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Shocking New Biblical Discovery

July 19, 2007

Today I would like to share the width and breadth of my extensive learning with you. It is not often that you will have the privilege of reading such groundbreaking biblical scholarship and exegesis without spending large sums of money on commentaries, but freely I have been given so freely I give to you.

Our passage for today will be Matthew 16:18:

κἀγὼ δέ σοι λέγω ὅτι σὺ εἶ Πέτρος, καὶ ἐπὶ ταύτῃ τῇ πέτρᾳ οἰκοδομήσω μου τὴν ἐκκλησίαν, καὶ πύλαι ἅδου οὐ κατισχύσουσιν αὐτῆς.

.And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. (KJV – the Bible Jesus read)

What I would like to focus on in this verse is a small statement in the original Greek λέγω ὅτι σὺ εἶ Πέτρος,,,, which reads literally, “I say that you, you are Peter.” There are two very important things to note from this statement.

First, the name that Jesus used in his familiar tongue for Peter was Cephas – which means “rock” in Aramaic. This is the beginning of where we get the name Peter: Cephas translated into Greek is Πέτρος, the Greek word for “rock.” So, Cephas = Aramaic for rock, which leads to Petros the Greek word for rock, which leads to the English Peter. Peter’s name means ‘rock’.

Second, it is not necessary for Jesus to say to Peter σὺ εἶ: “you, you are.” In the Greek it would have been readily apparent what Jesus meant with just the εἶ, “You are Peter.” The only reason to add the σὺ is for emphasis. So the logical question becomes, “What is Jesus trying to emphasize?” Well, if you put our two points together, one being that Peter’s name literally means rock, and two Jesus emphasizes that “you, you are Πέτρος,,” then clearly there can only be one conclusion: Peter’s physical body consisted entirely of rock.

The Message translation makes this perfectly clear, “And now I’m going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock.” Not like a rock but literally, “you are, really… a rock.” Case closed.

So for the first time ever, and I’m sure what must be considered in the future the norm for Petrine studies, I would like to present an image of what Peter must have looked like during his time on earth.

Pope Peter I:

The First Pope - On this rock I will build my church.

Obviously, a discovery of this magnitude shines new light onto other stories in the biblical account heretofore ignored. Earlier in Matthew’s gospel we find the story of Jesus walking on the water and the events that ensued. In the likely words of one of the other disciples after Peter got back in the boat, “With a name like “rock” what else did you expect?”


Well, most likely you are experiencing cognitive dissonance as your old paradigms are shattered by my brilliant reasoning and exegetical ability, but we must learn to deal with these types of new realities and facts as they are discovered.

  • For any schools wishing to give me scholarships for graduate studies based on my obvious scholastic potential and groundbreaking and innovative discovery you can start by queuing up in the comments section. I will answer each e-mail in the order they are received. Please be patient as due to the large number of requests it may take a few days to get to your specific begging of me to come to your institution.
30 Comments leave one →
  1. July 19, 2007 10:43 pm

    Luther would be proud! Great stuff!
    Thanks for the laugh!

  2. July 20, 2007 6:41 am

    Brilliant! Do I see a book in the works?

  3. Clifford Kvidahl permalink
    July 20, 2007 12:42 pm

    This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have seen all summer. Thanks for the amazing insight.

  4. July 21, 2007 12:35 am

    Thanks for the compliments and the links guys. I appreciate it.


  5. krislinatin permalink
    July 21, 2007 12:42 am

    Hey, You are now officially tagged, sorry, they did it to me, now I must pass on the blessings to you!
    You know the drill, do it, link it, pass it on, have fun with it!
    No pressure; if you got a life, opt out!
    The Home Engineer

  6. Tony Buglass permalink
    July 21, 2007 5:13 am

    Solid stuff! 🙂

  7. July 21, 2007 11:25 am


    I give up. 😦

    I repent.

    I have a large globally spanning church for sale with some prime real estate in Rome as well as other places.

    Er, sorry about the 4th Crusade and the Inquisition. For all the indulgences, your IOU’s are on their way.

    Papal infallibility,
    Immaculate Conception,
    Development of Doctrine,

    er..sorry about that stuff too [psyche!:)]

    Sorry, I’d love to chat more but I should probably run..”It’s Clobberin’ Time!!!”

  8. July 22, 2007 8:04 am

    My old alma mater Moody now has a graduate school. They might give you a scholarship for such wonderful scholarship.

  9. July 22, 2007 8:30 am


    Do I get extra consideration points for using the KJV for my English translation?

  10. krislinatin permalink
    July 23, 2007 2:30 am

    Looks like you have officially created a new denomination!
    Rock on! get it?

  11. July 23, 2007 5:00 am

    Your discovery made my sermon yesterday rock-solid. The congregation was astounded by such ingenuity. Just think of it, at the resurrection, John outran him. This is the find of the decade!

  12. July 24, 2007 4:42 am

    Fantastic! I had no idea what was coming. Funny!

  13. July 24, 2007 4:43 am

    Fantastic! I had no idea where this was going. Great job!

  14. WhoreChurch permalink
    September 12, 2007 1:42 am

    Another I previously missed. Rock On Wayne.

  15. February 25, 2008 5:43 am

    I am surprised to hear that peter was the rock. I always heard from my non-denominational pastors that the rock was Jesus.

  16. lonetruth permalink
    July 30, 2008 1:54 pm


  17. Jon H permalink
    April 25, 2010 1:20 am

    Then who’s the Human Torch?

  18. Raquel permalink
    September 5, 2010 2:41 am

    Wow, do you get out much?

  19. Matt permalink
    June 4, 2011 9:18 pm

    This made me laugh so hard i nearly fell out of the lazy boy chair im on…

  20. Len permalink
    June 8, 2011 7:33 am

    Maybe it’s like the old saying: “muscles of steel, brains of concrete”, but concrete wasn’t invented yet.

    • nazani14 permalink
      June 19, 2011 9:01 am

      Actually, the Romans started building with a mixture of lime cement, volcanic ash, and small stones or broken brick in about 40 B.C. This wasn’t “concrete” by modern standards, but most people would call it concrete, and some of the buildings are still standing.

  21. Tracey Sheneman permalink
    October 2, 2011 9:26 pm

    Very funny. Taking literalism to new (and utterly logical) heights.

    It’s all clear to me now! I think I’ll just throw out my commentaries and N.T. surveys and stick with the mighty agathos for exegetical insight. Sola agathos! (Hugh Broughton is turning in his vehemently anti-Authorized Version coffin over your KJV remark.)

  22. The Same permalink
    December 20, 2012 2:50 pm

    I just stumbled upon this article by chance (it was written on 2007 and now is Dec. 2012).

    (Jokes aside), as a catholic I want to thank you for this insight on the translation. What you oversaw is that your really are confirming the intention of Our Lord as per the following words of the referenced text: “…and upon THIS rock I will build MY CHURCH…”

    Arqueological excavations found the tomb of Peter and, when traced over the building’s map, it layed exactly under the main altar of St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican. Go figure.


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