Divinity Tag-Tag Grudge Match: YHWH & Yeshua vs. Odin & Thor
This has been sitting in my draft-box for awhile now. I don’t really feel like working on/editing/rewriting it to make it better or finished, so I’ll just post this fragment of an idea. If anyone wants to run with this one feel free to rewrite and re-post or leave a comment.
In ancient religious mythology there are many father/son divine combos. But what if these divine beings were to meet each other in an extreme grudge match? It might look something like this…
Our tale of the tape:
Odin is a principal member of the of the Norse pantheon and is associated with war, battle, victory, death and shape shifting into animals.
Odin’s carries the spear Gungnir, which never misses its target.
Odin is a god of war and death, which is awesome, but also the god of poetry = lame!
Odin has only one eye, which blazes like the sun, but does leave him with a significant blind spot and quite susceptible to a tricky right hook.
Requires human sacrifices!
Hung himself for nine days, pierced by his own spear, on the world tree. Here he learned nine powerful songs, and eighteen runes.
Traded an eye for a drink from the Well of Wisdom!
Thor is the Norse god of thunder and is a large, powerful man with a red beard and eyes of lightning.
Thor’s primary weapon is the hammer Mjollnir, a fearsome weapon capable of leveling mountains.
During a thunderstorm, Thor rides through the heavens on his chariot and lightning flashes whenever he throws his hammer.
Thor wears the belt Megingjard which doubles his already considerable strength.
Likes to kick ass!
Likes to fight first, ask questions later (may not be a weakness in this format)
Too many to list.
Thor has battled everyone: frost giants, Asgardians, his own brother, puny earthlings, not so puny earthlings, and even aliens! No dimension or being is free from his butt-kicking!
Yahweh Sabaoth, Yahweh the God of Armies, is originally a warrior God and a storm God. Yahweh the Lord of Armies occurs roughly 280 times in the OT. Yahweh Shalom just once. This is one tough dude!
Large army of divine beings at his disposal.
His water attack can wipe out planets or armies.
When he says kill everyone, he means kill everyone. Failure to comply may lead to loss of kingship, covenant, and even death!
Sky-fire attack can wipe out entire cities.
Uses clouds as a chariot.
Can dry up a womb with a single whim!
Can incarnate himself!
Can create everything!
Sometimes destroys everything!
YHWH feels regret and grief for his actions(Jonah 3:10; Gen 6:6); and is very jealous.
Wrestled Jacob; finished match with amazing thigh/hip dislocation maneuver.
Divine Feint: lured Egyptian army into seemingly safe passageway only to deliver thunderous water slam and decisively take victory.
YHWH: 1 vs. Sodom & Gomorrah: minus infinity
Yeshua is fully-god and fully man… uh… he is Yeshua but he is also YHWH… but distinct from YHWH while being YHWH. It’s all a little confusing.
Takes a good beating.
Sacrificed himself for all mankind on a tree.
Has eyes of fire and a sword protruding from mouth!
Raises from the dead!
Turns the other cheek
Loves his enemies and returns kindness to those that persecute him
Takes a good beating
Susceptible to nails.
Outwitted ho diabolos in the desert.
Defeated physics by walking on water
Calms storms with a single prayer!
Not sure if this is a two-on-two battle or a two-on-one battle. Yahweh/Yeshua face a distinct disadvantage against the powerful and war-mongering duo of Odin/Thor. It is true that Jesus can take an extreme amount of punishment–even coming back from the dead!–but Odin is one sick puppy. Jesus was tortured and hung on the cross for a few hours by Roman soldiers; Odin tortured and hung himself on a tree for nine days!
I think the betting would have to be on Odin-Thor in this match. Odin has a spear, Gungnir, which never misses its target: one of Jesus’s weaknesses? Spears! A decided disadvantage for that father-son duo. It is true that Yahweh brings a lot of badassery to the table, but pairing yourself with the “prince of peace” might not be the best idea in a tag-team match.