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The QuantumMAN Scam

March 20, 2013

The unmitigated gall and ridiculous claims of New Age hucksters never ceases to amaze me. Just when you think it would be impossible for someone to be more ridiculous than Deepak Chopra, or for “Quantum Healers” to stoop any lower in their endless attempts to separate stupid and ignorant people from their money, you come across something like this:

Click the picture for the full stupid. WARNING: reading claims of New Age hucksters will cost you IQ points and make you stupider.

I kid you not, this is the claim of the scam artists running this con: they will send you “portal keys” that you unlock on your smartphone, iPad, or computer–and then a “quantum” computer secretly hid in Switzerland and supplied from alien technology will communicate with your pets’ brain, reprogram it quantumly, and thereby heal them.

How absolutely ignorant of reality, how incredibly naive, how insurmountably stupid would you have to be to send 100 bucks to these guys and think it would work, and that your pet would be healed? Via alien technology from a secret computer hid in Switzerland?!? Quantumly!?!

The stupid: it burns!

Of course, when you have a scam that appears to work on people willing to believe that you can program their pets’ brain quantumly via alien technology then why just stop there?

You can also quantumly cure your pesky little chemical addiction with: MethBlocker and MethCure!

Back problems got you down? Don’t worry there’s The Quantum Chiropractor!

Are you a fatty? Ain’t got time for such ridiculous things as working out and eating properly? Is your metabolism the problem, and not your consistent five-thousand calorie meals? Don’t worry there’s the Quantum Fat Killer!

There’s a lot more scams on this site: Quantum Sex, Quantum Massage, Quantum Antibiotics, and so on. But sending all of your money to get the semi-phenomenal cosmic quantum powers of the universe is expensive. So what to do?

Don’t worry, Quantum Man comes with his own brand of the prosperity gospel and the Secret: The Quantum Man Money Download. For $50 US you can program your brain to acquire abundance…

Of course, the real irony here is that anyone stupid enough to send fifty bucks, so that they could program their brain to acquire abundance, assumes that they have any brain space left to program. Pretty much breathing and blinking is using up all of their resources I think.

There’s also a very important notice on the site so that you can be assured that Quantum Man is the only effective-alien-technology-secretly-hid-computer-in-Switzerland-that-heals-quantumly on the internets:


Beware of imposters. Only Portal Access Keys™ (PAKs™) uploaded directly from this site ( are genuine and effective.

Beware of imposters. Let the ridiculousness of that just set in for a second… Quantum Man is warning others to beware of imposters. That’s like Bernie Madoff warning his investors to “Beware Ponzi Schemes.”

There’s one thing–and only one thing–that Quantum Man doesn’t lie about: the claim that his quantum cures do not have any side effects. That’s true, because they have no effects; therefore, there can be no side effects.

I guess, unless you count separating gullible people from their money…

The stupid: it burns.


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