Mammonian Monday: May 12, 2008

Two things for consideration pertaining to Mammonians today:

First, I would like to introduce (some) of you to a term that sociologists came up with: relative poverty. Relative poverty relates poverty to the overall standard of living that prevails in a particular society. OK, you say, but why is that a problem?

Here’s the deal. According to the 2000 American census the average income in the United States was $42,158. That may not seem like much money to some, but in fact it would put you in the top 2.54% income earners in the world. If you were to merely double that–think two income household–it would put you in the top 0.76% in the world. This is where relative poverty comes in. We have people that compared globally are filthy, filthy rich but they compare themselves to the richer or richest sections of a society that is already grossly abundant and they feel poor. All their needs exceedingly met and they feel desperately unhappy and poor.

This my friends is what the prophets of Mammon prey upon. People that are unaware of how blessed they are and want more. The prophet of Mammon promises them that he has a formula to get more. Their heart makes them susceptible long before the prophet of Mammon ever speaks. Which leads to the next point.

The heart disposition that is adopted to make one susceptible to the lies of the Mammonian prophets leaves absolutely no margins for joy, contentment, gratitude, or thankfulness. There is literally no room for these thing, especially in relation to a God that is holding back on you because you do not have enough faith or haven’t “seeded” enough. A heart full of envy, covetousness, and greed cannot be thankful for the many blessings that have already been recieved just by being born in a North American society.

There may be no sadder commentary on the North American church today than the sector that already has incredible blessing and abundance but sits around desperately unhappy, conniving how to get more from God.

Those heart dispositions and actions are not Christian. They are Mammonianity.

I beg you whenever you run in to this plague that you not only say what it isn’t (it’s not the gospel) you say what it is: Mammonianity.

Hebrew Tatoos…

…that aren’t, but probably should be:

Proverbs 5:19

דַּ֭דֶּיהָ יְרַוֻּ֣ךָ בְכָל־עֵ֑ת

“May her breasts satisy you in all times”

Can I get an AMEN from all the men in the house?

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Everything you ever wanted to know about how NOT to have Hebrew tattooed onto your body can be found –>[here]<–

God Told Me to Tell You to Read This

This post [click HERE] at baptistsforhomeschooling.com got me thinking.

The first thing I want you to do is click the first link and read the paragraph from Dr. West. It’s sort of confusing. He’s using English terms and all, and I kind of get what he is laying down, but… I says pardon?

Now go read the story at the site he is linked to and commenting on. Re-read Dr. West’s comments.

Make a little more sense?

That my friends is called ‘context’. Can you imagine if you had read the original post of Dr. West and tried to read it “literally” for what it “plainly” says, and then tried to draw out the “timeless principles”? You would come up with something fairly distorted.

This is a small example (of many) of how reading your Bible or “preaching” (I didn’t want to use the word preaching, but…) can look like if you do not take the time to fill in the context of the biblical world.

As Bruce Malina once warned [rough paraphrase] if you read the Bible and it makes sense to you, you are reading it wrong.

If you want to know what the Bible “really says” and what the biblical authors “really meant” then start studying and investigating the society, culture, literary equivalents, thought world, religion and worldview of the OT and NT.

Be careful though, once you start down this path you might actually hear the words of an ancient rabbi who will call you to a whole new way of living.

Trust me on this one: it will look radically different than what is idealized in 21st century North American culture.

And thank God for that.

Creation to the Flood in One Minute

I took a class on Genesis. One of our assignments for this class was to write “Chapter summaries of the book of Genesis consisting of one or two brief yet descriptive sentences based on a thorough reading of Genesis in Robert Alter’s translation.” The goal for this exercise is, of course, to actually have the biblical studies student read the text. How novel.

Fortunately, for me I get very high grades and this was worth a very small amount of our overall grade, so I thought to myself, “Self, have some fun with this one. If it goes over like a fart in church then at least it won’t ruin your academic career.” Equally as fortunate, the professor for this class has a great sense of humor, and enjoyed my take after 50 or so similarly dry reports.

Today I give you all of history from Creation to the Flood in under one minute. Enjoy:

Chapter 1

God creates the world Part I: From a Distance.

Chapter 2

God rests and blesses the seventh day. God creates the world Part II: This Time it’s Personal.

Chapter 3

Temptation of Eve; her succumbing to temptation; Adam and Eve hide from God; Adam blames Eve for current predicament (and demands his rib back); God makes coverings for Adam and Eve (first time in history a man is asked, “Does this outfit makes me look fat?”); God banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden.

Chapter 4

Adam knows Eve Part I: Gone in Sixty Seconds; Cain kills Abel; Lamech kills a younger man; Adam knows Eve Part II: Revenge of the Seth.

