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Cancer-Faking Pastor Speaks

August 31, 2008

… Ooops! Make that Porn-Addicted Cancer-Faking pastor Speaks.

Do you remember when they told you stop doing that or you’ll go blind? Apparently ‘they’ were wrong. Stop doing that or you’ll become a worship pastor, fake cancer, lose your hair, throw up all over yourself, and need an oxygen tube.

In summary: “The real reason I faked cancer is because I’m addicted to porn.”

Ahhh! It all makes sense now… or not.

I liked the irony of Guglielmucci claiming that he is not that good of an actor right before the reporter tells how he deceived tens of thousands of people. Um… yes you are that good of an actor, Michael, yes you are. All the best in your recovery.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 31, 2008 1:42 pm

    Well, everybody knows that doing “that” prevents cancer…..

  2. August 31, 2008 4:06 pm

    What a bunch of crap. And people will eat it like it’s ice cream. I want to hit this joker so bad. Just a quick pop right under his ear on the jaw would do the trick.

  3. Jake permalink
    August 31, 2008 6:18 pm

    Only in the Christian community could the excuse of “I’m addicted to porn” be used or construed to be a legitimate reason for something like this. Imagine this in ANY other scenario:

    Keith Richards: “Yea well I mean, I did all those drugs mate, but it was only because I was addicted to the snuff films you know wut I mean?”

    OJ Simpson: “Aight bro, I admit it, I killed Nicole k? But it was only because I was really into porn at the time.”

    John Wilkes Booth: “Why yessir I did gone n’shoot that thar president. But I’ll have yew know twas only ’cause I love the boobies so much.”

    I could go on and on and on with this crap. Actually I will…

    Bruno Hauptmann: “Ya ookay soo I deed stole das Lindberg Baby. Boot I vas oot of mine lehderhosen at ze time becoos I vas smoking soo much Americana zigarreten oond I vas looking at far too much Pornografie. ZEIG HAIL!”

    Let’s take the German thing one step further and imagine the big guy actually made it to Neuremburg…

    Herr Adolf: “Ya, I killed das yooden.” *looks at the military judicial panel* “Oh I vas addicted to ze porn.”
    Stalin: “Da comrade! I also killed many Ukrainians because of my love of young Russian women in nudie magazines. But what else are we supposed to do during the long, hard Russian winters no?”

    Nero: “Ok, you got me, I burned down Rome ALRIGHT!!?!?!? Are you happy now? But it was only because I was addicted to porn. And Egyptian cannabis. And Opium from Persia… And crucifying people… and having Gaelic slaves… and the odd romp with the stable boys…”

    I’m sorry… but how in blue balling blazes is the porn issue even slightly sort of maybe a little bit kind of in a few years might be but not right now teensy weensy bit relevant???? IT’S NOT RELEVANT IT’S NOT RELEVANT I’LL SAY IT A MILLION TIMES IT’S NOT RELEVANT!!!

    You don’t fake cancer for two years because you’re addicted to porn. This guy faked cancer for two years AND also pays to see naked chicks online.

    What the heck is this guy trying to do? Is he playing the sympathy card? Can you put “porn addiction” on a sympathy card?

    I don’t care about this guy really. What he did doesn’t even elicit a response from me. What gets my goat is all the people ready to line up and attack the real issue: PORN ADDICTION!!! I can hear them already: “Thank you Jesus for Mike and that you’re workin through him so that the church can finally address the issue of pornography.”

    It makes me sick.

    It’s the EXACT same thing that Bentley’s doing.

    [Scott: “Can you put “porn addiction” on a sympathy card?” LOL… nope I don’t think you can.]

  4. Jake permalink
    August 31, 2008 10:51 pm

    See? I didn’t think so. Apparently you can in Australia? Hallmark stands to enter into a whole new market…

  5. September 1, 2008 1:00 pm

    He sure had a lot of hair for a cancer patient….

  6. September 1, 2008 9:51 pm

    And people will eat it like it’s ice cream

    Okay, am I just a sick puppy, or did everyone else’s stomach sort of lurch when they read this line? I mean, that’s the kind of thing that could really just leave a bad taste in your mouth. Maybe it is just me….

    Jake, deep breath, buddy. Nobody’s made Hitler that funny since Mel Brooks. And, unfortunately, probably right. Most Christians want to deny to themselves that there are really some despicable people in the world — except maybe AY-rabs, they’ll agree them’re despicable; Jesus would even kill him some AY-rabs — especially in the church, that they’ll justify just about anything, so long as the offender cops to the appropriate claims of repentance.

    I think it was Scott who pointed out this never happens before they get outed by someone else. My level of concern here is on par with Jake’s.

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