh huh, ok then… But just to be safe, let’s go to mediation and try to ensure that no one finds out the sordid details of our trips?!?

Does this look like a pastor who could make some questionable sexual decisions? That was a rhetorical question…

 

Perhaps it’s just the cynic in me but when 75% of their story is already collaborated, and you have four, count ‘em: four young men accusing you of sexual indiscretion… yeah, you might need to go to mediation if you want to keep professing your innocence from the pulpit.

 

It was announced later that a Settlement Had Been Reached in Eddie Long’s Sexual Coercion Case.

Are you ready for this…

Put on your surprise faces…

The case was settled and dismissed with prejudice, meaning the plaintiffs could not sue Long again concerning the same case, and with the accusers’ silence bought and paid for with an agreement to never speak of the details of the case publicly.

The only thing that Long ever “vigorously” fought for in this case was to make sure that the truth didn’t come out.

But Long needs some form of false legitimacy to continue scamming and bilking the blind sheep of his congregation out of money so he can continue his lavish lifestyle of traveling around the world with his assortment of boy toys… allegedly.

So he brings in a ridiculous man who declares himself a rabbi, who lies, conflates some different religious traditions, and makes some of the most insane proclamations concerning Long and the Torah.

But how does the Torah even begin to magically confer Long any new legitimacy? I mean, it’s absolutely ridiculous if you know anything about the Torah, or what’s actually in the Torah! First, as far as I know: no king ever in the OT was ever wrapped in the Torah. One, many of the kings in the OT ‘lived’ long before there was a Torah! Two, this type of ceremony is never mentioned.

But what about things that are actually in the Torah? Let’s look in Leviticus…

18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

20:13 If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Ooopppps! Well, let’s just skip for now that Long allegedly liked to jerk off young men and perform oral sex on them, and even allegedly ‘married’ one of the men in a ‘spiritual’ act, and see what the Torah has to say about kings… Let’s see, Deuteronomy…

14 When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, “Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us,” 15 be sure to appoint over you a king the LORD your God chooses. He must be from among your fellow Israelites. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not an Israelite. 16 The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the LORD has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.” 17He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.

18 When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the Levitical priests. 19 It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees 20 and not consider himself better than his fellow Israelites and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.

I don’t think that’s the sort of ‘kingship’ that Long is looking for!

Anyways, I assume that you my insightful, smart, regular, and intelligent readers will know instantly that this is one of the stupidest things you have ever seen, but for those who are unsure how imbecilic the above entire ceremony is, and just how many innacuracies, lies, and deceit there is in the presentation of ‘rabbi’ Messer, the , Associate Professor of Biblical Hebrew and Jewish and Christian Scripture, has a list of 27 problems with the ‘coronation’ of ‘King’ Long:

