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Christian Bedding?!?

April 6, 2012

Jim West wrote a post on Wednesday titled “Scott Bailey, You’ll Love this One: Christian Bedding…” I like how he threw in a colon and an aposiopesis in the title. Very indicative of my writing ‘style’ (I’ll abuse punctuation if I want to!), but as to the content of the post.

No, Jim. Just no.

Christian Bedding? Really? Christian bedding? Really, really?

From the website:

For Christians, faith is not just something practiced on Sunday; it’s the whole way of life. It is small wonder then, that so many enjoy decorating their homes in faith-based decor–including Christian bedding from VisionBedding. Our custom bedding option allows the devout to bring a spiritual tone to any bedroom, from the kids’ room to the adults’ master bedroom.

Yeah, because nothing says ‘Christian’ like a bedspread with a cross on it. It reminds me of that famous passage when Jesus says, “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. You did not have a bed cover with an image associated with me upon it. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

It is true that Mrs. Scotteriology has been known to yell out “Oh God” repeatedly at the top of her lungs in our bedroom, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean I need some sort of religious iconography on our blankets.

But more than that, I certainly don’t need to see this when giving Mrs. Scotteriology a ‘special hug’…

The virgin Mary and Baby Jesus covering me as I do not forsake the gathering of ourselves together (Heb 10:25), do not deprive each other so that we may not be tempted (1 Cor 7:5), and engage in the laying on of hands (Acts 8:14-19) and tongues (1 Cor 12:87-11)?

Uh, no thank you!

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Brian M permalink
    April 6, 2012 12:57 pm

    Would accidentally staining the sheets count as blaspheming the Holy Spirit? What is your devout child is a bed wetter?

    • Len permalink
      April 10, 2012 5:02 am

      So that’s how the shroud of Turin was made.

  2. 4xi0m permalink
    April 7, 2012 5:40 pm

    This makes me want to read the book of Proverbs and append “…between the sheets” to every verse.

  3. Wall permalink
    April 7, 2012 8:48 pm

    A must have bedroom accessory for the woman who wants to be nailed on the cross.

  4. Len permalink
    April 10, 2012 5:05 am

    Our custom bedding option allows the devout to bring a spiritual tone to any bedroom, from the kids’ room to the adults’ master bedroom.

    I read that first as “… the deviant… “. My bad.

  5. April 12, 2012 11:10 am

    Cheap backdrops for your Christian YouTube ministry. Which is another whole scary subject.

  6. Headless Unicorn Guy permalink
    April 18, 2012 9:07 pm

    “Just like bedsheets, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”

    Well, they’ve got Christian Sex Toys, so why not Christian bedding?

    • WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
      April 19, 2012 5:40 pm

      Are there Christian condoms yet? “Hedge of Protection” would be the perfect branding phrase for Christian condoms.

      Nice to see West returns the jokey favor once in a while, eh? 🙂

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