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Nightmare Inducing Apologetics

July 10, 2013

It’s hard to believe someone could cram so much stupid on to one page, yet here’s the evidence. It begins with some canards and quickly maneuvers to some banal idiotic god-of-the-gaps arguments.

'argument'“If atheism were true, why do cats have pretty stripes on them?”

*sigh*… just let that sink in for a minute.

I suppose I could discuss cat coat markings, the difficulty they have given scientists to explain, how a recent gene discovery in feline DNA may explain this phenomena… but I also assume with the sort of ignorant person who constructed this, repeating long ago falsified rhetoric and idiotic questions by people like Ken Ham and Ray Comfort, I’d be wasting my time.

However, as silly as someone asking the question “If atheism were true, why do cats have pretty stripes on them?” and thinking that somehow it was some sort of legitimate way to discredit evolution, or prove their ‘faith’, there is no argument as horrifying and easily disproved as “Why do the millions of insect species have such startling beauty?”

“Startling beauty?” I’m gonna walk away from any sort of rational or scientific answer to that statement towards repulsion and irrational fear: If insects are startling beautiful why do they make horror movies about them? Why do they fuel my nightmares with their beady little eyes and too many appendages?

If a picture is worth a thousand words then this one is worth a thousand shivers of nightmare induced trauma:

article-1328003-0BFB51AA000005DC-43_634x315Startling beauty?

More like startling I will never, ever sleep without the blankets pulled up over my head again, dear sweet baby Jesus make it go away.

And if that insect horror above is not bad enough–amongst its millions of equally horrifying insect brethren (cock-a-roach!)–then what about arachnids? There is a common fear known as arachnophobia

Arachnophobia  (from Greek arachne (αράχνη), “spider” and phobia (φοβία), “fear” ) is a specific phobia, an abnormal fear of spiders. It is among the most common of all phobias. The reactions of arachnophobics often seem irrational to others (and sometimes to the sufferers themselves). People with arachnophobia tend to feel uneasy in any area they believe could harbor spiders or that has visible signs of their presence, such as webs. If arachnophobics see a spider they may not enter the general vicinity until they have overcome the panic attack that is often associated with their phobia. In some cases, even a picture or a realistic drawing of a spider can also evoke fear. They may feel humiliated if such episodes happen in the presence of peers or family members.

“It is the most common of all phobias” for a reason. And now? Scientists have discovered a spider with wings…

With. Wings.

zAUDTMCIf spiders can now fly, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Baby Jesus, bring me home.

I think the actual more relevant question when faced with such horrifying, terrifying, stupendous evil: how could a good God intelligently design something as horrendous as a spider with wings.

With. Wings.

Checkmate, Creationists: there is no good answer to that question! I’m going to put on my Hazmat suit before I go outside now.

With. Wings… *shudder*

EDIT: There is no such thing as spiders with wings. it is a Photoshopped pic. Also, I edited this post. I originally conflated arachnids and insects in a hurried post. I have since differentiated them. Spiders are not insects they are arachnids; I rushed the humour–and the editing apparently–in this post. I have been wrong before, and I guarantee you: it will happen again! I may just take this down and re-write the entire thing!

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Scott permalink
    July 10, 2013 9:43 am

    Just to pick a few nits … spiders aren’t insects. Also, God didn’t give that spider wings, Photoshop did:

  2. July 10, 2013 10:21 am

    Pretty sure that spider with wings thing is a hoax…

  3. Dirk permalink
    July 10, 2013 2:57 pm

    But spiders aren’t insects :). Insects are beautiful… Well… At least the are not spiders…

  4. July 10, 2013 3:19 pm

    Spiders aren’t insects.

  5. WenatcheeTheHatchet permalink
    July 10, 2013 8:12 pm

    it was rushed but the point is you tried. 🙂

  6. Artor permalink
    July 16, 2013 9:06 am

    Personally, I think even the gnarliest spider is still a beautiful thing to behold, as long as it isn’t crawling in my bed. But is that proof of a god? No, it is not.But yeah, you might want to take the photoshopped spider down. It doesn’t help your credibility.

  7. August 15, 2013 10:02 am

    totally have a few questions for God when I get to heaven: what were you thinking of when you made mosquitoes and hornets, wasps and yellow jackets?

  8. Russell permalink
    August 28, 2013 12:58 pm

    Spiders aren’t insects…spiders aren’t insects…doesn’t matter; an electron microscopic picture of a 6-legged exoskeletal beast could replace the similar one of the spider above, and the point would still have been made.

  9. KMAQ permalink
    November 27, 2013 9:18 am

    Really…………… as if eight legs don’t already make them scary!


  1. The New Atheist Nightmare: Cats

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