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God Cries Bug Poop For Your Stupidity

August 13, 2013
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Psychologists Jordan Silberman and Miron Zuckerman of the University of Rochester and Judith Hall of Northeastern University have published a paper in Personality and Social Psychology Review that aggregates the results from 63 studies on the issue done between 1928 and 2012.

The result of this study? “There is  a significant negative association between intelligence and religiosity.”

Or in layman’s terms: religion can make you dumb!

Now, of course, there are amazingly brilliant religious persons. some of them are my friends and colleagues. But… *sigh* unfortunately, there is no lowest common denominator when it comes to religious stupidity.

Probably there are some religious persons at this point already offended and thinking to themselves, “I’m not stupid, this post is stupid!” Unfortunately friends you are guilty by association with some very very stupid people. For example: Pastor Mack Wolford, a member of the ‘Signs’ Pentecostal denomination, who liked to handle highly venomous timber rattlesnakes during services as a demonstration of ‘faith’ in his ‘beliefs’. But the “serpent-handling” West Virginia pastor died after his rattlesnake bit him during a church ritual, just as the man had apparently watched a snake kill his father years before.

Read that last part again again: just as the man had apparently watched a snake kill his father years before. He ‘believed’ that he could handle snakes because the ‘Bible’ told him so, and obviously years of intellectually stupid indoctrination, but somehow, regardless of that ‘belief’ reality still invaded his insulated delusion.

Also indicative of religious stupidity: 16-year-old Austin Sprout who lost his life when his parents, Brandi and Russel Bellew, opted for prayer instead of medical treatment. Similarly to Wolford,  Austin Sprout watched his father die in 2007 of sepsis after seeking prayer instead of medical treatment for a leg injury.

So we have two ignoramuses who have been indoctrinated into stupidity, but not just regular stupidity, a special breed of ignorance in which reality and modernity are completely ignored for fairy tales and magic. Even worse, their parents gave them the faulty cognitive framework by which to kill themselves!

Religion can indeed make you very stupid. But in the video below, instead of killing themselves, religious people just look damn silly as they celebrate bugs shitting on them as the tears of God.

As the mid-day sun beat down, a group of parishioners huddled under a tree looking for shade, but seeking a miracle.

Rosemarie Navarro, a parishioner at a Fresno, California Catholic Church says, “I said my prayer and asked the Lord to give me a miracle cause I’m really, really sick.”

Navarro counts herself among the believers, a small but growing group that thinks the liquid dripping from this Crape Myrtle tree is the tears of God.

Parishioner Maria Ybarra says, “When you say ‘glory be to God in Jesus name’ the tree starts throwing out more water.”

On close inspection, arborist Jon Reelhorn agrees, something is falling from the tree in front of St. Johns Cathedral. But it isn’t water.

“The aphides will suck the sap, the sap goes through the aphid and then it is a honey dew excrement from the aphid and it gets so heavy in the summertime that it will drip down,”  Reelhorn says.

He calls it a natural process. He also found another tree dripping across the street. And like the honey dew rolling off its leaves, clinical therapist Mark McOmber says the way people choose to interpret it can also be attributed to nature.

“Human beings inherently need to hope for things, things that they can’t understand, things they can’t see,” McOmber says.

Miracles are nothing new in Christianity. In fact, their origins can be traced back to before the time of Jesus. But for catholic Miguel Beja, this tree doesn’t qualify.

“For me it is a natural thing but for some they say its different,”  he says.

Desperate Ignoramus: “I’m sick God, and I really need your help, will you heal me?”

God: “I can’t heal you, but I will make a bug poop on you.”

Desperate Ignoramus: “It’s a miracle!”


One of the ignoramuses in this video goes on to add:

Maria Ybarra was the first one to feel the drops this Wednesday and whether they are aphid waste or water, she believes they’re divine.

“I can tell you looking at it from a scientific standpoint and a spiritual standpoint it is the work of God manifesting here on earth,” Ybarra said.

Parishioners say the water started falling on Wednesday.

Just another of the umpteen gazillion examples of religious persons using the word ‘scientific’ as some sort of magic talisman for their ignorant beliefs to justify said belief without understanding or knowing what the word ‘scientific’ actually means.

“I said bugs pooping on me is the tears of God and that opinion is “scientific” therefore it is true!”

One Comment leave one →
  1. Will Hauck permalink
    August 14, 2013 8:53 am

    Wasn’t the original manna that the Israelites found in the desert basically beetle secretions? I seem to remember that from an old Bible lesson.

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