  1. The claim that Holocaust Torahs cannot be insured “because there are no more” is patently false. They are regularly insured as are other one of a kind objects d’art, i.e. the works of Picasso.
  2. The Torah cover is not a “foreskin.” Hyper-masculine, hyper-sexualization of the Torah reduces the holy Torah to a problematic phallic symbol — God’s? or Long’s? — and categorizes the most destructive behaviors associated with New Birth ministries in recent years. Grammatically and symbolically, the Torah is feminine in Hebrew and is personified as “She,” as in “She is a Tree of Life,” in Prov. 3:18.
  3. The Temple in Jerusalem was not a synagogue or Beth Midrash, where Torah scrolls were kept and studied.
  4. The Torah wrapper is not referred to as a “belt of righteousness.”
  5. The tree in the vision in the book of Revelation whose “leaves are for the healing of the nations,” (22:2), is a fruit tree — not a Torah scroll — and the text does not say that there are “39 leaves” as claimed in the video.
  6. The claim that “only one of great authority” is given a “finger” to touch the scroll is patently false. Any bar or bat mitvah, girl or boy, woman or man, who has completed the rite of passage, can chant the Torah according to the (minhag) custom in their congregation. Torah scroll pointers, called “hands,” (yadayim), not “fingers” are common gifts and possessions in Jewish families and communities.
  7. The claim that 90 percent of the Jews in the world have “never seen, approached or touched” Torah scrolls is utterly without foundation. The Torah is taken out of the Ark during Shabbat and other services; it is processed through the assembly twice where people reverence it (Her!) by touching and kissing it/Her.
  8. The frequent references to significant numbers may be an attempt to mimic the Jewish mystical tradition of Gematria that elicits meanings from numbers and their contexts. The speaker is devising his own system without reference to any of the classical texts in Judaism, frequently by simple free- and word-association.
  9. There is no verse in the scriptures where Jesus calls himself “the eternal government of God” as claimed by the speaker.
  10. The point that “these” — presumably Torah scrolls or just Holocaust Torah scrolls are only given to “cities in need of anointing” is false. Individuals, families and religious communities own and commission Torah scrolls and keep or give them as they see fit, to synagogues, Jewish seminaries and other schools and museums.
  11. Even if the speaker identifies as a Jew and has Israeli citizenship, he does not speak for “the Jewish people,” “the land of Israel” or “the state of Israel.”
  12. His address of Eddie Long as a biblical or Israelite king is without foundation in the scriptures or in reality.
  13. The notion that there is such a thing as a “king chromosome” is a fiction, as is the claim that it is kohenic, that is priestly; the Israelite and Judean monarchs — there were queens as well — were not priests.
  14. The man’s articulation of what “God wants,” is to say the least unsubstantiated outside that particular setting.
  15. The man never says how he knows that none of Long’s ancestors or relatives has ever seen a Torah scroll.
  16. While there are some traditional reflections on the human body — including DNA and chromosomes — in the mystical Kabbalistic tradition, the speaker is crafting a verbal montage without reference to the classical texts or their theologies.
  17. He attributes a quote to “Jewish doctors” stereotyping an entire community as conflating cellular biology with his Hebrew mysticism without actually naming or quoting any single “Jewish doctor” who holds such an opinion.
  18. The “crowns” in Torah scrolls stem from a particular — now-normative — calligraphy style, but other types of calligraphy have been used through the ages to produce legitimate Torah scrolls.
  19. The claim that the kings of Israel were crowned with Torah scrolls wrapping them has no foundation in the biblical text. According to the bible’s own chronology the written Torah did not come into existence until the reign of King Josiah in the sixth century BCE (2 Kgs 22), some four hundred years after the time of David. However, the great second century rabbi Hanina ben Teradion, was however wrapped in a Torah scroll and burned alive in his martyrdom. Perhaps he has confused or conflated the traditions.
  20. While the Torah poles are called, etzim, “trees,” they are not known as “justice and blessing.”
  21. The speaker’s claim that his speaking “life” to Eddie Long as a Jew has some meaning, is utterly without meaning.
  22. The speaker’s prediction that the ritual — his antecedent is unclear — will arouse either “death” or “life” in someone — Long? Or the congregation? — is his own Gnosticism, knowledge that is not shared by those outside that particular setting.
  23. There is no precedent for presenting anyone, even a fictitious Israelite-ish monarch with the Torah wrapper.
  24. The donning of the tallit, prayer shawl, is done by those who have completed their bar or bat mitzvah — whatever it was that just occurred, it had none of the requisite elements of a bat or bar mitzvah. In addition the tallit is donned by pulling it over one’s head and reciting the traditional prayer, which was not done. It is also not draped like a clergy stole.
  25. The elevation of Long lifted in the chair by four men seems to have been borrowed from Jewish wedding festivities and has noting to do with coronation; there is no evidence of this practice among Israelite or Judean monarchs.
  26. The Aaronic blessing (Num 6:24-26) is a blessing for the people and not a putative leader.
  27. It is unfortunate that the speaker chose to plunder the sacred traditions of Judaism as he invented novel interpretations of biblical texts and imagery affirm and elevate an individual who had admittedly broken the sacred trust between pastor and congregant.

In the famous words of Bob Cargill, “I shake my head…”

6 Comments leave one →
  1. February 9, 2012 8:37 am

    That is so crazy. I was hoping for a “King/Queen” joke. I loved the “can you feel the anointing in the room” question to start it off.

  2. thehumanscorch permalink
    February 9, 2012 10:40 pm

    Worlds of Ouch, but when do churches ever actually do research and concern themselves with Biblical and historical accuracy anyway?

