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The Magic: Tricking The Stupidest People Alive

April 2, 2012

I was walking through Costco yesterday and I saw a book. In near disbelief–seriously, if I wasn’t holding it, I wouldn’t believe it–I flipped through the first pages, and standing there in the Costco my brain almost broke at what I was reading. It’s hard for me to understand how this can even be a real thing.

How is this possible?

I know people are desperate… I know that people are uneducated… I know that immature adults desperately need the illusion of control… but how can someone–anyone!–possibly be so naive, so superstitious, so uneducated that they would believe anything that is written in this book?!? What book you ask?

Rhonada Byrne’s The Magic.

Rhonda Byrne is the author of The Secret, that Bible for greedy, ignorant, self-serving adults who have no better categories for interpreting social and natural phenomena than an uneducated mentally-handicapped infant in the Middle Ages. However, Rhonda has outdone herself with her new book.

Cover of "The Secret"

Let’s see first what this book, The Magic, promises

No matter who you are, no matter where you are, no matter what your current circumstances, The Magic is going to change your entire life!

By this means you will acquire the glory of the whole world.” The Emerald Tablet (Circa 3,000-5,000 BC)

Wow. Extravagant promises much? Change your entire life? Acquire the glory of the whole world? I would be skeptical of any such claims from any source, but what is The Emerald Tablet?

It was a primary text for alchemists… friggin’ alchemy! How ignorant and credulous would you have to be to believe that the Emerald Tablet would be  a legitimate source for knowledge?

Proposition one: you can do magic! Proof and source for this claim: an old alchemist text (alchemy?!?). Such a ridiculous beginning that you see where this is probably going.

Now in the past I have made fun of New Agers and their usage of words–“This secret principle will help you get whatever you want.”–and by making fun, I have used the word ‘magic’ in a derisive sense, “These are childish adults pretending like children that they are witches and warlocks who can do magic.” Well, Byrne, has dropped all of the pretenses and just come out and said it herself,

YOU HOLD IN YOUR HANDS THE WAY TO A MAGICAL LIFE. Remember when you were a child and you believed that life was magical? Well, the magic of life is real, and it’s far more breathtaking, awe-inspiring, and exciting than you ever imagined as a child. You can live your dreams, you can have anything you want, and your life can touch the stars!

I am here to tell you that the magic you once believed in is true, and it’s the disillusioned adult perspective of life that is false… When you know what to do to bring forth the magic, you will live the life of your dreams.

That’s right, the premise of this book is that you can do magic. And people actually believe that. I am reminded of another ancient text, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

In 2012–2012!–the main premise of a book that is actually on the NYT best seller list is that you can do magic. It’s hard to believe.

Throughout history
Every mystery
EVER solved has turned out to be
Not Magic.

~ Tim Minchin Storm

I mean, what do you say to people who are willfully ignorant, lack any good or useful categories for interpreting social and natural phenomena (actually confusing the two), sit around pretending to be modern alchemists who can turn lead to gold with the power of their mind, and pretend they can do magic?!? It’s absolutely astounding that such credulous, naive, ignorant, and foolish people exist… but apparently they do.

This is already too long, but let me give you a quick example of how uneducated people fall for the word soup of this garbage. All of this supposed magical ability comes from the “Law of Attraction”. Now I’m sure if you asked any one of these ignoramuses what the denotative meaning of the word ‘law’ meant in scientific terms they would not have any real definitions, but ‘scientific laws’ are usually part of a scientific theory which over time have never been seen to be violated.

What are the chances that if we tested the “Law of Attraction” it would never be seen to be violated?

In fact, this new age woo isn’t even a “Hypothesis of Attraction” because then we could go out and test it by experiment or observation. It’s actually the “Hope of Attraction” “The Myth of Attraction” “The Speculation of Attraction”. It’s a lot of things (the “Bullshit of Attraction?) but there is certainly one thing it’s not: a ‘Law’.

I shake my head…

I can’t take much more stupidity but Byrne writes

For more than twenty centuries, words within a sacred text have mystified, confused, and been misunderstood by almost all who read them. Only a very few people through history have realized that the words are a riddle, and that once you solve the riddle – once you uncover the mystery – a new world will appear before your eyes.

If I had a dollar for every bad interpretation and faulty conclusion that began with such a reader located lens I would be a wealthy man. No one has ‘really understood’ until now… I am going to divorce this from all historical, social, and literary context. I am going to force on the text an obscure and tendentious meaning. I am going to separate it from all logic and reason… but this is what the mystery of the text ‘really’ means.

What can I say? Uneducated fools pretending that they can do magic. If you really hate yourself go to the website. There’s a preview of the book: just read the chapter titles and the first chapter. You’ll lose some IQ points but then you can officially say that you have seen one of the stupidest documents created int he history of mankind. Ch. 4 Magical Health… oh boy: I bet that works good.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. April 2, 2012 10:54 am

    people…..

  2. April 3, 2012 5:23 am

    Now hold on just a second, lets not be so quick to dismiss alchemy! There may be something to it after all. Both The Secret and The Magic clearly demonstrate that Rhonda Byrne can turn bullshit into gold!

  3. Jon Hendry permalink
    April 3, 2012 4:07 pm

    Rot and nonsense. The true way is Spacestar Ordering.

  4. April 3, 2012 9:08 pm

    Hello, Scott.

    Do you believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ?

    Thank you,
    Geoff

  5. Bonny permalink
    February 8, 2013 10:57 am

    It humors me when individuals believe they have the answers to all that is know. Doesn’t the scientists of today chuckle at the scientists of yesterday? No one has the end all be all answers to anything because those who believe they are right today will be laughed at tomorrow. At the very best we only have part of an answer which will be built on in coming years and decades. Science, religion and metaphysic all are saying basically the same things just in a different “launguages”. So you understand one or two launguage(s), that doesn’t mean you know all. If it is that painful for you to know others respond to a different launguage than yourself, the solution is very simple, change the channel, look the other way or close your eyes until the situation leaves. All I kept hearing from the underlayings of your post is, “Be like me, be like me or otherwise I can’t except you.” Honestly, your better than this.

    • February 9, 2013 1:39 pm

      *sigh* You’re obviously a philosophical dilettante, but I will give a brief response to your drivel.

      One, I do not claim to know all that is known. Ever.

      Second, if you think science, religion, and metaphysics are all saying the same thing in different “languages” then you either have a very low IQ, or are incredibly misinformed about the claims of each and how they go about testing physical reality.

      Third, I have no desire for everyone to “be like me.” However, in the same way that eventually children learn actual knowledge, and instead of ‘believing’ in Santa Claus, they learn what Christmas is, and where the presents actually come from, I am merely saying in this post that adults who have no better categories for understanding physical reality than a mentally handicapped infant need to learn actual knowledge and join the rest of us in a place called reality.

      Fourth, every mystery EVER solved in the entire history of mankind, has always, every single time been NOT magic. Once you understand this you can begin to understand why ridiculous metaphysical speculation is not saying the same thing as science. Science claims are observable, testable, repeatable, and falsifiable. Above all they have actual effects in the real world. Gross metaphysical speculation is just that: speculation. It has a non-causative agency that has no effect in the real world. The claims of the above book rely on the ignorance of people who operate under faulty categories and a huge shield of confirmation bias.

      Lastly, the one thing you are right about is that it is painful to me when someone can be so epically stupid and misinformed that they could fall for this charlatan’s lies and believe they can do magic based on an alchemist’s text. That sort of stupid hurts very badly.

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  1. magic words: the secret codes of symbolic language « JRFibonacci's blog: partnering with reality

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