Chapter 5

List of the descendants of Adam; Enoch does not die; Methuselah lives 960 years.

Chapter 6

God limits the number of years of men to one-hundred and twenty; Sons of God explain ‘tongues’ and the ‘laying on of hands’ to the daughters of men creating the Nephilim; God decides to rain on evil humans parade: literally; God instructs Noah concerning the Ark.

Chapter 7

The Flood.

Chapter 8

God remembers Noah; the Earth dries and Noah, his family, and the animals emerge from the Ark; Noah makes a sacrifice to God; God promises to Himself to never again wipe out the Earth on account of man.

Chapter 9

God blesses Noah and his sons; Noahidic covenant; God sets His bow in the sky as a reminder of the covenant; Noah plants a vineyard and parties like it’s 1999 BCE; Ham sees his father’s nakedness; Noah curses Ham and blesses Shem and Japeth. Noah lives to the ripe old age of one hundred and twenty… give or take eight hundred and thirty years.

Chapter 10

Lineage of Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japeth: Table of Nations. Ancient cure for insomnia discovered by reciting this chapter.

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Gervais on Genesis

Yes, it is a re-post, and yes it is deserved.

Sometimes I think that perhaps we are just a little too familiar with some of the stories of the Bible, and they don’t really affect us the way that they should. We can make all sorts of propositional statements about a book like Genesis without ever stopping and actually really listening to the story we have discarded for its ‘timeless truths’.

This video is not for the faint of heart, but it seems that Gervais is more impressed with the fact that God created light than many pastors I have heard speak. I’m not endorsing or defending anything Gervais says or does in this video, but I think it would be wonderful if we could regain a legitimate sense of wonder that he shows (acts) in this stand-up.

I almost forgot… he’s funny. Really funny.

Iron Mania

I went and saw Iron Man yesterday and it is hands down the best comic book or superhero movie ever made. Even if you are not a fan of this genre or are only looking for two hours of enjoyable escapism go see this film. Robert Downey is brilliant.

There are flaws. It is not perfect. Think, especially, nonsensical segue of guerrilla interview into hate sex at beginning.

However, there are also Hollywood directors that after watching this film should be making public apologies for their comic book movie atrocities they forced on the public with 150 million dollar budgets. Yes, Ratner that means you.

For any fellow comic book fans I give you the greatest Youtube video ever:

The Mammonians

I have two suggestions for today. First, it is time to start calling the followers of the prosperity message any name other than Christian. My suggestion is that we call them Mammonians. They are not followers of Christ. They have assumed a set of assumptions from a materialistic society and have projected that onto pieces of the text. They are not the least concerned with the broad range of Scripture or with what Jesus had to say, therefore, we should refuse to call them Christians.

However, they are very interested in Mammon. They want more of him. They think about him, they long for more of him in their life and heart. They even turn to other faiths like Christianity and look through their Scriptures to see if they can find any incantations or rituals to bring more of their god Mammon into their life. They worship and love Mammon; therefore, we should call them what they are: Mammonians.

Secondly, while there has been suggestions to stop calling their movement the “Prosperity Gospel” and to identify it instead as the “Prosperity Message” because it is not the Gospel I suggest we go even further. Let’s call it what it really is: The Prosperity Heresy or The Mammonian Heresy. There is enough confusion for Christians and Non-Christians in our pluralistic, relativistic society without these charlatans being able to run around and identify themselves as Christians.

They are not followers of Christ. They are lovers, worshipers, and disciples of Mammon. We simply must start calling a spade a spade and identifying this heresy for what it is. If you want to be a Mammonian: fine. If the words of Kenneth and Creflo are more important than Jesus: fine. If the life, death and resurrection of Jesus may be mere magic formula to make you healthy, happy, and prosperous before your god Mammon: fine. But let’s stop the confusion and call the religion what it is: Mammonianity.

In the coming weeks I am going to do my best to take a look at the Mammonian Heresy in a series of posts I’m temporarily calling “Mammonian Monday“. I’m not sure what this will look like, but I am fairly sure there will be one uncomfortable element for many Mammonians: there will be words of Jesus used (gasp)! In context (double gasp)!

Warning: This may be an unfamiliar experience for you after years of listening to Mammonian prophets and may cause no small amount of cognitive dissonance.

My Idolatry

All right, it’s time to confess a dirty little secret: I watch American Idol. Faithfully. I’m sure most people who know me wouldn’t guess that this is something I make time for every week. There I said it. And I listen to Coldplay as well. May Hetfield have mercy and forgive me.

Anyways, I came to a realization over the past couple of weeks that may not be overly popular. I strongly dislike David Archuleta. I’m talking losing my religion strong. I’m not quite sure when this happened. He started of well enough. Adams during Hollywood week, a nice rendition of Imagine…but, then.