  3. Sister in Christ permalink
    February 10, 2012 1:01 am

    He is going to bust Hell wide open if he does not repent

  4. 4xi0m permalink
    February 11, 2012 10:48 am

    Very thorough. And wow. Seeing this makes me much less incredulous at Rick Santorum’s recent primary victories.

    Not only is this whole exercise seriously offensive, but it makes no sense to begin with. Eddie Long’s church is Baptist, and standard Baptist eschatology excludes people of other religions (and sometimes other Christian denominations) from salvation, let alone any kind of ‘spiritual authority.’ Bringing in a ‘rabbi’ to do the ‘anointing’ (or whatever it is Messer is doing) contradicts the church’s own theology. Also, I’ve got a couple issues of my own with Messer’s ‘science.’

    “There are 22 pairs of chromosomes in your body; the 23rd was added by man. There are 22 amino acids.”

    I think he must mean this literally. It’s hardly necessary to state that this is false; ‘man’ has never added a chromosome to his own genome. I’m not sure which pair he has designated as the superfluous 23rd pair, but it’s immaterial. For a human being to be viable, all chromosomes except Y must be present in at least one copy, and in the case of all but X, Y, 13, 18, and 21, in exactly two copies. And while there are 22 standard amino acids, only 20 are encoded by the human genome. As for human cells looking like Hebrew script, I couldn’t say. There might be some tissue that looks like some Hebrew letter if you turn the slide upside-down and squint, but even if that’s true, mammalian cells are generally indistinguishable by species at the histological level. That means that mouse cells would look like Hebrew script too.

    I think CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin put it best: “Bishop Long runs a gigantic business.” *sigh*

  5. Shalah permalink
    February 20, 2012 9:45 pm

    With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward. Psalm 18: 26
    Unto the pure all things [are] pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving [is] nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled. Titus 1: 15
    But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know [them], because they are spiritually discerned. 1 Cor. 2: 14
    http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=1Cr&c=2&t=KJV#14
    The visually illustrated message of Rabbi Messer depicted the following scriptures. These are the realities of the true believer in Yeshua HaMashiach. Though definitely spiritual realities, they are not ‘yet’ physical realities.
    Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised [us] up together, and made [us] sit together in heavenly [places] in Christ Jesus: Ephesians 2: 5, 6
    Jews (except for Messianic Jews of which Rabbi Messer is extremely clear he is NOT representing) do not accept the “New Testament” or New Covenant and so would not understand this depiction of God’s raising the believer in HIM up out of sin, ‘earthly’ or ‘worldly’ elements.
    We are clearly told that believers —ALL BELIEVERS ARE
    And from Jesus Christ, [who is] the faithful witness, [and] the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him [be] glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. Revelation 1: 6
    And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;
    And hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth. Revelation 5: 9, 10
    http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Rev&c=5&t=KJV#10
    Rabbi Messer’s illustrated message was/is a beautiful depiction of our Father, God reaching down and wrapping HIS arms around a man that was ‘accused’ (see Revelation 12: 10 about WHO is the accuser) and lifted him up only as representative of ALL of us fallen sinful ‘men’. IF anyone bothered to really seek the Father on this issue one would clearly see that it is sifting the wheat from the chaff!
    IF the young men were indeed molested—they need ministered to by true men of God that KNOW HIS mercy, grace, FORGIVENESS and love and be encouraged to forgive. IF they are not lying for money. If they are lying for money they need to repent and ask Bishop Long’s forgiveness, the church’s forgiveness and quit playing victim.
    The media keeps victimizing them and they keep ‘playing the role’ brilliantly!
    As a conqueror over the emotional issues of incestual molestation, I have been completely healed and my soul restored. My abuser was dead long before I remembered. But MY FATHER GOD forgives ALL and the soul can be restored completely.
    Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) see above
    For those that FEEL they have the right to crucify GOD’s chosen and anointed:
    [Saying], Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. I Chronicles 16: 22
    [Saying], Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. Psalm 105: 15
    Those that LIFT THEMSELVES above GOD are doing much worse than what they ‘imagine’ was done. And they ARE only cursing themselves, their families and all who ‘receive’ their accusations and condemning judgments. It’s called Yetzer Harah and it is the work of the devil. Revelation 12: 10 who is the accuser! GOD never accuses or condemns. NEVER!

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