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Divinity Tag-Tag Grudge Match: YHWH & Yeshua vs. Odin & Thor

February 22, 2012

This has been sitting in my draft-box for awhile now. I don’t really feel like working on/editing/rewriting it to make it better or finished, so I’ll just post this fragment of an idea. If anyone wants to run with this one feel free to rewrite and re-post or leave a comment.

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In ancient religious mythology there are many father/son divine combos. But what if these divine beings were to meet each other in an extreme grudge match? It might look something like this…

Our tale of the tape:

Odin

Attributes

Odin is a principal member of the of the Norse pantheon and is associated with war, battle, victory, death and shape shifting into animals.

Odin’s carries the spear Gungnir, which never misses its target.

Weaknesses

Odin is a god of war and death, which is awesome, but also the god of poetry = lame!

Odin has only one eye, which blazes like the sun, but does leave him with a significant blind spot and quite susceptible to a tricky right hook.

Requires human sacrifices!

Memorable Matches

Hung himself for nine days, pierced by his own spear, on the world tree. Here he learned nine powerful songs, and eighteen runes.

Traded an eye for a drink from the Well of Wisdom!

Thor

Thor is the Norse god of thunder and is a large, powerful man with a red beard and eyes of lightning.

Attributes

Thor’s primary weapon is the hammer Mjollnir, a fearsome weapon capable of leveling mountains.

During a thunderstorm, Thor rides through the heavens on his chariot and lightning flashes whenever he throws his hammer.

Thor wears the belt Megingjard which doubles his already considerable strength.

Can fly!

Likes to kick ass!

Weaknesses

Likes to fight first, ask questions later (may not be a weakness in this format)

Memorable Matches

Too many to list.

Thor has battled everyone: frost giants, Asgardians, his own brother, puny earthlings, not so puny earthlings, and even aliens! No dimension or being is free from his butt-kicking!

YHWH

Yahweh Sabaoth, Yahweh the God of Armies, is originally a warrior God  and a storm God. Yahweh the Lord of Armies occurs roughly 280 times in the OT. Yahweh Shalom just once. This is one tough dude!

Attributes

Large army of divine beings at his disposal.

His water attack can wipe out planets or armies.

When he says kill everyone, he means kill everyone. Failure to comply may lead to loss of kingship, covenant, and even death!

Sky-fire attack can wipe out entire cities.

Uses clouds as a chariot.

Can dry up a womb with a single whim!

Can incarnate himself!

Can create everything!

picture via

Weaknesses

Sometimes destroys everything!

YHWH feels regret and grief for his actions(Jonah 3:10; Gen 6:6); and is very jealous.

Memorable Matches

Wrestled Jacob; finished match with amazing thigh/hip dislocation maneuver.

Divine Feint: lured Egyptian army into seemingly safe passageway only to deliver thunderous water slam and decisively take victory.

YHWH: 1 vs. Sodom & Gomorrah: minus infinity

Yeshua

Yeshua is fully-god and fully man… uh… he is Yeshua but he is also YHWH… but distinct from YHWH while being YHWH. It’s all a little confusing.

Attributes

Takes a good beating.

Sacrificed himself for all mankind on a tree.

Has eyes of fire and a sword protruding from mouth!

Raises from the dead!

Weaknesses

Turns the other cheek

Loves his enemies and returns kindness to those that persecute him

Takes a good beating

Susceptible to nails.

Memorable Matches

Outwitted ho diabolos in the desert.

Defeated physics by walking on water

Calms storms with a single prayer!

It’s Time…

Not sure if this is a two-on-two battle or a two-on-one battle. Yahweh/Yeshua face a distinct disadvantage against the powerful and war-mongering duo of Odin/Thor. It is true that Jesus can take an extreme amount of punishment–even coming back from the dead!–but Odin is one sick puppy. Jesus was tortured and hung on the cross for a few hours by Roman soldiers; Odin tortured and hung himself on a tree for nine days!

Likely Outcome

I think the betting would have to be on Odin-Thor in this match. Odin has a spear, Gungnir, which never misses its target: one of Jesus’s weaknesses? Spears! A decided disadvantage for that father-son duo. It is true that Yahweh brings a lot of badassery to the table, but pairing yourself with the “prince of peace” might not be the best idea in a tag-team match.