Maybe, it was the fourteen hundredth “Aw shucks.” Maybe, it was the feigned surprise every time Seacrest told him that he wasn’t in the bottom three. He looks around surprised, “Really? Really?” Seriously, everybody knows you were going to make it through: wave, smile, say thank you and drop the false humility crap.

Maybe it’s his song choices. I’m not saying this kid is young, but on the week where the contestants had to sing a song from the year of their birth he was considering one from Paula Abdul’s latest album. And then he is out every week trying to “send a message” with his songs.  And I think that this is what leads to what really bothers me.

In trying to “send a message” Archuleta picks crappy songs and then strikes sincere pop boy or back up worship singer pose. Watch him, he only has one move. Mic in left hand, right arm 90 degree angle palm up. Sometimes at real important junctures of the song he can move his right hand several inches up and down for emphasis of how important the line being sung is. And by far the most important is the facial expression: the more he can look like a constipated dog trying to pass a peach pit the more “earnest” and “important” his lyrics are. ALW got him to at least open his eyes some, but the rest still applies.

The kid can sing, but I’ll take Cook anyday. At least he can mix it up. My guess is that Archuleta will always be standing in the middle of the stage looking like he might need to take a dump holding the invisible ball in his right hand.

Am I wrong?

Biblical Authors and Theologians Answer Age Old Question

I handed in my last paper and wrote my last exam today, and frankly for the first time in months I don’t have a deadline hanging over my head. I’m not sure if anyone visits this site anymore, but here’s something I did as a joke at school. This has been done before but I give it a few fresh twists.

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“Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?”

Kierkegaard: Just because a chicken crosses the road it does not mean he is on the other side

Tillich: The chicken had the courage to be on the other side of the road

Qohelet: Crossing the road is meaningless

Mark: Immediately the chicken crossed the road

Luther: There I stood

Hebrew writer: The LORD made his road straight.

Calvin: The chicken was predestined to cross the road (I’m sure no one saw this one coming)

Arminius: The chicken chose to cross the road (ditto above)

Descartes: I cross; therefore, I am.

Job: Consider the chicken, Were you there when it first crossed the road?

Paul of Tarsus: The chicken does not understand what it does. The chicken does not want to cross the road. It does what it does not want to do, but what it hates to do. Who will save him from this life of road-crossing?!?

Jesus: Before the chicken crossed the road: I Am

John of Patmos: This is the message we have received concerning the chicken: he has crossed the road and there is no darkness in him

MLK: The chicken had a dream of a mountain top from where he could see the other side of the road

Feminist Theologian: Typical patriarchy. I know you mean a rooster. Why can’t it be a hen?

Liberation Theologian: Because poor people were on the other side

Jim West: Lord Zwingli commanded him, “Cross!” And the dilettante chicken crossed…away from a homeschool.

Prince Caspian

I am mildly excited about this movie. The Narnia books along with The Lord of the Rings trilogy were a large part of my youth, and I think as a fan you always enter the theater with a little trepidation, “What will they do to my beloved, cherished memories?”

Anyways, I hope they at least make movies good enough that make enough money that we can get to The Silver Chair.

Here’s the new poster for Prince Caspian:

Now the real question is how long does it take the fundies to notice that this poster says “New Age”? Perhaps we will have a debate in reverse of the last one? I can hear the salvo now, “They took Lewis’ Christian message and turned it into a modern secular new age message. Retreat! Retreat!”

Dogtube

From Venture Beat…

Religious-themed social networks may be among the more under-appreciated of web sites.

Today, Comscore released numbers showing GodTube, a YouTube for Christians, to be the fastest growing site on the internet in August. It grew 973 percent and ranked among the top 1000 web properties by unique visitors — the same month it officially launched, as Mashable’s Kristen Nicole points out.

Source: Smartpastor

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I am still not a big fan of this site. As I mentioned in July these are terms I have put into Dogtube’s search engine without getting one single hit: Kant, Tillich, Barth, Bultmann, Schleiermacher, Hegel, Ritschl, Kierkegaard, Neibuhr, Rauschenbusch, intertestamental, Septuagint, Qumran, Sadducee, Essene, Synoptics, Mishna, Talmud, Second Temple, Atrahasis, Ancient Near East, Justin Martyr, Marcion, Diaspora.

I was looking for a video to possibly insert into a presentation that I will be giving next week, and in an act of desperation I decided to even look on Dogtube. Not surprisingly they did not have what I needed, but I will admit that they are getting a little better. There was even a couple of videos that might have been worth your while, so that is some improvement.

Am I the only one who is bothered by the subtitle “Broadcast Him?” Is this site actually broadcasting Him in any way whatsoever? I’m open to thoughts.