14 Comments leave one →
  1. February 22, 2012 8:32 am

    Reblogged this on Gideon Jagged and commented:
    The “fundamental” silliness emerges…

  2. Tracey Sheneman permalink
    February 22, 2012 9:58 am

    Doubt me not, infidel! Mine apocalypse is near
    Ye shall taste mine vengeance – the sting of Gungnir!
    Wretch, thine abominations precede thee
    Thy heathen bowels heave heresy
    ‘Tis the grave thou art a’goadin’
    Today thou shalt answer to Odin!

  3. Paul D. permalink
    February 23, 2012 2:30 am

    Next week: Elijah vs. Voldemort!

  4. 4xi0m permalink
    February 23, 2012 10:40 am

    I not so sure about the odds being in favor of Odin-Thor. If memory serves, both Odin and Thor really like their alcohol. All YHWH/Yeshua have/has to do is turn the Red Sea into mead, and challenge Odin and Thor to drink it. I’m willing to bet that Gungnir and Mjollnir aren’t as accurate when their wielders are wearing beer goggles (or a beer monocle in Odin’s case).

    • Artor permalink
      May 31, 2013 12:58 pm

      That is true, but you must remember that Thor has proven in the past that unless you do something really big, like the World Sea, he could actually drain it and come on refreshed!

  5. February 23, 2012 10:51 pm

    And then Sigurd showed up with a magic sword and killed Odin with a sneak attack.

  6. February 24, 2012 7:35 am

    YHWH / Yeshua have the disadvantage of being one being. Killing one kills both.

  7. Grant permalink
    February 27, 2012 9:20 pm

    Eph. 1:17 I desire that your knowledge of the Father will be undiluted, that you will draw directly from the source; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ imparts the spirit of wisdom to you in the unveiling of His Master Plan (glory.)

    1:18 I pray that your thoughts will be flooded with light and revelation knowledge; that you will clearly picture His intent in identifying you in Him so that you may know how precious you are to Him. The saints are His treasure and the glorious trophy of His portion! (We are God’s assets and the measure of His wealth!)

    1:19 I pray that you will understand beyond all comparison the magnitude of His power towards us who believe.

    1:20 It is the same dynamic energy that He unleashed in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and forever established Him in the power of His own right hand in the realm of the heavens.

    1:21 Infinitely above all the combined forces of rule, authority, dominion or governments; He is ranked superior to any name that could ever be given to anyone of this age or any age still to come in the eternal future.

    1:22 I want you to see this: He subjected all these powers under His feet. He towers head and shoulders above everything.
    He is the head,

    1:23 the church (His redeemed image and likeness in man) is His body. The completeness of His being that fills all in all resides in us! God cannot make Himself more visible or exhibit Himself more accurately.

    • February 28, 2012 2:23 pm

      Is this a quote fight? Do we have to dig up some Norse poetry talking about how Odin is the most awesome? Will that prove something?

      • Grant permalink
        February 28, 2012 5:54 pm

        Odin is a dweeb and must bow the knee don’t you see

  8. Grant permalink
    February 28, 2012 5:42 pm

    From Romans 8 the Message Bible

     31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

       They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
       We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
    None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

    • Grant permalink
      February 28, 2012 6:02 pm

      Philippians 2:5-11 Street Bible

      Get an attitude — as long as it’s the same attitude the Liberator had:
      He was God, right through to the marrow,
      But he didn’t use his clout to put himself about heaven.
      He took off all the royal bits, cut up his heavenly credit cards,
      Chucked his global contacts list, walked off without his bodyguards.
      He unplugged his airwave connection, left his precious star 
      collection,
      He said, “I give it up.” (x2)
      And took up a new role — a role well below him:
      He became flesh and blood, skin and bone,
      And stepped down from his heavenly throne to his new earth-home as a normal guy.
      And more — he allowed himself to die;
      And more — he allowed himself to be nailed up high and executed on a cross.
      So God brought him back, celebrated him, elevated him to the top spot.
      Letters behind his name? He got the lot!
      So everyone will show Jesus ultimate respect,
      Everyone will stand for inspection all “present and correct”,
      And every mouth will say, “He’s Boss, this Liberator, Jesus — Boss.”
      And God’s reputation, his credibility, will soar,
      As his enemies weep and his fans roar.

      • Len permalink
        March 4, 2012 1:54 am

        Street bible got no street cred.

      • 4xi0m permalink
        March 6, 2012 3:54 pm

        Maybe it’s just because I’m used to American slang, but the British-sounding diction in this ‘street’ bible makes it sound decidedly less ‘street.’

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